Remember when there used to always be that one sports moron in the office who thought Michael Vick was actually heaving pigskins half way across the stadium? Or that LeBron James could hit full court, set shot treys with ease? Well, get ready to break out the reality stick and beat that guy senseless once again.
1. When it rains, it pours
Things just keep getting worse for the Spurs. The defending champs have been withering away before our eyes for close to two months now, but San Antonio hit rock bottom on Tuesday, first losing their point guard indefinitely and then losing a heartbreaker gutstomper soulcrusher to Seattle. Yup, Tony Parker is out for an unknown amount of time with a bone spur in his heel and, yup, they went on to lose 88-85 to 14-losses-in-a-row Seattle. It was the first win of 2008 for Seattle and the Spurs third consecutive defeat. Kevin Durant stepped up big for the Sonics with 26 points, seven rebounds and five assists and Chris Wilcox had 16 points and 10 boards. San Antonio had a three point advantage entering the fourth quarter, but gave up big shots down the stretch, ruining perfectly good performances from Tim Duncan (27 pts, 12 reb) and Manu Ginobili (29 pts, 7 ast).
2. Kidd and play
Jason Kidd might want a trade, but the Nets sure like having him around. New Jersey was riding a nine-game losing streak into their contest against Milwaukee on Tuesday, but Kidd’s 11 assists helped the Nets to an 87-80 victory. Vince Carter finished with 16 points, 12 rebounds and five assists and Richard Jefferson scored a game-high 20 points. And it’s a good thing Jefferson was stroking it because Kidd and Carter combined to shoot 7-of-28 from the floor. But in the eyes of the Jersey faithful, Kidd can do no wrong. After telling the world that New Jersey basically doesn’t have a chance in hell of amounting to a hill of beans, he gets a standing ovation from the crowd. It might sound strange, but this is exactly what should happen for a guy who carried his team to NBA Finals…twice. Pat yourself on the back Jersey.
3. Antawn holds down the fort
No Gilbert Arenas, no Caron Butler, no chance; right? Wrong! Antawn Jamison shouldered the load usually distributed evenly among the big three and had to put in some overtime to get the job done but, after a long night’s work, the Wizards knocked off the Raptors 108-104. Jamison recorded 24 points and 20 rebounds, offsetting some Jurassic efforts from the Raptors. Chris Bosh had 37 points, 12 rebounds and three steals while Jose Calderon went bonkers, scoring 23, dishing 13 and grabbing six boards, but in the end it just wasn’t enough. Luckily for them, they get another crack at the Wizards tonight as the home-and-home series shifts to Toronto for part deux.
Tuesday’s Player of the Day: Yao Ming vs. Golden State 40 min, 36 pts (FG: 11-19, FT: 14-15), 19 reb, 1 ast, 1 blk
Wednesday’s Game to Watch: Golden State (27-19) @ New Orleans (32-12)
The Warriors are coming off a loss to Houston on Tuesday, but it’s no biggie; after all, they just inked C-Webb to a contract through the end of the season. So, all is good in the Albaland. And even though New Orleans is rolling like never before, the Warriors average 10 more points per game than the Bugs and they have a pretty decent point guard in Baron Davis who should put on a show against his counterpart Chris Paul.
Buzzer Beater: Some great quotes came out of Tuesday’s game between the Celtics and the Heat. It’s a good thing too because Miami certainly didn’t give the home fans a reason to be interested in the 117-87 spanking.
When asked how long Kevin Garnett’s strained abdominal muscle could keep him sidelined, Boston Celtics coach Doc Rivers didn’t have an exact answer.
“You know Doc’s a nickname, correct?” deadpanned the coach, whose given name is Glenn.
But Rivers wasn’t the only Glen with nickname news.
You know it’s almost Super Bowl Sunday when the chitter and the chatter progresses from on-field issues to off-field satellite stories. For example, when instead of hearing about defensive philosophies, you start hearing about the cost of 30-second commercial spots then you know the big game is about a week away. And once you move from the ridiculous money changing hands for a GoDaddy.com ad and into the dark, secret realm of commercial spoilers then you know kickoff is right around the corner.
But, one humorous Pepsi ad will be silent.
It’s in American Sign Language with captions.
The actors are really Pepsi employees who are deaf or hard-of-hearing.
It shows a couple of guys in a car driving down a residential street in the evening looking for their friend’s house.
