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Pacman Jones’ backup plan in life: pro wrestling

So, what do you do when you get suspended from your job for being a notorious malcontent with a rap sheet that would make Suge Knight blush? Well, if you’re Pacman Jones, you go to the only place on earth where criminals are openly accepted: pro wrestling!

That’s right, Pacman is stepping into the squared circle for a body slamming good time according to “sources close to WTVF-TV in Nashville.” But before you go off thinking that Vince McMahon has just done it again by cashing in on some real life notoriety, you should know that Pacman isn’t signing with the WWE. Nope, turns out that the spontaneously combusting McMahon (that was fake, right?) got scooped on the deal and the suspended Titan will be joining the high-flying, hard-hitting crew at TNA. So far, there has been no comment from the big wigs at TNA, but they did say that they would release a statement soon.

Personally, we’re as sick of Pacman as the next guy and we really just want to see him rot in a cell, but now that we’ve gotten wind of this little gimmick, we’re starting to change our mind. After all, if there’s even a sliver of a chance that we could see Abyss slam Pacman onto a pile of thumbtacks then we’re all in. And, anyways, there’s no way he could be any worse than this, right?

Unfortunately, it looks like the Titans could be big party poopers as they are now threatening to pull the plug on the whole deal because it would be a violation of his contract. While, we’d love to see Pacman get slammed right on his head, if he’s relegated to a strictly speaking role it could be equally, if not more, entertaining. But we’re still holding out hope that there is a Steiner Recliner somewhere in Pacman’s future.

Links:

[VolunteerTV.com]: Pacman Jones A Professional Wrestler?

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All Other Sports

When pro wrestling goes horribly wrong!

So, there we were, just surfing YouTube, looking for some pro wrasslin’ highlights like the dedicated fans we are, when we came across one of the sickest pieces of wrestling footage ever recorded. It was from some promotion called Xtreme Pro Wrestling (XPW) and it involved the infamous New Jack throwing Vic Grimes off a 40-foot scaffold!! If you thought that the Mick Foley fall from Hell In A Cell was insane, just get a load of these lunatics.

We were pretty disgusted that some crappy alliance would allow this suicide mission to happen at all, let alone in front of crowd of hundreds of fans, but then we came across this documentary footage of New Jack talking about the incident and we learned what sick and twisted was really all about when he admitted that his intentions were to actually kill Grimes with the stunt!

We always knew that New Jack was one brutal, mentally unstable S.O.B. from his days with ECW and TNA but, as Ron Simmons would say, … “DAMN!”

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All Other Sports

TNA slaps their weekly full nelson on the WWE



Damn, fat boy’s got the gold again!

There’s really no denying it anymore; TNA is consistently putting on a better show than the WWE. Vince McMahon and his, oh wait; The late Vince McMahon and his boys are struggling for good storylines while TNA pushes the envelope with new ideas. Now, we’re not saying that all of TNA’s ideas are spectacularly compelling, but they constantly provide fresh, new stories. And their talent pool is getting deeper and deeper by the week.

Why do you think the WWE is reaching so far into their bag of tricks of late? The three hours specials, the draft, the insane McMahon explosion that grabbed the mainstream media’s attention; it’s all an attempt to grab back some of the viewers who are starting to jump ship. After all, this is the most competition the WWE has encountered since the old Monday Night Wars.

Like we said, not all of TNA’s concepts are the best. One example is their latest craziness involving the tag champs (Team 3-D), the new X-Division champ (Black Machismo), and the new TNA champ Kurt Angle. There’s all sorts of things going on with this that we’re having a hard time following, but what we do know is that the tag champs will take on the other two champs in a match and anyone who gets pinned loses their belt to the pinner at the next PPV, Victory Road. Make sense? Yea, we didn’t think so.

All you need to know right now is that Samoa Joe pinned Chris Saban in a three-way match, which also included Black Machismo, for the X Division championship and advanced to the Match of Champions. Damn Black Machismo, we thought you could hold onto the belt longer than that. Now, we gotta wait until next week to see who else advances and becomes Joe’s partner because there will be another three-way match between Christian Cage, Rhyno and the champ Kurt Angle next Thursday. Considering the history between Joe and Angle, we wouldn’t be surprised to see TNA give Angle the match and put another twist on their rivalry.

