Categories
NBA General

Which NBA superstars could make great knockout artists?

We were as shocked as the next guy to see Kendall Gill provide a little guest commentary during ESPN Friday Night Fights In Your Corner, but there he was. But, hey, the former NBA journeyman does own a 3-0 record as a cruiserweight, making him a shoe-in for best pro baller turned brawler. Gill’s appearance got The Caveman Network to thinking about what other NBA stars could make it in the fight game. Here’s their top five:

5. Richard Hamilton : Yeah, he’s skinny, but so is Paul Williams. Hamilton’s fluidity and conditioning are something to behold, and he’s stronger than he looks. Just like he punishes would-be defenders by running them through screens, Hamilton would torture opponents in the ring with his great conditioning and work rate, just like Williams, aka “The Punisher”.

4. Kobe Bryant : His competitive ability means he will technically master whatever combat sport he dedicates himself to. He will also carry the killer instinct from the court to the ring or cage. Just like he plays basketball like a game of chess, he will be a chessboxer in the ring.

3. Ron Artest : He was the main villain in the Malice in the Palace. He boxes. He broke Michael Jordan’s ribs. He’s a little crazy. He’s jacked (6-7, 240 lbs). Imagine Rampage Jackson with a loose screw in his head.

2. Allen Iverson : If one of them were his main sport, he could be great in either boxing or MMA. He’s a born athlete with great ability and instincts. He’s wiry strong, lightning quick and super-coordinated. He tops it all with long arms and unbelievable creativity.

1. Latrell Sprewell : He’s not in the NBA anymore, but nevertheless, Spree has and lean and mean body to dominate almost any sport he puts his mind to. He’s got a compact torso, long limbs, and not a wasted bone or muscle for peak athletic performance. He’s explosive, both in terms of quickness and temperament. He’s the type of guy you just don’t mess with. Whenever he enters the ring or cage, he will be looking for the kill, and his body will help him get it.

Of course, we can’t forget about Stephon Marbury. He already acts punch-drunk and with his new tat, he’s working on his Iron Mike mentality. But if we’re talking about a kung-fu street fight, it’s Bruce Bowen all the way.

Links:

[The Caveman Network]: Cool Out!: Top 5 NBA Players Likely to Make Great Fighters

Categories
College Football

Odds and Ends: Desmond Howard now has the second most famous Heisman pose

As soon as we saw this picture of Tim Tebow, we knew we had to post it. After all, could anything be better than a photograph of the only sophomore to ever win the Heisman Trophy breaking out “the pose” with a baby in hand while wearing a pair of Florida Gators colored Crocs. Simply put, no. Thanks, Busted Coverage.

In other news…

[FanHouse.com]: Slump Buster is back with a whole new look

[FantasyBasketballDaily.com]: We gotta agree, Jose Calderon is poised for another breakout season

[Awful Announcing]: Here’s one way to get your kid addicted to alcohol at an early age

[PhillyBurbs.com]: Bret Hart is a prick

[BleedEaglesGreen.com]: Sorry, Tony Romo, but you’re not in this guy’s Fave 5 (or 10)

[NFL.com]: L.A.’s wait continues

[HoopsWorld.com]: The Clips put Shaun Livingston out to pasture

[The700Level.com]: It’s hard to be professional when Alyssa Milano is in the booth

[The Caveman Network]: Chris Duhon?!?! Hey, Plaschke, you do know who Chris Duhon is, right?

[MMA Chump]: Daaaaaaaaaamn, Gina!!

And finally, from Tirico Suave, we give you the Official Mr. Belvedere Fun Kit.

Categories
Jacksonville Jaguars

Matt Jones gets busted with cocaine in Arkansas

Sure, being a pro athlete sounds great and wonderful, but they have lives full of stress, demands, headaches and tons of physical activity. Sound familiar? Everything except the physical activity, of course. They might get paid millions more, but, in reality, they deal with the same crap as us normal folks, but just on a higher level. So, some guys decide to turn to drugs to help cope with the pressures of everyday life and, just like millions of others, they get busted for it. See, they’re not so different. At least, Matt Jones and Brad Miller aren’t so different.

Jaguars wide receiver Matt Jones has been arrested on cocaine charges in Arkansas.

The Washington County Sheriff’s Office says officers arrested Jones and two other men as they sat in a Toyota 4Runner in an unlit parking lot in a known drug area.

The preliminary arrest report shows an officer saw Jones sitting in the back seat of the car with a white card with a white powdery substance on it, and a credit card in his other hand.

The officer said he opened the door and asked Jones to “put his hands where he could see them.”