Both of them forgot to bring the address.
So, they think up a quick and funny way to narrow down which house does “not” belong to their friend, who’s also deaf like they are.
The ad is called “Bob’s House” and is expected to run in the pre-show before the game begins.
“Expected to run in the pre-show before the game begins”??? Oh, no, no, no. We happen to know some people who know some people who know some people and we got a hold of a pirated copy. Shhhh, don’t tell anyone where you got it, but let us know if you need some more.
Links:
[WISTV.com]: Pepsi Super Bowl ad is silent
That nutty ol’ Alonzo Spellman was at it again on Tuesday. The former Bear/Cowboy/Lion found himself in the pokey after playing a game of vehicular tag with the po-pos in Tulsa, OK. Oh, what will he do next?
The chase began at 12:23 p.m. after officers responded to a disturbance at a convenience store in midtown Tulsa, Ashley said. When officers arrived, Spellman got into a green Chrysler Pacifica and drove away, Ashley said.
“He took us on a little pursuit through the city,” Ashley said. “We had to use stop sticks that took out three of his tires.”
After the vehicle stopped, Spellman refused to get out of the car for about 20 minutes until officers fired “pepper bullets” through the windows.
Too bad the crew of Delta Flight 2038 didn’t have “pepper bullets” back when Spellman went post 9/11 bat crap crazy at 30,000 feet above sea level.
When the plane landed and he was approached by Captain Robert Freund, Spellman said, “I can feel the adrenaline rushing through my hands. I’m about to rip your throat out.”
If police came aboard, Spellman said, “They are going to have to carry me off in a body bag.
Links:
[NBC10.com]: Alonzo Spellman Arrested After Chase
[SunTimes.com]: Alonzo Spellman arrested
1. It’s a nice view from above
If you’re anything like us then you probably have to slap yourself every morning when you see New Orleans sitting atop the Western Conference. But the Hornets recent swarm appears to be legitimate after winning their ninth consecutive game by annihilating the Nuggets 117-93. Chris Paul came up one rebound shy of recording a triple-double with 23 points, 17 assists and the aforementioned nine boards. This game was over for Denver before the first quarter buzzer even buzzed and by halftime they were staring up from a 23 point hole. The Nuggets had a good excuse though with Carmelo Anthony riding the pine.
2. Same faces, new places
There’s about to be a few very excited real estate agents thanks to the recent decisions of several nomadic NBAers. The biggest news comes out of New Jersey where the human triple-double Jason Kidd confirmed the rumors that he wanted a trade before the Fed. 21 deadline. Dallas and Denver already inquired about obtaining the All-Star’s services. Next up is the news that Don Nelson and Chris Webber will be reuniting in Golden State 15 years after things went horribly wrong between the duo in C-Webb’s rookie campaign. Talk about a whacky, whacky world! If time has mellowed these guys then this experiment could pay off come playoff time. Last but not least, we’ve got the buyout of Damon Stoudamire’s contract with the Grizzlies. The Spurs appear to currently be atop the long list of possible new zip codes for the former Rookie of the Year.
3. Rode-oh-no road trip
The slumping Spurs began their annual extended road trip on Monday in Utah and things didn’t go according to plan for the champs. San Antonio fell behind early, trailing 27-19 after the first quarter, and spent the remainder of the game chasing the Jazz. The Spurs made it close late as they drew within three points with a minute remaining in regulation, but Utah got a timely 3-pointer from Kyle Korver to help secure a 97-91 victory. Andrei Kirilenko and Carlos Boozer scored 23 apiece and Deron Williams finished with 11 points and 14 assists. Utah made an astonishing one-day leap from not being in the playoffs to owning a home court, first round seed (No. 4)! For the Spurs, it’s one down and eight to go. D’oh!
Monday’s Player of the Day: Chris Paul vs. Denver 38 min, 23 pts (FG: 7-20, 3FG: 1-2, FT: 8-8), 9 reb, 17 ast, 2 stl, 1 blk
Tuesday’s Game to Watch: Atlanta (18-22) @ Phoenix (32-13)
Phoenix hasn’t lost to an Eastern Conference foe since Dec. 10 when the Heat somehow grabbed a road win in the desert. Yea, the Suns are still scratching their heads over that one too. Their only other loss to the East came in Atlanta when former Sun Joe Johnson was horrid from the field (3-17 FG), but Marvin Williams and Josh Smith both recorded double-doubles, leading the Hawks to victory. Last time Johnson visited Phoenix, he racked up 17 of his 32 points in the fourth and the result was a nine point Hotlanta victory. The Hawks have lost five of their last six, but they have way too much talent to be counted out.
