How to please your man on Super Bowl Sunday

We stumbled upon this little press release today. And while we can’t actually disagree with any of it, we’d like to simplify it into two steps.

1. Give him oral.
2. Leave.

That’s it. Don’t pretend to want to watch the game. Don’t pretend you want to learn about something so “important in his life”. Prepare the food, oral, leave. This applies to every football Sunday but is even more important for the big game. Unless you were a bonafide football fanatic before you met him, just leave.

Here’s a tip ladies: guys might say they think a girl who loves football is awesome but they don’t really mean it. They just think if you actually liked football, you wouldn’t nag him all the time when he’s watching football with his buddies. Given the choice between not being able to watch football on Sundays and having to watch it with you, of course he’d rather watch it with you. But if he had his druthers, he’d prefer to watch it alone or with his buddies. You get about 344 days out of the year, is it so much to just leave him be for 17 weeks of regular season and 4 weeks of playoffs? That is the best advice we can give you. As the esteemed poet Nikki Sixx wrote, Girl, don’t go away mad…just go away.