Around the Rim: Crisis in Canada

Chris Bosh’s raptor impersonation

1. Immune Deficiency
Chris Bosh has recently been diagnosed with Garnett’s Disease. Named after the most famous patient of the illness, the virus affects the entire franchise and leaves only one player to attempt to defend the well-being of the team as a whole. The human body is not built to withstand such an attack, but Bosh is considered to be an extreme case in which the patient actually defies the medical statistics and proceeds to thrive off of the virus. However, his life span remains in question as long as the infection goes untreated. One method of treatment involves an injection of new coaches, followed by a strict regiment of acquiring appropriate talent and drafting healthy bodies. The more controversial procedure involves transplanting the affected patient to a more stable environment conducive to playoff appearances. In the mean time, Bosh has been ordered to continue scoring 20 points and grabbing 12 rebounds every game.

2. Carmelo’s Juice
Carmelo Anthony has been out-running, out-jumping and out-scoring opponents throughout November, and now we know what’s been giving him that extra edge. It’s his “ghetto Kool-Aid.” That’s how Melo refers to his new Mountain Dew, Red Bull concoction named C1.5 Extreme Energy Drink. The league might want to check into the contents of the beverage because Anthony’s been tweaking up and down the court for over 30 a game. The product is only available in the Syracuse, N.Y. area until late December when it will be unleashed on Denver. Rumor has it that the NBA’s version of Droopy Dog, Jeff Van Gundy, has been eagerly anticipating the national release.

3. Load Bearing Joints
Jason Williams had surgery on his right knee in July and has recently complained of frustration due to lingering pain that has kept him from making a full return. Why is this important? Well, Shaquille O’Neal recently had surgery on his left knee and claims that he will be able to make a full recovery. Now, White Chocolate is 6-1, 180 pounds and his knee can’t take the impact. How is Shaq’s knee going to hold up to 35 minutes of running underneath a 7-1, 325 pound frame? As dominant as the Diesel has been over his career, he is obviously in the declining years, and injuries to the knees have been known to end careers. I’ve heard Shaq say in interviews that he plans to play for at least another five years; unfortunately, I’m not sure his body can make the same long term plans.

Wednesday’s Player of the Day: Joe Johnson vs. Charlotte 43 min, 36 pts (FG: 13-24, 3FG: 5-11, FT: 5-5), 3 reb, 5 ast, 2 stl

Thursday’s Game to Watch: Utah (13-3) @ Los Angeles Lakers (9-5) The Lakers lost to the Jazz last Friday in Salt Lake City but Kobe and crew are a much better team inside the friendly confines of the Staples Center where they are 8-2. The Jazz got a big win last night over the Spurs to snap a two game losing streak; tonight they hope to avoid closing out the month of November losing three of four after starting off 12-1.

Buzzer Beater: Pacers forward Al Harrington will never live up to his potential. Sure, he’ll give you a glimpse of his true ability from time to time, like last night when he scored 28 against Golden State with 6-8 shooting from down town. Or the two games this season when he scored 32 points, both in wins. Or the two games in which he grabbed 18 and 14 rebounds. Inconsistency has always been his downfall; if he could string some of these games together then the All-Star votes would start coming.