Authorities say Jones didn’t comply right away and hid his left hand. The officer drew his gun and ordered Jones out of the vehicle. Jones got out and the officer put him in handcuffs.

Oh, Matt, Matt, Matt. A 4Runner in an unlit parking lot in a known drug area? That’s just asking for trouble, shouldn’t be long until we get one of these from Mr. Jones: a public apology.

Kings center Brad Miller has been suspended for the first five games of the 2008-09 season after violating terms of the NBA/NBPA Anti-Drug Program, the league announced Thursday.

“I want to apologize to my family, teammates, fans and entire Kings organization, ” Miller said in a statement released by the team. “I made a mistake. It was an error in judgment and I’m very sorry. I regret it deeply. It’s something I won’t and can’t take lightly. I hope to bounce back from this as a better person and I’m excited about the upcoming season.”

Huh, we never would have figured sitting out five games for the Kings would be considered a punishment. Sounds like a good way to avoid participating in the first five losses of the season to us.

Links:

[FirstCoastNews.com]: Jaguars WR Matt Jones Arrested on Cocaine Charges in Arkansas
[SacBee.com]: NBA suspends Kings’ Miller for violating anti-drug program

Categories
Arizona Diamondbacks

Odds and Ends: More testicle news than you can stuff in a sack


Awful Announcing brought our attention to a peak and our breakfast back into our mouths when they relayed a story from ABC News concerning what lies ahead for Diamondbacks catcher Chris Snyder and his recently fractured testicle. Here are some of the chilling details.

“I don’t think [Synder will] have a difficult time with it,” he [Jack Llewellyn] said. “With catchers it’s a little bit of a different situation, because catchers are usually perceived as the more rugged guys on a team. They’re used to being hit by foul tips.”

Still, a testicular fracture is not something that is easily shaken off. In simple terms, a testicular fracture involves a “crack” in the testicle; the organ retains its shape, but it is damaged. Though different from a testicular rupture, which involves a complete hemorrhage of the testicle, a fracture in this delicate organ can be extraordinarily painful — and may even require surgery, in many cases.

“It is indeed extraordinarily painful,” said Dr. Mark Litwin, professor of urology and public health at the University of California at Los Angeles. Litwin adds that the natural vulnerability of testicles is “one of these anatomical curiosities med students never understand.”

“The placement of ovaries makes sense. … [Testicles] are in the worst place you could put them. They really are in harm’s way.”

Hey, Doc, you don’t need to tell wrestler D.J. St. James about that.

St. James was a freshman wrestler competing at a high school tournament six years ago. During one match, he was performing a single leg takedown on his opponent when he sustained a sudden and surprising injury.

“When he fell down, his foot came up between my legs,” St. James said. “His foot exploded my testicle.”

St. James didn’t realize the extent of his injury at first. He finished the match with a victory. But the seriousness of the situation soon hit.

“After I walked off the mat, I fell to the ground when I felt the pain,” he recalled. “I can’t describe how much it hurt. … It swelled up bigger than my fist.”

Sweet.

In other news…

[Sports Crackle Pop]: We got two words for ya: Drunk referee

[JarrettCarter.com]: High school basketball players strike back

[OnlineSportsFanatic.com]: NCAA football is right around the corner…NCAA Football 09, that is

[MMA Chump]: Forrest Griffin and Rampage Jackson get suspended following UFC 86

[Grab Your Balls]: Kevin Durant might be a Thundercat. Snarf, snarf!

[NewsOK.com]: Michael Vick’s exact opposite

[Lion in Oil]: What do the sons of Wayne Gretzky, Joe Montana and Will Smith have in common? The gridiron, of course

[The Angry T]: So much money and, yet, such horrible taste in ink

[People.com]: Tony Romo is soooo whipped

[Tirico Suave]: Real life Tony Soprano waves Jeter home

And finally, a day at the beach with a sweet voice-over.

See morefunny videosand funny pictureson CollegeHumor
Categories
Cleveland Cavaliers

College kids dethrone King James and CP3 during pickup games

If you thought that Baron Davis heading to the Clippers or Elton Brand bolting from the same squad was shocking then just wait until you hear the latest news involving two of the league’s brightest superstars. On Monday night, LeBron James stopped by his hometown of Akron, Ohio with his buddy Chris Paul by his side and together they conducted the second annual LeBron James Skills Academy. The bombshell wasn’t that James and Paul showed up, although that caused a bit of a ruckus at the gym; no, the real eye-opener was that the duo damn near got run off the court during their stay.

The five-man team led by James and Paul lost.

Three times, in fact.

