Odds and Ends: Brett Favre's future reads like this...

Posted on Thu Jul 03, 2008 at 01:05:24 PM EST in NFL
More on: Brett Favre, Packers, NFL, Alex Rodriguez, Urijah Faber, Wayne Gretzky, Rampage Jackson, Dick Vitale, Erin Andrews, MLB, Len Bias, video, Odds and Ends (all tags)

With rumors ferociously swirling around a potential Brett Favre comeback, everyone is now buzzing about the possibilities. "Are we going to get one more year of horribly timed interceptions?" "Will we get one more season of John Madden slobbering over No. 4?" "Could we still see another euphoric sprint to the end zone?" Who knows. Actually, Tirico Suave knows and they've come up with a pair of headlines from the distant future regarding the NFL's ironman. As indicated, Favre will die at the age of 89, but that still doesn't mean his playing days are over.

In other news...

[NYDailyNews.com]: "Hey, Madonna, whatcha doing tonight?"

[MMAMania.com]: Next up for Urijah Faber is Mike Brown

[The Big Lead]: Thank goodness, she looks nothing like her father

[Throwdown.com]: Rampage is practicing his gangsta rap poses

[Awful Announcing]: Dickie V is just like the rest of us. He's smitten with Erin Andrews too

[The Wizard of Odds]: Art of the cupcake schedule

[Home Run Derby]: Ooh-la-la. Dodgers coconut bra

[ESPN]: Extraordinary piece on the impact of Len Bias' life and death

[The Bad News Bloggers]: Top 10 reasons the NFL salary cap must stay in place

[FBKid's Sports Minute]: It's never too early to start thinking about fantasy football breakout players

[The Sporting Blog]: Weeeeeeeees and pees

And finally, "ringing the bell," huh? So, that's what you kids call it these days.

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We never thought we'd say this, but Oreos are starting to gross us out

Posted on Wed Jul 02, 2008 at 11:09:39 AM EST in NFL
More on: Peyton Manning, Eli Manning, Oreo, lick race (all tags)

The Oreo commercial's with Peyton and Eli Manning going head-to-head in a lick-off always give us the creeps and make us a little nauseous. But now our worst nightmares have come true and the ridiculous ads are leaping off the television screen and right into reality.

PEYTON AND Eli Manning have won Super Bowls, but how quickly can the quarterbacks lick the icing from a Double Stuf Oreo?

Roxborough's George Stolzer, 63, a retired firefighter, and his son, Christopher, 36, of Honey Brook, a shipping manager at UMAC, will find out on July 10 as they battle the Mannings in hopes of winning $10,000 in the Oreo Double Stuf Racing League "Lick Race" in New Orleans.

We're guessing it's going to look a lot like when we feed our dogs peanut butter, but odder.

Links:
[Hugging Harold Reynolds]: Two guys want to lick the Manning Brothers
[Philly.com]: Mannings put on their game faces for licking contest

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"Tom Brady, tell me how my ring tastes"

Posted on Wed Jul 02, 2008 at 10:07:49 AM EST in NFL
More on: Osi Umenyiora, Tom Brady, rap, Mike and Mike in the Morning, video (all tags)

New York Giants defensive end and reigning Super Bowl champion Osi Umenyiora made a guest appearance on Mike and Mike in the Morning, hosted by a guy named neither Mike nor Mike, and after a little prodding busted out with one of the weakest freestyle raps ever, choosing to aim his venom at the NFL's resident hottie (so we're told).

Somewhere out there, Max & Sam are taking some serious notes on how to improve their game. Well, Max is.

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Ricky Williams is somehow nuttier without his marijuana

Posted on Tue Jul 01, 2008 at 10:35:32 AM EST in NFL
More on: Ricky Williams, Dolphins, NFL, doctor, crazy (all tags)

As if the world doesn't already have enough quack doctors out there rendering their "services" to the public, now we've got to start preparing for Ricky Williams M.D. That's right, the NFL's oddest oddball declared in a recent interview that he wants to attend medical school after his playing days are over. Are we sure this dude isn't still getting blazed?

After football, Williams wants to return to Texas to finish his degree in education. He has a long way to go and needs about 70 credit hours. After graduating, he wants to go to medical school to be an osteopathic physician so he can offer patients a holistic approach to healing.

"When I retired and I had a chance to be by myself outside of being a football player, I found I enjoy helping people and I had a gift for making people feel better," he said.

