Fantasy Football

Odds and Ends: So, you think your fantasy team name is creative, huh?

“Itchy Pujols”: now that’s creative!

There’s no avoiding it any longer, fantasy sports are American males’, and some females’, primary obsession in life. You might say that you love your spouse and your kids, but we know where the true emotion lies. Remember when you blew off going to church so you could fine-tune your lineup before the early kickoffs? Or what about the time you skipped your kid’s recital in order to watch a Monday Night Football blowout because Jason Elam was your kicker and you trailed by seven points? Of course, the biggie was when you forgot about your anniversary while pondering over the name of your team. Well, thanks to, you can avoid the last disaster by simply stealing someone else’s creative moniker. Here’s a list of the current top ten fantasy team names.

10.Cleavage Rocks

9.Suck My Ditka
8.Bartolo Colonoscopy
6.Vanek at the Disco
5.Human Growth Whore Moans
4.Travis Henry is My Dad
3.My Vick In A Box
2.Itchy Pujols
1.Byrnes When I Peavy

In other news…

[]: Willie Buns explains his run-in with sex kitten/geezer skeezer Kendra

[]: Forget about Kimbo for a second. Rampage vs. Griffin is right around the corner!

[]: One day closer to the field for Terrelle Pryor

[]: What?! Becky Hammon is a filthy traitor!? Wait, who’s Becky Hammon?

[]: Top 10 NBA ballers that you’d probably consider punching in the face

[Bleacher Report]: Notre Dame hates Urban Meyer

[MMA Stomping Grounds]: Dana White still has a big [expletive deleted] announcement to make, just you [expletive deleted] wait and see

[]: Wrestling’s greatest feuds – Taz vs. Sabu

[Tirico Suave]: Tiger Woods, you do not impress Harvey Bars

[]: Wii Fit, it’s not just for chicks anymore

And finally, from Awful Announcing, more Deep Thoughts with our boy Jeff Van Gundy.

JVG Deep Thoughts
by bsap11
NBA General

Jeff Van Gundy is gold in the booth! Gold!

We never thought we’d say this, but we love Jeff Van Gundy! We can’t get enough of the guy and he is quickly climbing our list of former annoyances turned into priceless gold. In fact, if he keeps this up, he’ll soon be joining Jim Rome and Bill Walton right at the top. After all, who else can slaughter Nick Lachey’s name, admit to a monster crush on Alyssa Milano and then start cracking bald jokes all in the span of a quarter?

JVG Final
by bsap11

Yup, you’re bald and we’re loving it.


[Awful Announcing]: Van Gundy Has Lost His Mind, Talks Alyssa Milano And Haircuts During Game Three

NBA General

For a guy who looks like a basset hound, Jeff Van Gundy is a pretty funny dude

Those ESPN commercials with the assorted NBAers riding around in the Winnebago are quickly becoming our favorite ads on television. Sure, they get played a million times a day, but Jeff Van Gundy has some of the best comedic timing we’ve ever witnessed on the small screen. Check out the latest ad when JVG starts comparing Chauncey Billups to `a strong, contact-drawing tortoise that can get to the free throw line’.

What? You mean that wasn’t a commercial? Okay, that makes sense. We were wondering where Kevin Garnett and the RV were. Oh well; “Wha was? What was Bugs Bunny’s?” and “Yeah, but you can’t spoof…that fable” are still gold in our opinion.


[Awful Announcing]: Player Comparisons Are Fun

NBA General

Around the Rim: Quick turnaround doesn’t hurt the Spurs in Game 1

The Spurs were slam Duncan the Jazz
in Game 1.

1. Spurs continue to dominate Jazz in SA
The Utah Jazz took a beating in the second quarter of Game 1 against the Spurs in the Western Conference finals on Sunday and Jerry Sloan’s boys were never able to recover as San Antonio went on to take the opening game 108-100. Game 1 marked the first time that Utah had made it to the conference finals since 1998, and it showed as the club had the bewildered look of a team in unfamiliar surroundings (all except Derek Fisher, of course). San Antonio, on the other hand, appeared to have the routine down as they calmly executed their offense through Tim Duncan who finished with at least 20 points and 10 rebounds (27 pts, 10reb) for the tenth straight playoff game; that’s just two shy of Shaq’s all-time record. This is the fifth time in nine seasons that the Spurs have made it to the finals out west (1999, 2001, 2003, 2005 and 2007) and they are hoping that their fifth appearance will help to eventually yield their fourth ring. The Jazz have now lost 17 straight games in San Antonio in a streak of futility that lasts back to 1999.

2. T-Mac needs a new coach to hold him down

We all basically knew that the droopy-eyed Jeff Van Gundy had probably coached his final game on the Houston Rockets bench and on Friday the club fired him. Now, with four seasons under his belt, Eddie Jordan from the Washington Wizards is the longest tenured coach in the NBA except for the two guys in suits on the sidelines of the West finals. It’s funny that Van Gundy would get fired considering that Tracy McGrady said that if the Rockets lost their first round series to the Jazz it would all be on him. Guess the fellas in the front office weren’t quite ready to fire T-Mac. Wonder why? Anyways, don’t feel bad for JVG; like a cat, he landed on his feet after the Rockets tossed him out. In fact, Van Gundy spent his first day off from coaching by calling the Spurs/Jazz Game 1 on Saturday for ABC.

