Category: NFL General

In case you missed it, here’s the exchange between Tory Holt and Michael Irvin on NFL Total Access:

Holt: This is the original playmaker.

Irvin: The playmaker, the noun, not the adjective. See, most people we say, “boy, he is a playmaker. I am the playmaker. The noun. Not the adjective.

Now, I only went to high school for 6 years, but I’m pretty sure that both are nouns. Hey Noun Playmaker, you might want to know what the hell you’re talking about before you make a joke. That’s how I feel about it anyway.

Signed,
The blogger, the noun, not the adjective.

White Castle has a petition currently signed by about 16,000 people to make the Monday after the Super Bowl a national holiday.

We, the undersigned, do hereby request the establishment of Monday, the Day After the “Big Game” (DA DAY) as a national holiday.

Notice how they don’t use the term Super Bowl because that would involve paying a fee to the NFL. I don’t know, all things being considered, I’d rather have the the Thursday and Friday of the opening round of March Madness as holidays. I’m sick of sneaking out of work to hit the local bar two days in a row.

Among the top stories I listed everyone would be sick of, I was definitely right about one and I’m starting to change my mind about the other. If I have to hear another story or mention about “the Bus going home”, I’m going to have to kill someone. But I’m starting to believe all the stories about Detroit really not being that bad of a place. Man, I tell you, these writers, they can sell snow to an eskimo. Or maybe they’re just right.

[Detroit Free Press]: Mitch Albom: Welcome, world: XL-sized smiles will greet skeptical visitors
[Seattle PI]: Culturally speaking, Detroit is hoppin’
[Jepreport]: A Little About The Host of Super Bowl XL
[Denver Post]: Motown’s features battered, bruised

I need to fire my agent

You know you have that one friend who doesn’t get the whole online thing. The guy who will forward you every single hoax email and add the message “hey, why not? It could happen!” We hate that guy. But this promotion is legit and has us saying “hey why not?”

Papa John’s is giving everyone who registers on their site a free large pan pepperoni pizza if anyone catches a pass for 86 yards or more. The longest pass play in Super Bowl history? 85 yards from Jake Delhomme to Muhsin Muhammed. So yeah, it’s not a gimme but it can be done. And we’re suckers for free pizza. It beats blowing your money on that stupid grid the person in your office with the least football knowledge is putting together. Registration ends before kickoff.

[PapaJohns]: Registration Form

Mostly I hate talking sports with people who don’t know sports. But I absolutely hate talking sports with people who think that athletes are overpaid and whiny. Now, there certainly are athletes stealing paychecks (certain NBA players come to mind) but NFL players certainly earn their paycheck. Anytime you can be paralyzed while playing for the entertainment of millions of people, I say you deserve every penny you get.

According to a report in the Detroit Free Press, 78% of all NFL players are divorced, bankrupt or unemployed two years after leaving the game, and the average career of a pro player is less than 4 years. Afterward, they don’t know how to adjust back to normal lives and blow most of their money on maintaining their lifestyle and trying to get back into shape for another shot in the NFL. It certainly doesn’t suck to be a pro athlete, but it isn’t all money, hos, and Bentleys, either.

[Speaking Sports]: Most athletes living post-NFL aren’t successful
[Detroit Free Press]: Tackling life after the game

Sorry, I couldn’t resist that as a headline. It’s actually my favorite one from the Cracked.com spoof on ESPN’s coverage of the Super Bowl. They nail ESPN’s ridiculously overhyped recycled coverage. The headline above is “Why is Ben Roethlisberger starting for the Steelers instead of Charlie Batch? Scoop Jackson exposes Bill Cowher’s history of unabashed racism.” You gotta love this. I guess we’re not the only ones who think Scoop Jackson never saw a topic where he couldn’t play the race card.

Sadly, it’s just a front door and none of the links work but here are some of the best:

BILL SIMMONS
An ape could have picked the playoffs with more accuracy than me

Detroit Native Jerome “From Detroit” Bettis to Play Super Bowl in Detroit (His Hometown)

Seahawk Punter dedicates game to the late Kurt Cobain

Jagger takes wardrobe precautions to ensure scrotum doesn’t slip out of bottom of pants during halftime performance

Today, Dr. Z handed out his ratings for NFL announcers and the ESPN Sunday Night crew got 0 stars. If only there were a way to give out negative stars. Mike Patrick, Joe Theismann, and Paul Maguire have ruined Sunday night football games so much that I sometimes hated having the good matchups on Sunday Night. Oh, and I can’t even begin to describe how annoying Suzy Sunshine Kolber. Thank god ESPN is breaking up this team next year.

I remember the last game of the season when the three stooges were reminiscing about their time together and even brought back Pat Summerall to speak incoherently. Meanwhile, the rest of the nation was celebrating the fact that we would never have a game announced by these fools again. Here’s a typical exchange:

Maguire: Now watch this block. You don’t think he really loves to block? [The replay actually shows the fullback merely glancing off the shoulder of a linebacker but that doesn’t stop Paul.] Bam! That’s one hell of a block I tell you.
Theisman: I tell you what, Paul, if the Redskins want to win this game, we are going to have to get a TD here.
Patrick: Let’s throw it down to Suzy Kolber.
Kolber: I talked to the assistant trainer and _____ is definitely hurt. Back to you, Mike. [Meanwhile, a whole play has gone by while we have to watch Suzy squint.]

[SI]: Dr. Z’s TV Commentator Awards

… well, at least according to the “Theory of Scrabbletivity”.  A prognosticating method so insane that it might actually work.  Hell, it’s just as credible as Salisbury and Hoge talking out of their asses.

The quarterback with the higher last name value in Scrabble is 6-1 in the playoffs this year:

– Byron Leftwich (17) lost to Tom Brady (11)
– Jake Delhomme (16) beat Eli Manning (10)
– Mark Brunell (9) beat Chris Simms (9)
– Ben Roethlisberger (20) beat Jon Kitna (9)
– Matt Hasselbeck (21) beat Brunell (9)
– Jake Plummer (13) beat Brady (11)
– Roethlisberger (20) beat Peyton Manning (10)
– Delhomme (16) beat Rex Grossman (11)

Following the Theory of Scrabbletivity, Roethlisberger and Hasselbeck should outscore their opponents in more ways than one. Although at face value it seems Roethlisberger should reap in more tile goodness over Hasselbeck, looks are deceiving. Matt — and the Seattle Seahawks — will win by one point, 21-20.  

[Futon Report]: Things in advance about Super Bowl XL that I definitively know for sure is true, no matter what cosmic forces are in action — unless I’m wrong

Does this shirt make me look gay?

You know, after TO got hungover at his birthday bash in Atlantic City, nobody thought he could recover in time to throw a Super Bowl party but he’s going to prove everyone wrong. He has to sign some double-secret-probation waiver, but gosh-darnit, he’s gonna have a party! It’s at Envy, the hottest nightclub in Southeastern Michigan, which basically makes it, like, the hottest nightclub in the world.

It’s $50 to get into the tent, $100 to get into the tent and the first floor, and $200 for VIP access, which will get you into the tent and on the first and second floors.

For those big spenders — and only 20 spots remain — $500 will get you into every section of the club where there’s a party.

The site neglects to point out that there were only 20 spots to begin with. Maybe if Freddie Mitchell signs on to play with the Philadelphia Soul, he can afford one of those $500 tickets.

Get yo popcorn ready!

I realize that 4 out of 6 of Sportsline’s NFL experts picked the Panthers but, really, this is kind of irresponsible isn’t it?

And Dewey defeated Truman too