0:00: Wait, Lee Humphrey’s childhood hero is Peyton Manning? Who the hell has Peyton Manning for a hero? I wonder if he has his fathead on his wall.
0:30: “There were a lot of people who underestimated their ability to make it through this tournament.” Most of it was you and Billy Packer, Jim. Notice that Billy Packer is silent again. He just won’t admit he was wrong.
2:57: In an NCAA tourney first, Noah gets a technical foul for being FUGLY. Ding Ding Ding – Billy Packer just said too long for the 100th time, setting a Final Four record.
5:16: Did Jim Nantz say that Laranega has a grandaughter too but no one cares? Anyway, this game is so boring that Ryan has thrown out this trivia question: Who are the seven coaches who have been to the Final Four and coached in the NCAA? Answers at the bottom of this entry.
8:46: I guess it’s time to root for LSU. Did I ever mention how much I hate Florida sports teams? This is a state that has the Marlins, a team that wins the World Series and then decides to break up the team in a fire sale. Now they’re in danger of being taken over by MLB because their ownership sucks so much. Then they have the Lightning, who win the Stanley Cup with a tradition as long as my junk, which is to say not very long at all. During the playoffs in their Cup run, the scoreboard operator had to inform the crowd what hockey rules like “offsides” and “icing” were. Florida winning any championships at all means that God has no interest in sports.
11:49: Florida is up 49-32. Florida is getting every loose ball, every defensive stand, and every three pointer. At least this game is going fast so we don’t have to suffer through this. I wonder if Joakim Noah will go first or second in the WNBA draft.
15:00: The dream is over for George Mason. Yes, I’m calling this game now. Florida is up by 15. George Mason is playing like an 11 seed right now, not the team that beat UNC and UConn. This just means we have to see Noah’s ugly mug for another game.
On top of this, we have to watch the stupid State Farm and Big Bucking Chicken commercials. I read an article about the advertising agency that has the Burger King account and how they are taking risks. Great. Thanks for taking risks and ruining our NCAA tournament watching experience. Feel free to send Cripsin Porter + Bogusky some hate email.
19:08: A terrible start for GMU as Lee Humphrey makes 2 three-pointers to start the half. (In case you haven’t noticed, I’m blatantly rooting for Groge Mason.) Florida up by 11. This Pontiac Solstice commercial song is probably second only to the Applebees shrimp song as most annoying.
Intermission: Florida is up 31-26 and we’re waiting for the second half to start. This Fed-Ex Kinkos commercial is genius. That basically is every company I’ve ever worked with.
Jay Wright wins the best looking coach of the year award and Adam Morrison wins the Chevy player of the year. Of course, the one that counts, the AP player of the year, went to JJ Redick, who said that the Duke Lacrosse team was a great bunch of guys. You might want to stay away from commenting on Duke Lacrosse, JJ. If you want to support them, write them some poetry or something.
Trivia answer: Calipari, Pitino, Montgomery, Larry Brown, PJ Carlissimo, Jerry Tarkanian, and Lon Kruger.