But the real kick to the WWE’s balls came when Jeff Jarrett revealed the reason why he’s been mysteriously out of action recently. In a tear filled interview, the King of the Mountain broke character and revealed that he lost his wife to cancer. This really makes the “mock murder of Vince McMahon” plotline look even more ridiculous.

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All Other Sports

Another fat guy thinks he’s a pro wrestler

We don’t usually bring you news from the world of pro wrestling; especially those crappy fringe promotions that are diluted with dreams of becoming the next WWE or TNA, but it’s hard to ignore a wrestler who is six feet tall and weight in at 600+ pounds. That’s right, we said over 600 pounds! That should make Rosie O’Donnell feel a little bit better about her girth.

Mike Stanco, oops, we mean Maximum Capacity has big dreams (could they be of any other variety?) of making it to the elite level in sports entertainment and he seems to think that his fat gut and saggy titties are just the gimmick to get his foot in the door. But if you’re one of those people who think that Jeff Gordon or Phil Helmuth are closer to being true “athletes” than greased up pro wrestlers, then this guy probably isn’t going to be the one to change you mind. Just listen to fat boy’s diet:

In one day, I know I’ve eaten more than 20,000 calories easy. I may have a McDonald’s meal where I’ll have four double cheeseburgers, two large fries and a 20-piece [McNuggets]. That’s about 4,000 calories. Then if you get a bag of chips and a thing of juice, that’s another 2,000.

Hey, at least he threw some juice in there. But regardless of his poor diet or lack of experience or lack of athletic ability or menial talent or…(should we go on?), Maximum Capacity seems to think that he’s the best big man to ever step through the ropes.

I’m not trying to be conceited, but I believe I’m the best big man this business has ever seen. Better than Yokozuna, Andre [the Giant], Big Show and all those guys. None of those guys are able to move the way I do inside the ring.

Here, you be the judge:

Personally, we think that those guys’ legacies are all pretty safe. But if Maximum Capacity keeps up his McDonald’s diet then he could challenge this tub of lard for the most disturbing story of poor health in the history of civilization.

Links:

[Sun-Sentinel.com]: His 600 pounds are weighing heavily on wrestler `Maximum Capacity’ Stanco
[MaxCapacity.com]: Maximum Capacity Home Page

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General Sports

Do pro wrestler also take fake steroids?



You mean this might
not be natural?

You knew that it wouldn’t be long until the steroid scandal would leave the arena of conventional sport and into the world of sports entertainment. And now it has as WWE superstars Randy Orton, Edge, Gregory Helms and eight others have joined the likes of Jose Conseco, John Rocker and Evander Holyfield as “cheaters of the game.”

Orton allegedly received eight prescriptions for six different drugs including testosterone back in 2004. Oddly enough the doctors that wrote the prescriptions for “The Legend Killer” are two of the doctors who names appear in the file of Gary Matthews Jr. That’s weird. And an Arizona doctor has come up repeatedly in the files of other wrasslers like Kurt Angle, Rey Mysterio and the late Eddie Guerrero.

So far the WWE has been quiet about the situation but it shouldn’t be a big surprise that a bunch of guys who perform in their underwear are concerned about having chiseled bodies. Sure, it’s illegal but isn’t the concern about steroids in sports centered on the premise that they provide an unfair athletic advantage to one person over another? Because if that’s the case, then what does it matter if these guys shoot up until their head quadruples in size? After all, pro wrestling is constantly criticized as nothing more than a bunch of meatheads starring in a man’s soap opera.

Health concerns are a big factor in the necessary ban of the illegal drugs, but it’s not like America is suddenly a deeply compassionate country when it comes to the health of an individual performer. The last time America actually gave a flip about the injury of a sporting figure was when Barbaro broke his leg.

Links:

[SI.com]: Wrestlers allegedly tied to drug ring
[Steroid Nation]: Operation Netroids