Swear to LeBron, a team featuring Paul and James — plus Cavs rookie Darnell Jackson — won four games and lost three, and this does not bode well for our Olympic dreams, I don’t think. Furthermore, if this is the result when James plays with other great players perhaps Cleveland general manager Danny Ferry is doing the right thing by surrounding his star with garbage, but that’s another column for another day.

Anyway, the group that gave Team James-Paul the most trouble was comprised of Jonny Flynn (Syracuse), Patrick Beverley (Arkansas), Patrick Christopher (California), Terrence Williams (Louisville) and Jarvis Varnado (Mississippi State). They went 2-2 against Team James-Paul and created memories they seemed to cherish immediately.

Yup, whooping the King at his own event is probably something that’s going to stick with these kids. We’re just wondering if LBJ had to score 29 of his team’s last 30 points in order to secure the series.

Links:

[Sports Crackle Pop]: Lebron James and Chris Paul play hoops with campers and….LOSE
[Sportsline.com]: LeBron, Paul provide unforgettable scene, stirring memories

Categories
New York Yankees

Odds and Ends: "Ball game over! The cake is tainted! Theeeeeeeeeeeeee cake is tainted!"

If you think double-dipping is disgusting then what about finger-dipping? You know, when someone sticks their finger in something, sucks it clean and then walks away. Like Puck and the peanut butter back when The Real World was actually worth watching. Well, according to the New York Post, if you happen to work in the same stadium as Yankees radio announcer John Sterling then you might want to get a vomit bucket ready.

“Sterling has made a habit of walking over to the dessert table and dipping his finger into the ice cream barrel,” one stadium worker told us, adding that the play-by-play vet has also used the same tablespoon to repeatedly take samples. During the Boston series, “He wandered over to the cake and pie section, broke off a piece of a cake slice, ate it and wiped his grimy hands on the linen tablecloth, leaving the remainder of the slice for someone else to eat – which indeed happened,” our spy continued.

Ewwwww. Kid Rock and Tommy Lee won’t even touch those sloppy seconds.

In other news…

[BostonSportz.com]: Even NFL coaches think Tom Brady is hot catch

[FightChat.com]: Need inspiration to become a MMA superstar? Well, here’s the caliber of chicks you could bang

[NBA.com]: Its official! Suck on that Seattle!

[PerezHilton.com]: For once, we agree with Mr. Rainbow Bright

[BooshMagazine.com]: It’s time to play everybody’s favorite game: Legal or Olympic Jailbait!

[The Wall Street Journal]: The NBA mines New Delhi for talent

[FightChat.com]: 16 MMA knockouts in the blink of an eye

[Babble.com]: A-Rod loves him some strippers

[NFLJuice.com]: We like big butts and we cannot lie…

[Tirico Suave]: Go, go, Power Plaschke!

And finally, this is why you always, always, always lock up your lightsaber.

Categories
Seattle Supersonics

So long, Seattle SuperSonics

You shall be missed

A lot of people have a lot of problems with the way David Stern is running the NBA. Basically, they think he’s letting the league go straight down the drain while becoming a laughingstock in the process. Between the referee gambling scandal, the end of an era in Seattle and the drafting of Joakim Noah, some fans are simply fed up with the situation and they’re not going to take it anymore. Here’s one of the thousands of fan resignation letters currently flooding the NBA’s home office in New York.

Dear Commissioner Stern,

I have been an NBA fan since birth, rooting the majority for my home state team, the Chicago Bulls through thick and thin times.

But the news coming from Seattle is disheartening. I am through with these games, in which owners of professional sports franchises hang cities like Seattle by the balls until they scream ‘uncle’ on a new arena. That’s not how it was growing up watching Jordan and Pippen play. Jordan himself said the old Chicago Stadium was a better venue than the United Center, to which he compared it to a shopping mall.

And so in situations like this, where Clay Bennett and Co., single handedly ripped the SuperSonics from Seattle, a 41-year old franchise; that I submit my fan resignation letter to the once proud National Basketball Association.

I no longer want to be involved with anything from or with this league.

I truly believe the NBA is making a grave, and arrogant, mistake shunning the Seattle market. The over/under for the Oklahoma City team is 3 years for me. Then they’ll turn into a Memphis organization, or a Charlotte Bobcats organization (sorry Mike).

You, Commissioner Stern turned a blind eye to the economics of Seattle, not even trying to cut a deal with the lawmakers. You just showed up to the capital, whining about a new stadium. You are a hazard to this league. I feel for the good of the game, you should leave the NBA with someone that knows how to run it.

