Today, Dr. Z handed out his ratings for NFL announcers and the ESPN Sunday Night crew got 0 stars. If only there were a way to give out negative stars. Mike Patrick, Joe Theismann, and Paul Maguire have ruined Sunday night football games so much that I sometimes hated having the good matchups on Sunday Night. Oh, and I can’t even begin to describe how annoying Suzy Sunshine Kolber. Thank god ESPN is breaking up this team next year.
I remember the last game of the season when the three stooges were reminiscing about their time together and even brought back Pat Summerall to speak incoherently. Meanwhile, the rest of the nation was celebrating the fact that we would never have a game announced by these fools again. Here’s a typical exchange:
Maguire: Now watch this block. You don’t think he really loves to block? [The replay actually shows the fullback merely glancing off the shoulder of a linebacker but that doesn’t stop Paul.] Bam! That’s one hell of a block I tell you.
Theisman: I tell you what, Paul, if the Redskins want to win this game, we are going to have to get a TD here.
Patrick: Let’s throw it down to Suzy Kolber.
Kolber: I talked to the assistant trainer and _____ is definitely hurt. Back to you, Mike. [Meanwhile, a whole play has gone by while we have to watch Suzy squint.]
