Odds and Ends: This whole Alex Rodriguez sex scandal could have easily been avoided

Posted on Wed Jul 23, 2008 at 12:54:00 PM EST in MLB
More on: sex, cheating, Kerry Collins, Peter King, WWF, TV, NFL, tennis, MMA, Brett Favre, Kevin Durant, UCLA, Allison Stokke, Greg Oden, video, Odds and Ends (all tags)

Athletes and infidelity go together like peanut butter and jelly or like athletes and hookers. They're simply made for each other, but that doesn't mean that the cheating has to become public. According to BlackSportsOnline.com, an athlete doesn't have to keep it in their pants in order to keep their name out of the paper. Simply following this list of The 10 Bona Fide Commandments For The Cheating Athlete should be more than enough.

I- IF THOU SHALL WIFE HER, THOU BETTER MAKE SURE SHE DOESN'T CARE IF YOU CHEAT.

II- THOU SHALL ALWAYS HAVE A PRENUP.

III- THOU SHALL NOT CARE IF WIFEY CHEATS ON YOU.

IV- THOU SHALL ALWAYS REMEMBER IT IS CHEAPER TO KEEP HER.

V- THOU SHALL NEVER SLEEP WITH ANYONE IN COLORADO NOR ANYONE NAMED KATIE WITH A JOURNALISM DEGREE, EVEN FROM A COMMUNITY COLLEGE.

VI- THOU SHALL NEVER CHEAT WITH AN OBSESSED FAN.

VII- THOU SHALL REMEMBER CONDOMS COST $8 A BOX AS OPPOSED TO 25% OF YOUR GROSS INCOME GOING TO CHILD SUPPORT.

VIII- THOU SHALL REMEMBER THEY ARE STRIPPERS AND PROSTITUTES FOR A REASON.

IX- THOU SHALL NOT CHEAT WITH CELEBRITIES.

X- THOU SHALL TREAT BOTH YOUR "SIDE-PIECE" & YOUR WIFE LIKE A QUEEN.

Learn it. Memorize it. Live by it.

In other news...

[Tirico Suave]: Kerry Collins stars in "God Dammit"

[Kissing Suzy Kolber]: Peter King stars in "Peter King Needs A Latte"

[Heavy.com]: Top 10 old school WWF wrestlers

[Gossip Girls]: Kim Kardashian might be on Dancing With the Stars. Schwing

[Deuce of Davenport]: Crazy-ass NFL merchandise, including the "creepiest sleeping bag ever"

[All Balls]: Just follow the bouncing boobs. Oh, god, we mean breasts. Uh, err, no, balls; wait, ball. Yea, that's it; just follow the bouncing boobs. Dammit

[Rear Naked News]: Michael Bisping might have a death wish

[NE Patriots Draft]: More of Brett Favre this...

[StarTribune.com]: And more of Brett Favre that

[The Associated Press]: Congratulations on becoming the drunkest guy ever, Mr. 0.491 Percent Blood Alcohol Level

[The City of Champions]: The ol `Take off your shirt so we can get a picture of you and Photoshop it onto the cover of a gay porn rag' trick gets `em every time

[The Redshirt Senior]: College pigskin's top 10 lids

[Storming the Floor]: Texas set to retire Kevin Durant's jersey. Sure, it was one heckuva season, but, damn!

[LAist.com]: UCLA is soooo totally ass-some

[Banned In Hollywood]: What? Allison's back?? Quick, how's our hair?

[FunnyOrDie.com]: Handsome + Me + Funny = Host

[SlashFilm.com]: Can you believe The Big Lebowski is already 10 years old?! Our baby's growing up so quickly

And finally, when "Haha, now you're dead!" is the absolute best you can do, these are the guys to call on.

Permalink | Post A Comment | Read Comments

It's the Late Show with Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen

Posted on Thu Jun 19, 2008 at 11:56:37 AM EST in NBA
More on: NBA, Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen, David Letterman, tv, Celtics (all tags)

When a professional football player reaches the pinnacle of their sport, they usually go to Disney World or Disneyland. But when NBA ballers finally get their giant hands on the Larry O'Brien trophy they have their own special place they like to visit. Uncle Dave's house.

The Celts' victory lap started last night as Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen yukked it up with David Letterman. The dynamic duo told Dave that appearing on "The Late Show" is one of the sweeter spoils of winning an NBA title.

Letterman greeted his guests by saying, "Congratulations to both you guys and thank you very much for being here. I know, I mean, it's crazy that you were in the big celebration and it's still continuing now, isn't it? And you're probably saying to yourselves right now, 'Why are we here?'"