This league hasn’t been the same since June 1998, when MJ made the shot over Bryon Russell in Utah.

I’m done.

Sincerely,

Ryan K.

Of course, there are plenty of pissed-off blowhards sending in video responses on the matter too. God bless modern technology.

Links:

[YardBarker.com]: NBA fan resignation letter

Categories
LA Clippers

All of L.A. will soon be sporting Baron Davis beards

Baron Davis stunned the basketball world by bolting from Golden State for one of the most pathetic franchises ever in existence: the Clippers. There’s really only two ways this can work out for B-Dizzle, a) he helps turn around a team’s fortunes, dotting the NBA landscape with two relevant Los Angeles squads or b) he looks back in a few years and says “Dear Lord, what have I done?” Either way, Clipper Nation (if there is such a thing) wins big. The fans finally have a legitimate star to root for and he’s a hometown hero to boot. Davis deserves a lot of credit for making such a gigantic leap of faith, but, frankly, we think the City of Angels owes this guy a beer for being the influencing factor in the move. After all, how could B.D. resist this sultry serenade home?

Categories
General Sports

No anal fissures here (sorry Kaz Matsui), but these are still some really strange injuries

We called in sick to work today and told our boss that we were “murdered and then set on fire” while celebrating our birthdays. He’s a total moron, so he bought it, but we have to bring in a doctor’s note which we’ll be forging during Judge Judy this afternoon. Anyways, while we were surfing the web and finishing off a six-pack of Bud Ice, we came across The Hungry Actor‘s list of Top 10 Strange Sports Injuries and realized that our excuse wasn’t so farfetched after all.

10. Brian Griese trips over his pet poodle and sprains his ankle.

9. John Smoltz burns himself while ironing a shirt he was wearing.

8. Tom Glavine breaks a rib while vomiting up an inflight meal.

7. Brandon Inge pulls his oblique while readjusting a pillow on his couch.

6. Glenallen Hill, an extreme arachnaphobic had a nightmare about spiders and while fleeing the spiders he fell into a glass table and received multiple cuts over his entire body.

5. Denny McLain goes to sleep in good health and wakes up with four dislocated toes.

4. Muggsy Bogues misses the second half after accidentally inhaling the fumes from an ointment being used in a halftime treatment.

3. Adam Eaton stabs himself in the stomach with a paring knife trying to remove the packaging of a DVD.

2. Clarence “Climax” Blethen thought he looked meaner when he pitched without his false teeth in. Unfortunately for him he left them in his back pocket while sliding into second and he bit himself on butt.

1. Bret Barberie failed to wash his hands, after making nachos with hot sauce and chili peppers, before he put in his contact lenses. The extreme burning cause him to miss one game.

Honorable Mention: Chris Hanson misses while chopping wood and severely cuts his leg landing himself on the DL for the season; Lionel Simmons developed tendinitis from playing too many video games; Manny Cordova falls asleep in a tanning bed and receives burns so severe he has to miss time; Sammy Sosa sneezes multiple times in the clubhouse prompting a series of back spasms which puts him out of the lineup.

We call dibs on No. 5. We’re planning on calling in sick next Monday too. Three-day 4th of July weekend, here we come!

Links:

[The Hungry Actor]: Top 10 Strange Sports Injuries

Categories
LA Lakers

Odds and Ends: Goggles, it’s a Lakers thing

As kids, if you wore glasses then you were probably going to get made fun of. That’s just one of the many sad facts of childhood. However, once kids get older and mature, they realize that making insulting comments about someone’s appearance is ridiculously petty…except in sports. So, here’s On Deck Sports list of the Top 5 Goggled Athletes. Just get a load of these four-eyed freaks.

5. Kurt Rambis

4. James Worthy

3. Horace Grant

2. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

1. Chris Sabo

And let’s not forget about Dwyane Wade who has the thickest set of beer goggles we’ve ever seen on a pro athlete.

In other news…

[The World of Isaac]: Vince Young fails the NBA Wonderlic Test

[MensVogue.com]: Tom Brady and David Beckham are sexy. We get it already!

[FanHouse]: John Daly and Kid Rock go together like cigarettes and strip clubs

[MMARated.com]: Gina Carano talks about being a female badass

[PostingAndToasting.com]: Renaldo Balkman’s New York Knickmobile

[Hugging Harry Reynolds]: Star Wars Sports, starring Eric Mangino as Jabba the Hut

[YouTube.com]: Watch out, the Ax Murderer has a blade!…And he’s shaving another man with it??? WTF?!

And finally, skateboards finally get a small measure of revenge against humans for years of abuse.