Buzzer Beater: Hedo Turkoglu and Al Jefferson’s time in the spotlight has finally arrived. The duo became perhaps the oddest duo to ever combine for the NBA Players of the Week awards. Jefferson deservedly won the award for the West while playing on the worst squad in the league and Turkoglu won the East honor by somehow becoming the biggest offensive threat on a team with Dwight Howard and Rashard Lewis. Anyways, nobody shined brighter so, congratulations fellas, you’re having the Best Week Ever!!
Jefferson led the Timberwolves to a 3-1 week, averaging 28.8 points and 12.8 rebounds. Minnesota defeated three playoff teams from a year ago and its lone loss came by one point at Boston, owner of the NBA’s best record. Jefferson posted three point-rebound double-doubles, including a 40-point, 19-rebound effort in Minnesota’s 98-95 win over New Jersey on Jan. 27.
P.T. Barnum famously said “There’s a sucker born every minute.” Case in point, any moron who actually wagers big money on this year’s Super Bowl based on which friggin’ graham cracker Princess the camel decided to snack on first. Sadly though, we know there is some hard-luck loser out there somewhere willing to risk his family’s mortgage on a camel’s intuition. But no matter how stupid it might sound to listen to Princess for your Super Bowl advice, she gives you a helluva better shot than some so-called experts out there.
“I can’t explain it, but her predictions, more often than not, are right on the money,” said John Bergmann, general manager of Popcorn Park Zoo, the southern New Jersey facility for elderly, abused or unwanted animals where Princess has lived since 2004. “I’m hoping she’s right this time because I’m a Giants fan.”
Princess’ prognostication skills flow from her love of graham crackers. Bergmann will choose a game at random during the regular season, place a cracker in each hand, and use a permanent marker to scrawl the name of a competing team on each hand.
Whichever hand Princess nibbles from is her “pick” for that week.
Her regular season mark of 11-6 comes out to a .647 winning percentage. (Since she never quite got the hang of points spreads, Princess picks the games straight-up, just choosing the winner.)
By comparison, Dave Goldberg, the Associated Press football writer who makes NFL picks each weekend, posted a .664 regular season percentage.
ESPN’s Ron Jaworski, the former Philadelphia Eagles quarterback, had a .688 mark, but Princess topped Mike Golic, another former Eagle on ESPN, who came in at .584.
And in case you’re still wondering who Princes picked then you have a serious addiction and should seek professional help immediately. But put $100 on the Giants first. Princess says it’s a lock.
Links:
[KMBC.com]: Camel Picks Giants To Win Super Bowl
Think you’re having a bad day? Sorry, chum; that’s not a bad day. THIS is a bad day:
Another reason to be suspicious of all things soccer surfaced on Monday when news came out about Howard University’s men’s soccer coach Joseph Okoh going to the slammer after falling for the old ’13-year-old girl on the internet wants to have sex with me gag’. Man, where’s Chris Hansen when you need him?
Okoh, of Arlington, allegedly traveled to Louisa County thinking he would meet the girl, authorities said. The person turned out to be an undercover investigator, and Okoh was charged with using a communications system to solicit a person under 15 with lascivious intent, a felony.
He has been suspended from all Howard University activities and duties pending completion of the investigation, school officials said.
Okoh, who was arrested Friday, was held without bond after a hearing at the Louisa County Juvenile and Domestic Relations Court. He has a follow-up hearing scheduled for Friday, authorities said.
We’re not sure what this waste is facing, but we’re hoping it’s a long time; 13 years sounds appropriate. And we’ve seen Oz enough times to know what happens in those cells. So when he finally gets out, hopefully he’ll be using the internet in its intended fashion, instead of as a perverted sex machine.
Links:
[WashingtonPost.com]: Howard Men’s Soccer Coach Arrested in Youth Sex Sting
[USAToday.com]: Howard University head soccer coach arrested
We always thought the show Sport Science was interesting, but we would get lost sometimes in the whole “science” part of the show. Force, mass, speed, propulsion, blah, blah, blah. Luckily for us, the nerds decided to dumb it down a bit with their episode dedicated to getting racked. Huh huh, we said rack. That was cool.