Allen and Garnett said it was an honor to be on the show. "This'll solidify when you've won something, you've got to do Letterman," said Garnett.

Added Allen: "I think in the 80s when you won a championship, you said, 'We're going to Disneyland... In the year 2000, we say, 'We're going to David Letterman."

See, we told ya so.

Oh, and Ray, it's currently the year 2008.

Links:
[Boston.com]: `Late Show' with the Celtics
[Celtics Blog]: Allen, KG chat with Letterman

Permalink | Post A Comment | Read Comments

Nikki Ziering to star in Celebrity Championship Wrestling

Posted on Thu Jun 05, 2008 at 10:50:24 AM EST in Other Sports
More on: pro wrestling, TV, Celebrity Championship Wrestling, CMT, reality show (all tags)

Mmmmmm, Nikki Ziering

Talk about a small, small world. On the same day we reminisce about Celebrity Boxing, we get smacked in the face with Celebrity Championship Wrestling. Oh, it's true. It's damn true. But like any show that features "celebrities," the term is used extremely loosely. Don't be expecting to see Brad Pitt or Jennifer Lopez or George Clooney donning spandex for the reality show, but Nikki Ziering is participating, meaning every male in America will be tuning in.

The new series will feature 10 celebrity contestants, male and female, in tag teams, performing moves like the Pile Driver, the Running Power Slam, Dragon Sleeper and the Triple Power Bomb as they compete against one another in for the CCW title! Two former pro wrestlers will train the contestants, with Hulk, former World Championship Wrestling president Eric Bischoff, and a surprise celebrity guest serving as judges.

Contestants include Dustin Diamond (Screech from Saved by the Bell), Tiffany, Todd Bridges (Different Strokes), Trishelle (Real World), Butterbean (boxer/ Jackass 2), Nikki Ziering (Playboy), Frank Stallone (musician), Erin Murphy (Tabitha from Bewitched), and two surprise contestants!

The show will run on CMT starting this summer and we are literally counting the minutes to the first three-way (in or out of the ring) involving Trishelle, Ziering and Kim Kardashian, who is our dream vote for mystery guest No. 1.

Links:
[OCATV.com]: Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling
[The Big Lead]: Hulk Hogan to Teach Screech Powers How to Wrestle - Son Still a Bad Person

Permalink | Post A Comment | Read Comments

Pretending to be drunk in order to get drunk, brilliant!

Posted on Wed May 14, 2008 at 11:31:34 AM EST in Other Sports
More on: commercial, funny, tv, video (all tags)

Listen up all you guys with wives and girlfriends. With new episodes of American Idol and The Real World running tonight, you're going to have to be pretty clever to pry the remote control out of your ol' lady's hands. Let's face it, you know you want to watch the pair of Game 5's in the NBA tonight and you know you want to watch them on the big screen. So, if you need a blueprint for how to get the tube to yourself then just watch this.

Permalink | Post A Comment | Read Comments

Get a vasectomy in order to watch March Madness? The ball's in your court

Posted on Mon Mar 10, 2008 at 10:14:46 AM EST in College
More on: vasectomy, March Madness, college basketball, TV, ad, funny (all tags)

If you ask us, there is no good time to have vasectomy. However, the Oregon Urology Institute might be on to something with its latest ad campaign. After all, the only thing worse than getting snipped is getting snipped and having to flip back-and-forth between reruns of Family Matters and Dear John all day long.

When March Madness approaches you need an excuse . . . to stay at home in front of the big screen," says the ad on Eugene's sports radio AM 1320, aka The Score. "Get your vasectomy at Oregon Urology Institute the day before the tournament starts.

And if you're not sold on the idea yet, just get a `load' of the other perks that come along with getting neutered.

To help sell the idea, The Score promised to send each fixed fan a "recovery kit" that includes sports magazines, free pizza delivery and a bag of frozen peas.

"The frozen peas are malleable enough that you can get them right in there and get the swelling down," [institute administrator Terry] FitzPatrick said.

Links:
[OregonLive.com]: Springfield urologists offer new excuse to view March Madness

Permalink | Post A Comment | Read Comments

This stunt is more pathetic than George Costanza pretending to be handicapped

Posted on Thu Jan 17, 2008 at 09:00:47 AM EST in NFL
More on: Green Bay, TV, Seinfeld, Eli Manning (all tags)

In yet another example of Green Bay fans taking their passion for the Packers just a wee bit over the top, Fox affiliate WLUK has pulled the regularly scheduled airing of Seinfeld on Saturday afternoon in an attempt to - get this - disrupt Eli Manning's pregame preparation. In case you've been living under a rock for the past week, the Giants and the Packers will battle it out in some c-c-c-cold conditions at Lambeau on Sunday.

