Posted on Thu Jul 24, 2008 at 09:42:48 AM EST in Other Sports
More on: minor league baseball, Lowell Spinners, PC, promotion (all tags)

We here at SportsColumn absolutely abhor political correctness. So, obviously, we're thrilled to be heading out to the ballpark tonight to take in a few innings of minor league baseball on Politically Incorrect Night. Don't worry, don't worry; the oh-so-annoying Bill Maher is not scheduled to be in attendance to see the Lowell Spinners. Sigh of relief

Thur, July 24th @ LeLacheur Park - Politically Incorrect Night
- The stadium will have `men only' entrances to the game because men are obviously the superior creatures
- The first 250 women to attend the game will be given Lowell Spinners potholders so that they can properly cook dinner for their husbands
- There will be designated napping areas around the park available for all senior citizens to `rest their eyes' because old people get tired quickly
- Fans are encouraged to drive to the game separately and will be given complimentary gas cards in an effort to use up as much gas as possible
- Cars will be needlessly driven between innings as a tribute to gas guzzlers

Pretty cool, huh. Wasting gas, putting women in check and watching baseball, it just doesn't get any better than that! Certainly beats the heck out of Wednesday night's theme.

Wed, July 23rd @ LeLacheur Park - Politically Correct Night
- Gender neutral terms will be used, ie: `first baseperson' instead of `first baseman', `batperson' instead of `batboy'
- Non-demeaning terms will be used as well, ie: `vertically-challenged stop' instead of 'shortstop'
- Players that commit an error will not be named in an effort to make sure their feelings don't get hurt (This one would help Lugo out!)
- There will be no specific `Fan Of The Game.' Everyone that attends will be recognized as a `fan of the game'
- Fans will be encouraged to `Go Green' by recycling while at the park, and carpooling or using public transportation to get to the game

We're curious as to how they referred to the term stealing home.

Links:
[SoxAddict.org]: The Lowell Spinners go PC and Non-PC
[LowellSpinners.com]: Spinners Get Politically Correct, Incorrect This Week

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Posted on Thu Jan 10, 2008 at 01:23:30 PM EST in MLB
More on: minor league baseball, Famous Chicken, money, funny (all tags)

Minor league baseball is always trying to pack the stands with some sort of gimmick or promotion. It seems like the ideas just keep getting wackier and wackier with every passing season. Of course, if all the front office knuckleheads would just stick to the basics then attendance wouldn't be a problem. You don't need to give away bobble heads of players or put together expensive postgame firework shows. Nope, just sign up the Famous Chicken to make an appearance and watch the dolla, dolla bills come rolling in.

Its appearance at minor league games, on average, increased attendance by 26 percent.

That's pretty good when you consider, as the firm [Plan B Branding] reveals, that the Chicken's appearance only cost teams 22 cents per fan. It's also pretty good when you consider that the Chicken is more than 30 years old.

My favorite business story with the Chicken involves the day long ago that the man inside the costume, Ted Giannoulas, negotiated an attendance deal with the Padres. The rule worked that he'd get a piece of every ticket above a certain number of expected fans for the night.

The Chicken brought some 30,000 more fans to the game and Giannoulas came home with a $40,000 payday. As the story goes, he spent all that money defending himself in a lawsuit against KGB radio, the station that in March 1974, first put him in a chicken suit as part of a promotional gimmick.

And if you can't get the Famous Chicken to pay your park a visit then we'd like to suggest this lady as option number two.

Links:
[CNBC.com]: The Ex-San Diego Padre Chicken Still Rules!!

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Posted on Wed Jun 06, 2007 at 06:00:27 PM EST in Other Sports
More on: London Olympics, Minor League Baseball, soccer, promotions, Michael Vick, Odds and Ends (all tags)

OK folks, as much as we like ragging on the 2012 Olympics logo that looks like it was put together by a preschooler, we have to call bullshit on all the stories floating around that the logo itself is so ugly that it's triggering epileptic fits. In actually, it was a bit of animation that went with the launch event. The animation was described as "a diver diving into a pool which had multi-colour ripple effects."

The animation has since been taken down. Too bad it was probably as hideous as the Olympics logo and no one bothered to take a screen grab of it.

In other news...

[Denver Post]: Meet the "Long Beach Armada of Los Angeles of California of the United States of North America including Barrow, Alaska."

[The Offside]: Come for the Blood Donation, Stay for the FREE BEER

[TrojanWire]: It's official (sorta): The Oregon Ducks have the worst uniforms ever

[DeathRattleSports]: Billy Donovan is the new Doug Christie

[Washington Post]: Sheriff says Vick involved in dogfighting

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Posted on Mon May 14, 2007 at 03:50:30 PM EST in NFL
More on: Brett Favre, Packers, Reds, minor league baseball, chicks, Tom Brady (all tags)

You ever get the feeling that inside Brett Favre's head is exactly like that scene in Being John Malkovich and it's "Favre Favre Favre Favre Favre" all the time? The guy with the biggest ego in all of sports (remember, last year, he called a press conference to tell everyone that he didn't call a press conference to tell everyone he wasn't sure whether he would retire...) demanded a trade after the draft but now claims he didn't demand and a trade and never wanted to be traded. He was just frustrated. And now everyone has to worry about whether Favre will be happy on his shitty 8-8 team.

