Carolina Panthers

Panthers fan gets new truck after a stupid practical joke

Gets a Ford F-150

Remember when you were a kid and there were ads in the back of comic books that offered a 50-foot yacht for $10? And then you ordered it and it was a little toy boat with 50 friggin feet attached to the bottom of it? Well, it wasn’t funny then and it’s still not funny now. And the folks at Fox Sports definitely don’t think those type of jokes are funny anymore.

On August 24, during a preseason game, Dick Stockton and Daryl Johnston started promoting a car giveaway at the end of the game so fans would stay tuned. At the end of the game, Tony Siragusa presented Greg Good, who dresses up as “Catman” for Panthers games with a new white Porsche. Unfortunately it was just a toy car. Good (who might not be so bright) thought it was a token of a real car and couldn’t believe his good luck. Then he found out that it was just the toy car and was understandably very upset.

There was some uproar in the Charlotte area after a Charlotte Observer columnist named Scott Fowler took up Good’s cause. Fox Sports president decided to hand out some punishment over the incident to his staffers and will personally give Good a new Ford F-150 pickup for his troubles. Now… can we stop with the stupid jokes during football telecasts?

[ESPN]: After joke at Panthers game, ‘Catman’ to get truck
[The Smoking Gun]: Woman sues when “100 Grand” prize turns out to be chocolate bar

Carolina Panthers

2004 Carolina Panthers loved their steroids

Who wants to inject me in the ass?

The Charlotte Observer today reported that 6 players from the 2004 Super Bowl Panthers team took “disturbing, particularly alarmingly high amounts” of steroids on their late season Super Bowl run. Among the players named by the newspaper are offensive linemen Kevin Donnalley, Jeff Mitchell, Todd Steussie, TE Wesley Walls, Defensive lineman Henry Taylor, and some practice squad scrub. All this was pieced together during the investigation of Dr. James Shortt who plead guilty to illegally distributing steroids and human growth hormone.

The performance enhacing drug of choice was HGH which cannot be detected in urine tests. The NFL does not currently require blood tests. It’s no surprise that the NFL drug testing policy has been called a joke.

The report says that more prescriptions were written to cover up the harmful effect of the original steroids such as shrunken testicles and hair loss for Jeff Mitchell. We don’t have any fancy degrees from any fancy medical schools but we do know that if anything starts shrinking around your groin area, it’s best to stop doing whatever it is you’re doing. That’s just a general rule of thumb for guys.

Remember kids, if you want a leg up on your competition, all you gotta do is shrink your balls.

[Charlotte Observer]: Medical records of ex-Panthers reveal ill effects, multiple refills leading to Super Bowl

[Charlotte Observer]: NFL needs to clean up steroids act

Carolina Panthers

One Lesbian Panther Cheerleader Down…

Role models

One part of our favorite story of 2005, Angela Keathly, has pleased guilty to disorderly conduct and obstructing a police officer. She will receive six months probation. Renee Thomas is still pleading not guilty, by order of being so drunk she would have sex with Angela Keathly. (I mean, look at that schnoz!)

In an alternate universe, both cheerleaders are extremely hot, both get sent to jail, share a cell, and have the whole 6 months on pay per view.

[]: Ex-Carolina cheerleader pleads guilty