Yesterday, we told you about Yao Ming’s campaign to protect wildlife and him swearing off shark fin soup. Well, here’s the video where jumps onto a basketball court to block a bullet fired at an elephant.
Categories
Tag: weird
Lately, Trevor has been talking a lot on the podcast about marginal sports and creating a World Series of Beirut. Well, the folks over at Mental Floss have a contest to invent the world’s stupidest sport. Unfortunately, WSOB violates the rules:
Your sport must be (a) so new that it’s never been played before, at least on this earth, (b) consistent with the laws of physics, (c) relatively cheap to play, with equipment that can easily be obtained by anyone, and (d) an actual physical sport involving at least two players. We want to see some calories getting burned. Extra points if your idea is explained in great detail, based on some weird historical activity we’ve never heard of, or steeped in facts and assorted trivia.
But any sport deemed “stupid” must include some sort of drinking. Because if you’re not putting more calories back in than you’re burning, then it just becomes a real sport.
(Before we go to some ideas for sports, does anyone remember playing “suicide”, “homicide”, or “marine ball” as kids? We know that suicide and homicide are universally known but we are beginning to suspect that marine ball, which was basketball but it was every man for himself and fouls were encouraged, was invented by one of our sadistic friends. Anyway…)
Here are three ideas for stupid sports:
1. Unextreme soccer: Two people sit on rocking chairs at opposite sides separated by 10 feet. There is a small goal about 5 feet wide behind the chair. Players cannot leave the rocking chair. Everytime a goal is scored, the person who let in the goal must chug a beer. First one to pass out loses. Falling out of the chair is a yellow card. The second time you fall out of the chair, you lose.
2. The Running of the Hos: This is a very simple game. A bunch of players get together and dress up like pimps. Platform shoes are necessary to make sure it’s a level playing field. One person is designated as the slapper (roshambo, draw straws, cut cards, whatever). The group walks up to a bunch of hos and the designated slapper slaps all of them. Everyone then takes off. The loser is the first person caught. After rescuing him/her from the hos, the loser buys the beer.
3. Rat dog punting: You know those dogs that are basically the size of a rat and yap a lot? Well the goal is to punt the dogs as far as you can. Because we here at Sportscolumn do not condone violence to animals, all dogs must be wrapped in foam or bubble wrap. This sport is too satisfying to need any sort of drinking but it’s encouraged.
The Canadian Cannonball Championship was held yesterday and there’s some grumbling about the champion. Mark Russel is about 5-foot-11 and 180 pounds yet he came away the winner for the second year in a row. Of course, all the fat guys are saying that the competition is more about style than substance now.
I felt the judges were giving more credit to the costume than the actual size of the splash. I was booming them over five metres high and I’m getting a 7. If I had a wig on and a pair of balloons in my shirt, I would’ve got an eight or a nine.
We love controversy at second rate sports competitions.
In othew news..
[USA Today]: Harold Reynolds doesn’t want his job back
[Digital Golf]: Inside Phil Mickelson’s head
[Hudson]: IT CAME FROM JAPAN: Crazy Japanese Baseball Fans!
[ESPN]: Chuck Klosterman: Reality and fantasy don’t mix
The AP headline for this story is so hilarious that there really isn’t a reason to change it. In London, jockey Paul O’Neill is being investigated for headbutting his horse. It’s gotta be the funniest thing we’ve ever seen. A 120 pound jockey going up against a 1200 pound horse. The horse just takes it and goes about his business. You can see the jockey getting upset with the horse like a parent does with a child. O’Neill was angry with the horse because it was being unruly before the race and threw him.
I would just like to say to the public that I’m very sorry they had to see such a thing. I’ve never done it before and it will never happen again. When I got to the start he headed straight for a car with me, stopped five feet from the car, whipped round and dropped me. I landed on my feet, but a bit awkwardly for my knee and I was a little bit angry then, but I’ve never done anything like this before and I’m glad to say the horse is OK after it.
You knew that there would be a followup headbutt to the Zidane incident. Perhaps like celebrity deaths, it would happen in threes, but no one expected it to be a jockey and a horse.
Here’s the video for you (Windows Media Player).
Links:
[Fox Sports]: Jockey apologizes for head-butting horse
Categories
The ultimate burial ground
How much for the
mascot headstone?
A soccer team in Germany, Hamburg SV, is opening a graveyard near the stadium for…um… die hard fans. The cemetary will only have 500 plots so there’s going to be some (dammit, these puns are unintentional!) stiff competition. Fans can buy a plot for ashes in an urn for $3,150, a single grave goes for $10,000 and a two person plot for $16,000.
This might be the greatest idea for dead people since resurrection. Imagine cementaries devoted to Eagles fans or Indians fans or Cubs fans. Not only would they make tons of money, they’d be the most haunted places on earth until the teams deliver a championship. Nothing puts pressure on team management to win more than a bunch of poltergeist hanging around the team offices. Someone needs to make this happen.
Links:
[Reuters]: German soccer team plans cemetery for die-hard fans
In a AAA game between the Buffalo Bisons and the Durham Bulls, a seagul flew right into the path of a pitch by #23 of the Bulls. There’s no #23 on the Bulls official roster so we’re going to say it was Michael Jordon in disguise. The bird fell to the ground and fluttered around a bit before it was carried off the field by the Bisons’ backup catcher. It later flew away.
While interesting, this bird beaning doesn’t even come close to the poor bird that got in the way of a young Randy Johnson. (Video)
In other news…
[AZ Central.com]: From the completely not related to sports file: Woman finds live frog in her salad
[SI]: Sports Illustrated apparently has experts — and they’re picking the World Cup
[USA Today]: OLN averaged 611,000 households for Game 1 of the Stanley Cup Finals
[BFLOBLOG]: Making the case for Andre Reed in the HOF
[The Purple Curtain]: Hope springs eternal in Ravens land as McNair heads to Baltimore