“Will the fear, anticipation and pain send his heart redlining into dangerous territory?” Well, duh. We could have answered that long before his gonads got grilled. But sometimes you have to put your neck or even your package on the line in the name of science and anyways, it wasn’t such a bad afternoon for Jason. He went down in history, made 50 smackers, took 68 pounds of force to his balls and Mr. Brainiac told the world he has a tiny, freshly bruised unit. Yup, that’s a day well spent.
1. Hedo to the rescue
Kevin Garnett strained an abdominal muscle during his reunion with the Timberwolves on Friday night and on Sunday the Orlando Magic took advantage of the injury. The Big Ticket missed his first contest as a Celtic, giving the Magic a perfect opportunity to beat Boston for the second time this season; which they did thanks to a buzzer-beating 3-pointer by Hedo Turkoglu. Orlando survived a fourth quarter Celtic rally to escape with a 96-93 victory on their home court. Turkoglu led all scorers with 27 points while Dwight Howard finished with 18 points, 16 rebounds and five blocks. With K.G. sidelined, Paul Pierce led the Celtics with 24 points and nine rebounds. Ray Allen scored 17 as Boston suffered its second loss in three games, bringing their once insurmountable lead over the rest of the league down to just 3 ½ games.
2. When All-Stars collide
When it comes to scoring, LeBron James and Kobe Bryant are the absolute best the NBA has to offer and the duo didn’t disappoint under the Staples Center lights on Sunday afternoon. LeBron James, the league’s top scorer, finished with 41 points, including 14 in the fourth, to lead Cleveland past the Lakers 98-95. Kobe Bryant, No. 2 in points per game, scored 33 points to go with 12 rebounds and six assists, but the Lakers fumbled away an opportunity to tie the game as they failed to get up a shot following a timeout. After briefly grabbing the top record in the Western Conference, the Lakers fell into a tailspin, losing their third consecutive game and four of their last five games. The Cavs, on the other hand, are rolling, winning 10 out of 12 games.
3. Unfamiliar positions
Before the season, somebody would have slapped you silly if you said Utah and Houston would be on the outside of the playoff race looking in when the end of January rolled around. Nonetheless, that’s where the two clubs are currently sitting. When they hooked up on Sunday, Utah took advantage of Yao Ming’s absence (upper respiratory infection), beating the Rockets 97-89 to win their eighth game in nine tries and taking one more step toward entering into the postseason picture. Carlos Boozer (13 pts, 10 reb) and Deron Williams (17 pts, 12 ast) both finished with a double-double while Andrei Kirilenko finished with 17 points. Tracy McGrady looked like an All-Star even though the fans left him off the Western Conference’s starting five, scoring 21 points to go with nine assists and six rebounds.
Sunday’s Player of the Day: Al Jefferson vs. New Jersey 42 min, 40 pts (FG: 13-21, FT: 14-17), 19 reb, 3 ast, 1 stl, 2 blk
Monday’s Game to Watch: Denver (26-17) @ New Orleans (26-17)
Nobody is playing better right now than the Hornets and point guard Chris Paul is starting to get some serious MVP love because of it. The Bugs’ biggest win of the season came on Saturday night when they destroyed the Spurs by 24 points, 102-78, in San Antonio. The victory further solidified the Hornets as the best in the West, giving Nawlins its eighth consecutive. Since Dec. 19, they are on a 16-2 roll with Chris Paul averaging 20.6 points, 10.5 assists and 2.59 steals for the season. The Nuggets are still without Carmelo Anthony (sprained left ankle), but have played extremely well without their superstar. Before losing to the Mavericks by five points on Sunday, Denver won two straight without Anthony. Losing Melo is huge, but the Nuggets are stacked with talent and if Allen Iverson starts rolling, they can hang with anyone in the league.
Buzzer Beater: The Timberwolves were one of the laughingstocks of the NBA just a few weeks ago. How quickly things can change. On the ever growing shoulders of Al Jefferson, the T-Wolves took another step toward respectability with a 98-95 win over New Jersey. Jefferson recorded a career-high 40 points to go with 19 rebounds and suddenly Minnesota is on a mini hot streak, winning three of their last four. Minny might technically hold the worst record in the league (8-35), but there is no way anyone can argue they are currently worse than doormats like the Heat (losers of 14 out of 15) and the Sonics (lost 14 straight).
