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Famous last words: "Somebody have 9-1 dialed"

So, how do you know when it’s time to start on a diet? Well, you could hop on a scale or visit the doctor or take your shirt off in public and see how many people point and giggle OR you can hop on skateboard, attempt to drop into a halfpipe and if the wood smashes underneath your fallen body then it’s time to lay off the Twinkies. After all, those ramps should be able to support the weight of a stoner following a 50-foot freefall.

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