Williams said he reads a lot of self-help books, often with metaphysical subjects. But nothing too wild, he said.

"I'm not a UFO guy," he said.

In a similar story, apparently, Michael Vick has been reading lots of books on politics and plans on running for office once he gets out of prison. Either that or be a vet.

Links:
[RealClearSports.com]: Ricky Williams, M.D.
[Boston.com]: 10 years later, Williams looks forward

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Odds and Ends: Fodder for fantasy football fires

Posted on Wed Jun 25, 2008 at 12:12:20 PM EST in NFL
More on: NFL, fantasy football, Tiger Woods, Shaquille O'Neal, Jeremy Shockey, umpire, Kobe Bryant, Nas, Chuck Liddell, sports bras, video, Odds and Ends (all tags)

Remember back in the good ol' days when running backs where the most important position in the fantasy football universe. Well, thanks to the two-back system sensation that is sweeping the NFL nation, those days appear to be over; at least, according to WhatIfSports.com. They released their 08 season predicitions this week and the QBs are defiantly the dominant species with seven in the top 10 and 10 appearing in the top 15. Here's their breakdown of the top 10 scorers overall.

1. Tom Brady, QB, Patriots
2. Peyton Manning, QB, Colts
3. Tony Romo, QB, Cowboys
4. LaDanian Tomlinson, RB, Chargers
5. Brian Westbrook, RB, Eagles
6. Drew Brees, QB, Saints
7. Derek Anderson, QB, Browns
8. Carson Palmer, QB, Bengals
9. Adrian Peterson, RB, Vikings
10. Eli Manning, QB, Giants

Just for comparisons sake, here's a quick rundown of the projected top 10 players prior to the 2007 season as seen by SI.com:

1. LaDainian Tomlinson, RB, Chargers
2. Steven Jackson, RB, Rams
3. Larry Johnson, RB, Chiefs
4. Frank Gore, RB, 49ers
5. Shaun Alexander, RB, Seahawks
6. Willie Parker, RB, Steelers
7. Rudi Johnson, RB, Bengals
8. Brian Westbrook, RB, Eagles
9. Peyton Manning, QB, Colts
10. Joseph Addai, RB, Colts

In other news...

[The Beardown]: Buy Tiger Woods' apple cores??

[Tirico Suave]: Maricopa County sheriff asks "Shaq, tell me how my ass tastes"

[Giants Football Blog]: Michael Strahan reveals Jeremy Shockey wants out of NYC. Well, duh!

[Deuce of Davenport]: KITT is still cooler than the Hoff

[Bugs & Cranks]: Attack of the broken bat

[Sportaphile.com]: Kobe Bryant continues to take a beating, this time from rapper Nas

[PartMule.com]: "Holy Jesus, look at the butt on that"

[YouTube.com]: You can find Chuck Liddell in the club

[Epic Carnival]: Yippee!! It's National Sports Bra Week

[Home Run Derby]: The Jheri Curl All-Stars

And finally, crunk is officially dead. Let the era of mumbles begin.

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Clinton Portis channels four more figments of his imagination

Posted on Wed Jun 25, 2008 at 11:27:36 AM EST in NFL
More on: Clinton Portis, NFL, Redskins, characters (all tags)

Clinton Portis is a wild and crazy cat indeed. One of his absolute favorite things to do is dress up like its Halloween every time he does a press conference and being the fan friendly guy that he is, Portis is allowing you to choose which reincarnation attends. Here are your choices.

Bud Foxx

» Occupation: Ultimate Fighter
» Win-loss record: 0 wins, 17 losses
» Weight class: 115 pounds, but he weighs 220 pounds
» Finishing move: Cracking fingers

Foxx suffered a fast defeat at the (fully intact) hands of NFL researcher George Li to keep his winless streak alive.

Dr. Do Itch Big

» Occupation: Dentist
» Fact: Does his own dental work in the mirror
» Motto: "Cleaning up the NFL one mouth at a time"

The good doctor started his bicuspid crusade by enhancing the grills of former Giants DE Michael Strahan and Bills RB Marshawn Lynch.

Electra

» Occupation: Environmentalist
» Education: Masters in Electrical Engineering from MIT
» Motto: "Off the grid is off the chain"
» Facts: Lives in a solar-powered green house and smokes a pipe

The Earth-lover's decision to step back on the grid to keep Rich Eisen caffeinated gave him a jolt from which he may not recover.

