Tampa Bay Rays

Hide your foster daughters, Elijah Dukes is in town

Elijah Dukes, the TB outfielder who last month was accused of threatening to kill his wife on a voicemail is back in the headlines today. Elijah apparently thinks that foster homes are a prime source of teen ass.

According to police, Dukes impregnated a 17-year-old girl who was in the care of his step-grandmother (“So what does that make us? Absolutely nothing.”). Fortunately for Elijah, no crime was committed because because it was consensual sex between a 17 and 22-year-old. He still has that problem of being the baby daddy though. The pregnant teen claims that when she told him about the pregnancy, he threw a bottle of gatorade at her.

Elijah’s mom Phyllis had this to say about the situation:

Every time one of those (whores) lays down with my baby, they end up pregnant. That’s right. And I’m tired of them.

Holy crap! Every time! When it comes to hos, it seems Elijah has supersperm.

[St Petersberg Times]: Former foster teen says she is carrying Dukes’ baby

By Vin

Vin is a Philly boy who shouldn't be invited into your house because he'll judge you on your book and music collection. He owns Dawkins, Utley, Iverson, and Lindros jerseys, which is all you really need to know about him. He can be reached at [email protected].

One reply on “Hide your foster daughters, Elijah Dukes is in town”

Is it time? — Oh, I think it’s time…

“…and the factory will have to shut down”

   “That’s when the whores come in”

“Oh God.” “Excuse me?”

   “Whores shaking their bee-hinds for the men folk. I have $20 to spend on the rent. Maybe I’ll spend it on the whore instead.”

“I like her idea.”

“I visited one prostitute during the war and she won’t let me forget it.”

(come on kids, we all know what movie that’s from)

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