3. Brotherly love
The NBA is all about symmetry. So, if one Van Gundy brother gets fired then the other one is probably about to get hired. It’s like cowbell; the NBA needs more Van Gundy. Stan Van Gundy appears to be the leading contender for the head coaching vacancy in Indiana where Rick Carlisle was given the boot after the Pacers failed to reach the playoffs. But Stan has options; after spending Friday in Indy with the Pacers, he will be out in Sacramento today for an interview with the Kings. Looks like Ron Jeremy Stan Van Gundy will be back on the sidelines by next season, and he should be after the job he did in Miami. Hell, if it wasn’t for Pat Riley’s enormous ego, SVG just might have been the first Van Gundy brother to grab a ring.

Sunday’s Player of the Day: Deron Williams @ San Antonio 42 min, 34 pts (FG: 13-23, 3FG: 2-5, FT: 6-7), 7 reb, 9 ast, 1 stl

Buzzer Beater: Tonight starts the fifth straight conference finals for the Detroit Pistons as they graciously welcome LeBron James and his Cleveland Cavalier companions over to the Palace for Game 1. And don’t think for a second that either of these teams has forgotten exactly what happened during their series in last year’s playoffs. The Cavs had Detroit on the brink of elimination after winning three straight games to go up 3-2 but, unfortunately for Cleveland they were playing an experienced, veteran club who wasn’t willing to just go away. The Pistons would go on to win the final two games and shockingly eliminate LeBron from the postseason. Both teams have improved significantly last year, so while the series might be tweaked from a year ago, you can still expect to see a pair of clubs not giving an inch in this conference championship. Don’t sleep on the East; this should be another down to the wire series with these two growing rivals.

NBA General

Around the Rim: The Warriors sure could use a beer about now

1. The Jazz step up at home
Derek Fisher took one shot during Game 2 of the Utah/Golden State series but it was a biggie as his 3-pointer during overtime gave the Jazz a 123-117 lead that would eventually grow to the final score of 127-117. Fisher was welcomed to the arena with a thunderous ovation late in the game after he had left his daughter’s side who was in the hospital with a rare form of cancer in order to play. While Fisher steals the glory for this victory, it was a total team effort from the Jazz that deserves the credit. Carlos Boozer (30 points, 13 rebounds), Mehmet Okur (23 points, 18 rebounds), and Deron Williams (17 points, 14 assists) all finished the game with double-doubles while Andrei Kirilenko (20 points, nine rebounds, five assists, six blocks) finally is starting to play like we all knew he could. See what happens when you dry those tears, baby boy. The Warriors had some pretty big games from their stars as well, but when you live by the 3 then a lot of times you’ll end up dying by the 3. And going 15-of-40 from behind the arc is one good way to waste key possessions that are so valuable in the postseason. But just wait until Friday night when the court is surrounded by a golden clad crowd; the Mavericks didn’t seem to adjust very well to that rowdy atmosphere.

2. Pierce says buh-bye to Beijing

Apparently the Boston Celtics don’t have a solid grasp of exactly how the NBA lottery system works because it looks like Paul Pierce will not be participating in the upcoming Olympics due to his injuries. We know that Danny Ainge is desperate to get that hopper loaded full of green and white ping pong balls but someone should tell him that international competition doesn’t count. You know how na├»ve good ol’ Danny boy can be when it comes to things like this. Remember that time that he just “accidentally” ended up sitting next to Kevin Durant‘s mom during the Big 12 Tournament? Talk about a desperate franchise; after the season they just had, there’s no way that Ainge is going to let his lone All-Star anywhere near harm’s way, even if it is in the name of the U.S.A. And if those ping pong balls bounce Boston’s way then the Celtics could be sporting a pair of superstars when the season starts anew in the fall.

3. T-Mac’s got your back
Jeff Van Gundy might not be sure if he’s going to return for another season as head coach of the Houston Rockets but it sounds like his players definitely want him back. Well, Yao Ming and Tracy McGrady both want him back and in Houston those are just about the only opinions that really matter. “As far as I’m concerned, he’s still our coach. Absolutely,” McGrady said. “I’ve said in the past (that) he’s the best coach I’ve played for.” No knock on Van Gundy, but it’s pretty easy to be the best coach in T-Mac’s career; after all, have you seen some of the teams that he’s played on? There’s a reason that McGrady has never made it past the first round of the postseason and it’s not his 28.8 career playoff point per game average.

Wednesday’s Player of the Day: Mehmet Okur vs. Utah 43 min, 23 pts (FG: 9-15, 3FG: 2-3, FT: 3-7), 18 reb, 1 ast, 1 stl, 1 blk

Buzzer Beater: Reports on Wednesday said that Jermaine O’Neal isn’t demanding a trade from the Pacers and that Miami is not looking to deal away Shaquille O’Neal. So, if the O’Neal boys are already off the market, then who is gonna be involved in the summer blockbuster trade? We’d like to say Kevin Garnett but there have been so many conflicting stories coming out of Minnesota, we don’t know what the hell Kevin McHale is thinking anymore. But we’re not going to be surprised by anything that happens involving the Timberwolves, because if McHale can be named the best GM in sports then nothing is impossible in Minny. Except getting KG a supporting cast of course.