Prime Minister Yah Mon

» Occupation: Prime Minister
» Birthplace: Somewhere between Jamaica and the United States
» Fact: Running for President of the United States as an independent

Forget Obama and McCain. Come November, vote for this dreadlocked diplomat, who promises to lower gas prices by at least 40 cents.

Here's the video bios for these goons.

Links:
[NFL.com]: Vote for your favorite Portis character

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He is serious...and don't call him Pacman

Posted on Tue Jun 24, 2008 at 10:56:47 AM EST in NFL
More on: Pacman Jones, Cowboys, NFL, nickname (all tags)

Pacman Jones no longer wants to be called Pacman Jones. Apparently, it is time to turn over a new leaf for Jones on and off the field, starting with that pesky nickname. OK, sure, and while we're at it, why don't we just stop calling Magic Johnson, Magic and drop the Kimbo from Kimbo Slice? What about striking Tiger from our memories as well? Listen, Pacman is here to stay and even if it weren't, we're certainly not going to resort to calling him Adam or Mr. Jones. However, we will consider the following list of possible Pacman replacements offered up from the fellas at Bleacher Report.

Donkey Kong Jones: For not only his objectification of women, but also his rumored penchant for throwing barrels at Italian plumbers.

Galaga Jones: For his seeming inability to end a confrontation of any level without a certain level of gun play, coupled with his quest for interstellar domination.

Excite-Bike Jones: For his ability to escape the scene of any crime at an incredibly high rate of speed along a linear and predictable path.

Tecmo-Bowl Jones: Since the only time Jones will ever get to play in a Super Bowl will be vicariously through a poorly pixilated video simulation with a limited play-calling selection (not unlike the Minnesota Vikings).

Frogger Jones: For Jones' amazing ability to sidestep and avoid any semblance of personal responsibility and accountability.

Ms. Pacman Jones: For his girlish and childlike attempt to escape his past and self-created reputation by trying to get a publicist to get people to stop calling him Pacman.

If we're sticking with the video game theme then we're going to throw Grand Theft Auto Jones into the mix. Seems fitting considering shooting up strip clubs is actually part of the game.

Links:
[Bleacher Report]: The Best New Nicknames for Adam `Pacman' Jones

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The first in a soon-to-be long string of "shocking" NFL predictions

Posted on Wed Jun 18, 2008 at 09:27:40 AM EST in NFL
More on: NFL, predictions, Matt Forte, Drew Stanton, Keith Rivers, Raiders, Panthers, Jonathan Stewart, Bills, Steelers, Cowboys, Troy Smith, Ravens (all tags)

Say hello to your newest
1,000-yard rusher

The NBA season is officially over, signifying the official starting of the countdown to the NFL kickoff. We're still trying to figure out who our keeper is going to be for this year's fantasy team, but, luckily, we still have time. And between now and then, we'll probably flip flop between players over a hundred times thanks to crazy, outlandish predictions like these from FBKid's Sports Minute.

Fbkid's top ten shocking predictions for the NFL season

10. Matt Forte will run for 1,000 yards as a rookie

9. Drew Stanton will be the starting quarterback for the Lions by the end of the year

8. Keith Rivers will win defensive rookie of the year

7. The Oakland Raiders will be a playoff spoiler come December

6. The Carolina Panthers will make the playoffs

5. Jonathan Stewart will win offensive rookie of the year

4. The Buffalo Bills will make the playoffs

3. The Pittsburgh Steelers won't make the playoffs

2. The Cowboys won't be representing the NFC in the Super Bowl

1. Troy Smith will be the starting quarterback for the Ravens week one

We'll go out on a limb and say the Cowboys won't be representing the NFC and TO will once again go home with snot coming out his nose and tears streaming behind his Kool Moe Dee shades. Either way, you need to get your popcorn ready because you're going to want a snack while you wait for the season kickoff to roll around on September 4. Skins in New York to face the Super Bowl champs, in case you were wondering.

Links:
[FBKid's Sports Minute]: top ten shocking predictions for the NFL season

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Brian Westbrook's decision to go down is still reverberating though the world of fantasy

Posted on Tue Jun 17, 2008 at 10:03:26 AM EST in NFL
More on: Brian Westbrook, Eagles, NFL, touchdown, fantasy football (all tags)

Fantasy football participants across the globe still remember the exact feelings that rushed throughout their body during the final moments of last season's matchup between the Eagles and the Cowboys in Week 15. Well, let's rephrase that. Fantasy football participants across the globe who either owned Brian Westbrook or played against Brian Westbrook still remember the exact feelings that rushed throughout their body during the final moments of last season's matchup between the Eagles and the Cowboys in Week 15. Unfortunately for Cardinals wide receiver Larry Fitzgerald, Westbrook was starting for him that week.