On a video on the station's Web site, [general manager of WLUK Jay] Zollar points at the camera and says, "Eli, no 'Seinfeld' for you!"

"We don't want to give any comfort to the enemy whatsoever when they come into town," Zollar says. "We know laughter is good medicine, and we decided we're not going to give that to him."

We hate to burst your little bubble Zollar, but Eli is a 27-year-old walking ATM and if he's such a huge Seinfeldian then he's probably got the entire box set on DVD. We seriously doubt that he's frantically searching the TV Guide for another 5:30 p.m. Saturday showing of "The Marine Biologist" because some podunk station decided to yank it for no good reason. But we're sure the locals are loving that instead of watching the greatest comedy sitcom to ever light up a television screen, they could end up sitting through an infomercial for "The Good Feet Store" starring former Cowboys back Emmitt Smith. No, seriously. They might have to watch that crap.

The station is conducting an online vote to choose a replacement program.

As of Wednesday, a special about former Packers coach Vince Lombardi totaled 65.7 percent of the vote, followed by a rerun of a local show with Packers receiver Donald Driver (18.8), an infomercial for "The Good Feet Store" starring former Cowboys back Emmitt Smith (8.8) and a M*A*S*H rerun (6.7).

Links:
[NewsDay.com]: Green Bay TV station pulling `Seinfeld', Eli's favorite

Permalink | Post A Comment | Read Comments (1 comment)

Job swap day is the most awkward day of the year

Posted on Tue Nov 27, 2007 at 06:59:30 AM EST in Other Sports
More on: Hawaii, Warriors, Vili the Warrior, mascot, TV, video, funny (all tags)

Let's see; how do we put this? Not everyone has the necessary heart and desire to be Vili the Warrior; especially Stephanie Lum. Likewise, not everyone should be informing the public on the day's newsworthy events; especially Vili the Warrior.

Links:
[The Wizard of Odds]: There's Only One Vili the Warrior

Permalink | Post A Comment | Read Comments

Forget Floyd Mayweather, we want more Karina Smirnoff

Posted on Wed Oct 17, 2007 at 08:07:42 AM EST in Other Sports
More on: Floyd Mayweather, Dancing With the Stars, video, TV (all tags)

Floyd Mayweather got kicked off the Dancing With the Stars island last night. Yea, we can't believe it either. We just lost $50 bucks after we took him at 5-1.

We're sure that Floyd isn't sweating getting kicked off a lame, yet wildly popular, dancing show, but he's got to be ticked off that he went home before a buffoonish, yet wildly rich, Mark Cuban.

Permalink | Post A Comment | Read Comments

Hulk Hogan kinda takes a step up from reality TV, but not really

Posted on Thu Oct 04, 2007 at 01:54:27 PM EST in Other Sports
More on: TV, American Gladiators, Hulk Hogan, video, funny (all tags)

Listen up, brothers! American Gladiators is back and badder than ever because Hulk Hogan is going to be hosting the new version of the old classic. Look for all the Eliminators, Human Cannonballs and Atlaspheres you can handle to hit the tube around midseason on NBC.

Hulk Hogan is an American icon," Craig Plestis, an NBC vice president, said in a news release. "For over 20 years he has been a symbol of strength and toughness in all facets of entertainment. His electrifying personality will no doubt inspire Herculean efforts from our everyday challengers. There is no one more qualified to host this program.

We don't know about how qualified the Hulkster is; after all, you do remember his appearance on the Teen Choice Awards don't ya:

Be careful Zap, Thunder, Siren, Jazz, Bang, Boom or whoever else joins the AG crew, that could be you if you're not careful. And then "Whatcha gonna do?!"

Links:
[BaltimoreSun.com]: NBC picks Hogan to pump up new version of `American Gladiators'

Permalink | Post A Comment | Read Comments

Local TV station screws up the Kevin Everett story. Big time.

Posted on Fri Sep 28, 2007 at 01:47:27 PM EST in Other Sports
More on: Kevin Everett, TV, video, screw up (all tags)

Listen, we know that people make mistakes. We're no different, we've had our share of blunders, but this just isn't right.

"That is not the right video." Geez, you think. Was it the courtroom that gave it away?

And in case you were wondering, the Kevin Everett imposter is an interesting fellow to say the least.

Links:
[Awful Announcing]: Kevin Everett Can Move His Legs And Is Kicking Cops

Permalink | Post A Comment | Read Comments