Sportscolumn Blog

Terrible Towel in his pocket

That was one of the worst officiated games in Super Bowl history. There were at least four important plays that were incorrectly called.

• Darrell Jackson pass interference that negated a touchdown.
• Ben Roethlisberger’s TD run that never broke the plane of the goal line.
• Holding penalty that negated a Seattle pass to the 1 yard line.
• Illegal block on Matt Hasselbeck that ultimately set up the final Pittsburgh TD.

Notice a lack of calls that went against the Steelers’ way? Yeah, we do too. Sorry Seattle fans, you go hosed.

The goat of the game is Jerramy Stevens. Even though he caught the lone Seahawks TD, he dropped numerous important passes that cost Seattle the game.

Oh come on. The appropriate song for when you couch catches on fire is “We don’t need no water, let the mofo burn!”

OK folks, it’s getting to crunch time so I’m stepping up the Vitamin Water+Vodkda cocktails. Seattle is on the move.

10:46 Great drive by Seattle negated by terrible holding call and then a bad interception by Matt Hasselbeck. Still 14-10 Steelers. Seahawks fans might have a gripe against the refs in this one. Was that not a horsecollar on Alexander? And a terrible call on the Hasselbeck cut block.

8:56 Randle-El to Hines Ward for a TD on a gadget play. Apparently everyone knew one was coming except the Seahawks defense. ABC inexplicably shows Jerome Bettis on the sideline. 21-10 Steelers.

8:26 Hasselbeck fumbles the ball but it looks like he was contacted by Larry Foote. If the refs don’t overturn this call, the fix is in.

Refs finally get a call right and overturn the fumble.

6:20 We’ll say it again, Tom Rouen sucks. He’s had 3 opportunities to pin the Steelers near their own endzone and touchback every time. This game is over folks.

Is it possible to vote for the refs as the Super Bowl MVP?

4:07 Steelers pick up the first down on a crucial 3rd and 6 and the game is over.

3:31 Roethlisberger picks up the first down and the game is over.

That’s it folks. If you think I’m going to watch the post game with spitting Bill Cowher and everyone slobbering over Jerome Bettis who did nothing tonight, you’re crazy.

Yes, we get it, there are hybrid vehicles. Give me entertainment, not eco-friendly lectures.

14:38 Parker busts up the middle for 75 yards and the Seahawks are in a big hole. 14-3 Steelers. Hope this turns into a more interesting game.

12:37 “Jerramy Stevens is soft.” Josh Brown sucks. The Seahawks special teams are horrendous today.

10:27 I think ABC just tried to give Jerome Bettis credit for that Willie Parker run.

This Hummer monster commercial isn’t new but just so disturbing.

7:49 Kelly Herndon just made the defensive play of the game. Unfortunately he runs out of steam at the 20 yard line. The Seahawks can’t seem to close the deal on offense tonight. This game just got very interesting.

6:45 Jerramy Stevens makes up for two dropped passes with his first TD! That looked like he might drop it too. 14-10 Steelers.

The putting towels up to cover up working on a guy’s groin is always a good image on TV. Suzy, probably shouldn’t mention “sniper” on national TV.

Does this Tundra commercial mean it’s tough or that it’s made out of plastic?

4:40 Joey Porter might be a genius because he’s clearly in Jerramy Stevens’ head even if he’s not covering him. Seattle goes 3 and out and this looks like a big fourth quarter folks.

Hey will you look at that, a lifesize projection of Jerome Bettis on a building.

0:00 After a kick by Pittsburgh, the Seahawks found themselves backed up against their goaline but have gound a way to get out to the 48 yard line after some nice work by Hasselbeck and the backup TE, who is catching the ball better than Stevens.

This seems to be one of the quickest Super Bowls in recent memory. I think the network suits are wishing for more penalties and injuries so they can get more commercials in. The Seahawks seemed to have dominated most of the first half, yet end up down going into the half.

The biggest surprise of the half is that Madden hasn’t mentioned Favre yet.

Everyone on the Halftime crew agrees the Darrell Jackson catch was a TD and that there was no PI on the play.

What the hell is a code black!!!

Rolling Stones: American as apple pie. Why is it that drummers always have to wear something different so they’ll stand out. I guess it’s because of that old joke about what do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians.

:This one is called Rough Justice!” Everybody goes silent cause no one knows the damn song. Listen, Mick, no one cares about your new album, just sing Start Me Up and Satisfaction and get off the stage. You gotta love the opening licks of Satisfaction. (Well, except when Justine Bateman’s band does it.) Should Mick Jagger really be wearing little boy shirts? His arms look like a turkey neck.

When did the Rolling Stones get a black guy in the band? And who doesn’t love Captain Jack Sparrow.