Larry Fitzgerald spoke for millions (thousands, anyway) of people in the NFL world when he told Philadelphia running back Brian Westbrook at the 2008 Pro Bowl, "You ruined my fantasy football team."

The Cardinals' receiver was one of many people on the wrong side of the NFL's version of "The Play." It was fantasy's answer to Jim Marshall running the wrong way, or Don Beebe chasing down Leon Lett to strip him of a sure touchdown in Super Bowl XXVII. If fantasy football ever had a "Where were you?" moment, this was it. But what was it?

Late in the fourth quarter of a week-15 game at Dallas, with Philadelphia leading by four points, Westbrook took a handoff and broke through the Cowboys' defense. It looked like a certain 25-yard touchdown run. The score would have given the Eagles a 17-6 lead, but the Cowboys would get the ball back. However, if Westbrook didn't cross the plane of the goal line, it would simply give the Eagles a first down and the ability to run out the clock (the Cowboys having already spent their time outs). As fantasy fans began to rejoice (early) with this late score, Eagles fans watched in delight as Westbrook simply fell down on the 1-yard line. His thoughtful, heady, unselfish play let the Eagles run out the clock, and Philadelphia defeated its longtime rivals, 10-6.

Westbrook's fantasy owners, however, wept.

A play like that, at any point of the season, would normally be cause for great discussion -- who is this guy playing for, me or the Eagles? But because it came in week 15 -- a playoff week in many fantasy football leagues -- it was monumental. ...

Westbrook was a star for his owners in 2007. He led the NFL with 2,104 yards from scrimmage and scored 12 touchdowns. But he has been portrayed as a villain by many fantasy owners for his play. Here's a secret, though: He wasn't the mastermind behind the fantasy and real-life game-changer. Eagles tackle Jon Runyan was the one who suggested that Westbrook lie down to eat up more clock. Figure that -- an offensive lineman, normally far away from the football, coming up with the most selfless play imaginable to win a game. On the replay, Runyan can even be seen chasing Westbrook down the field instructing him to hit the turf.

"Maybe I wasn't on his [fantasy] team," Westbrook joked. "But no, that's just Jon. He's always coming up with stuff like that. He's a smart guy. He told me that if I break the play [through the defense], I need to go down at the one."

Listen, Brian, we're sorry about all that hate mail we've been sending you over the last several months, but that play cost us our shot at our league's postseason. So, if you don't mind, could you please forward all our letters to Runyan, we'd appreciate it. Hopefully, you haven't opened any of it yet; especially the package without a return address.

Links:
[NFL.com]: Westbrook's heady play was a fantasy stunner

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Jerome Bettis relieves himself in lavish luxury and so can you

Posted on Fri Jun 13, 2008 at 09:41:31 AM EST in NFL
More on: Jerome Bettis, Grille 36, Pittsburgh, bathroom (all tags)

The old man used to have an unusual obsession when we were growing up, he wanted to visit every public restroom in America and write a book about his experiences. Unfortunately, after making the trip to a few filthy truck stops and rest stops outside of the city limits, that dream was quickly flushed down the toilet. However, if he'd just head to Jerome Bettis' Grille 36 in Pittsburgh then it could be just what the doctor ordered to get those old creative juices flowing (no pun intended) once again.

The Jerome Bettis' Grille 36 on Pittsburgh's North Shore has been chosen as one of 10 finalists for America's best public restroom.

The grille's restrooms feature custom marble tile, plus a one-way mirror above the urinals in the men's room, which lets patrons see out into the bar.

"The lighting is dim, so I guess it's a comfortable atmosphere for your restroom needs," said manager Candy Mann.

"You can see most of the TVs on the back wall, and all of your friends and relatives," said entertainment engineer Jake Karan. "You can check on your girlfriend, too."

It is the first time the restaurant has been nominated for the "America's Best Restroom" contest. You can vote for it at www.BestRestroom.com.

We appreciate all the effort from the Bus to make everyone feel at home when upon his throne, but there's just something about dropping a deuce from 95 floors up that just can't be beat. Sorry, Jerome, but our vote is going to the Windy City.

Links:
[ThePittsburghChannel.com]: Jerome Bettis Grille 36 Nominated For Best Restroom

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