Of course, the only reason why this drama queen gets so much leeway is because he plays in Green Bay where they boo presidential candidates because he dares say that Peyton Manning might be the greatest QB in NFL history. Bunch of idiots.

In other news...

[Myspace]: Ken Griffey Jr. shares his jock with a Dodgers fan

[Kahlee's blog]: Hmmm.... a naked female rugby scrum sounds better than it actually is.

[ESPN]: St. Bonaventure baseball coach pulls a Barry Switzer

[Our Book of Scrap]: Another crazy minor league baseball promotion: the world's tallest baseball player in history

[Fox Sports]: Georgia's women's golf coach quits after telling too many "that's what she said" jokes.

[HoustonTexans.com]: Amanda is your last Houston Texans cheerleader.

And finally, the Inside Track girls are spreading the rumor that Tom Brady will marry Gisele in Rome. Which brings us to case of the blind people over at the Big Lead. TBL is one of our favorite blogs but they actually think Kim "sex tape" Kardashian is hotter than Giselle Bundchen. Gisele is a supermodel with legs up to here... and Kim is a little tramp with a sex tape. How is this even a contest?

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Posted on Thu Aug 17, 2006 at 11:37:52 AM EST in MLB
More on: minor league baseball, marketing (all tags)

The Mahoning Valley Scrappers have a promotion this Sunday with a "Harriest Back Competition" sponsored by a laser hair removal company. The Scrappers don't provide much detail on their promotions site so we don't really know how the winner would be judged. Do they spray something on the backs of these men and see who has the most absorbancy? Will it be on the jumbotron? Will any women enter? What about ass hair? Is that considered the back? Finally, when will the "Maurice Clarett Vodka and Firearms" night take place?

Links:
[MiLB.com]: Top 10 upcoming promotions

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Posted on Fri Aug 04, 2006 at 02:35:51 PM EST in MLB
More on: minor league baseball, marketing (all tags)

Ahhh those crazy minor league baseball teams and their attempts to get people to their ballparks. Tonight, the Newark Bears are hosting Britney Spears Baby Safety Night where information about baby safety will be handed out as fans dressed as babies, bringing baby toys or an actual baby will get in for free. In the spirit of Britney's white trash hitting it big story, lottery tickets will be given out to the first 2000 fans.

No word on when 'How-not-to-be-a-disgusting-ho-with- herpes-by-the-time-you're-15 Jamie Lynn Spears Night' is.

In other news...

[ESPN]:NFL debuts ref's ugly new uniforms

[MSNBC]: Dateline's Stone Phillips investigates how Terrell Owens could be the silent killer of your children!

[Pittsburgh Post Gazette]: Big Ben's comeback is right on track

[NY Post]: Bill Laimbeer says he could have done a better job than Larry Brown

[NBC4]: San Jose football player arrested for robbing people via craigslist

[The Oregonian]: Akili Smith is waiting for a call

[Phillyville]: Could the Phils end up with the NL Wild Card?

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Posted on Fri Jul 07, 2006 at 11:21:26 AM EST in MLB
More on: tennis, minor league baseball (all tags)

In 1985: 17-year-old Boris Becker of Germany became the youngest player to ever win the men’s singles title at Wimbledon. He defeated Kevin Curran of the United States in four sets. Not only was Becker the youngest, he was the first German and the first unseeded player to win the tournament in its 108-year history.

In 2000: We here on Sportscolumn blog have always been suckers for those goofy minor league baseball promotions, and perhaps one of the best ever occurred on this date in 2000. It always seems the lower class of affiliation, the better the promotion. The Class A Butte Copper Kings, an Anaheim Angels farm club of the Pioneer League, did not let us down that year by hosting “John Rocker Awareness Night.” This meant that any of the people that Rocker insulted in his infamous Sports Illustrated interview would gain free admission to the game. The Copper Kings set a record for attendance that evening with 672 (hey, it’s only Class A); as people with purple hair, “alternative lifestyles,” single moms and foreigners attended for free.

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Posted on Fri Jun 30, 2006 at 01:05:59 PM EST in MLB
More on: Padres, minor league baseball, marketing (all tags)

Hey folks, it's Tom Cruise night at The Diamond in Lake Elsinore! That means bring your ridiculously hot brainwashed girlfriend and leave your boyfriend at home! (zing!)

The Lake Elsinore Storm (class A affiliate of the Padres) are giving away bobble-couches to the first 1,500 fans. In addition there will be a couch jumping contest and a "silent inning" to commemorate ridicule the recent silent birth of TomKat's daughter. God bless those minor league teams and their promotions. Remember the Minnesota team that gave out the Vikings Love Boat collectible?

Links:
[SignOnSanDiego]: Couch potato, get out there tonight

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