Well, that’s the end of the halftime show. Let’s get back to the game.

14:44 Another good return by Peter Warrick but wiped out by a holding penalty.

How many times do you think that guy in the stands has gone around detroit this week claiming he was Matt Hasselbeck?

12:23 Jerramy Stevens drops a first down. Maybe Joey Porter is right. Tom Rouen sucks.

I’m pretty sure sports heaven doesn’t include Stephon Marbury. The Budweiser “streaker” commercial is my favorite so far.

11:59 The Boy from Detroit gets 2 yards on his first carry. What a momumentous occasion. With 11 minutes left in the first quarter, Pittsburgh gets its first first down. What were the odds on that?

10:10 There’s the first turnover of the game. And it’s by Michael Boulware, who was 13/2 odds. Pretty decent win there.

Dear lord in heaven, I will never ever ever watch The Shaggy Dog. You’d have to kill me first.

Ok, this Michelob Ultra commercial where the guy just drills the girl on the field gave me the best chuckle of the day.

3:09 Roethlisberger/Ward with the play of the day on 3rd and 28, picking up a first down to the 3 yard line. And here we have the long awaited Go Daddy commercial.

Al Michaels, shut the hell up about Bettis coming home already.

Anyone remember the original Poseidon adventure with Ernest Borgnine? No one really was clamoring for a remake.

It’s a razor, not an alternative energy source. I can’t wait till we have 54 blades on one razor.

1:55 The line judge gives Ben the touchdown but replay shows that he didn’t make it! They are going to review this. This should be interesting. Very very close. I don’t think they’ll overturn the call on the field. Seahawks fans are busy googling the address of the line judge. 7-3 Pittsburgh.

0:13 I was just going to remark how well the Seahawks two minute drill was going and now they pulled a page from the Eagles two minute playbook.

Josh Brown misses a 54 yarder and that’s the end of the first half with the score still 7-3.

Pregame: Nice of them to bring back all the MVPs. Having everyone on the same stage reinforces that Larry Brown is clearly the worst MVP of all time. And in case you were wondering, Super Bowl XVI MVP was Joe Montana and Super Bowl VII MVP was Miami Dolphin Safety Jake Scott.

The degenerate gamblers get their first fix as the coin toss comes up tails. It’s always tails. This is the easiest bet the whole game.

Michele Tafoya tells us something we didn’t know – Jerome Bettis is originally from Detroit. I’m hoping that if there’s a bet on number of times they go to Tafoya or Kolber, it goes under. God how I pray it’s the under.

12:36 Decent opening drive by the Seahawks stalls when Hasselbeck misses an open receiver and gets sacked on the next play. Steelers get the ball at the 20.

I’m sorry, Burger King actually thinks anyone wants to download this Whopperette commercial onto their cell phones? And why hasn’t the king scored a TD yet? I’ve got big money on this.

9:39 Steelers fans can’t be happy with this drive that got nowhere. So far the Seahawks look like the looser team.

5:44 Tom Rouen stinks. Expect to see Jerome Bettis next series and all the crap that goes along with it.

4:14 Pittsburgh looks absolutely terrible on offense. Seahawks get it back at midfield after a nifty run back by Peter Warrick.

V for Vengeance looks awesome. But it’s kinda ruining the SB party atmosphere. This P Diddy Diet Pepsi commmercial is a complete waste of money.

2:00 DJack is making his bid for MVP. Spoke too soon. He just had PI in the end zone to wipe out his TD. Replay shows that it was a VERY weak call.

0:22 Seattle scores first with a 47 yard FG.

Wow. Aleve allows you to be a complete dork. I didn’t even recognize Leonard Nimoy.

0:00 Another three and out for the Steelers and we’ve reached the end of the first quarter. And man, can Jerry Rice DANCE!

Do it for Jerome!

If you’re not wearing your underoos on your head by the time the corpses hit the stage at halftime, you’re not doing something right. Most of us don’t need an excuse to drink up during the Super Bowl but here are a few rules to make sure everyone is as hammered as you are. You don’t want to be the only one who makes a comment like “you know what, I think Michele Tafoya looks pretty good.” Or at least have anyone remember it. Our favorite is the Jerome Bettis Drinking Game, ’cause, you know, this SB is in his hometown…

[Angry Ken]: The Jerome Bettis Super Bowl Drinking Game. “Everytime Bettis’ parents are shown in the stands, yell out ‘son of a bitch!” and take a sip.”

[Crissmess.com]: Super Bowl Super Drinking Game. Drink after “shot of deliriously happy barroom in winning team’s home city.”

[Esquire]: The Esquire Super Bowl Drinking Game. “Any time during the first five minutes of the game an overly hyped-up player punctuates a routine block or tackle with a self-congratulatory celebration, drink twice.”