College Football

Chris Rix can’t handle the truth

So I went out and got absolutely shitfaced last night. Desperately looking for an outlet to waste time while I’m sitting at work, I was flipping through random blogs. Basically, I was just hoping to find something that can carry me for a half hour. After reading that David Beckham had a successful MLS debut against DC United, it occurred to me that I hadn’t checked to find out if there was a new round of “Becks” bashing. Quite frankly, I was just hoping to lob in some anonymous sarcastic comment like, “You’re right…..David Beckham stinks…..he’s only accounted for 3 of England’s last four international goals and probably every single one in the last three World Cups.”

Instead, I stumbled upon inspirational comedy. Raise your hands if you remember the Chris Rix Era at Florida State…..and Florida State fans……feel free to lower the middle finger you now have extended towards me. When historians look back on when Bobby Bowden started to lose his fastball, I guarantee they will point at the day Chris Rix was announced as the starting quarterback for Florida State. His tenure there was an unmitigated disaster as he was known throughout the college football universe for throwing interceptions at crucial times, an inability to lead in the clutch, and a swagger that reminded of an overwhelmed 17-year old trying to…..umm…”close the deal” for the first time.

Well, Mr. Rix has opened a Champions Training Academy to teach young players how to become a great quarterback. I think Flash Warner said it best when she remarked, that this would be like Michelle Wie running an academy called “Making the Cut on the PGA Tour”. I would add that Chris Rix being associated with the word “champion” is like Paris Hilton being associated with the word “chaste” or Lindsay Lohan being associated with the word “sober”. In a nutshell, it is absurd. Well Flash and a site she writes for are being threatened with a subpoena for stating this in an article…….or basically stating the obvious. Basically, Chris Rix is trying to intimidate a girl………..because quite frankly that is all he can intimidate.

See, Chris, in times like these, it’s best just to ignore critical blog entries because otherwise the whole thing just balloons out of control. And then you have more and more blogs weighing in. Clearly not championship strategy.