Odds and Ends: OneNewsNow.com hops into the trading card game

Posted on Tue Jul 01, 2008 at 01:00:44 PM EST in MLB
More on: cards, Glenn Dorsey, Wes Welker, Jim Rome, UFC, Baywatch, MLB, golf, strange, Jay Bilas, Dwyane Wade, Stephon Marbury, video, Odds and Ends (all tags)

Trade you a Jack Glasscock for your
Cunnilingus

After OneNewsNow.com's embarrassing/hilarious mix-up involving sprinter Tyson Homosexual Gay, it was announced that the Christian news website will begin creating sports trading cards. Basically, they're going to be similar to Garbage Pail Kids, but without the Scratch `n Stink cards. Luckily, TiricoSuave.com was able to get their hands on some of the high-demand cards before they hit the streets. If you thought Potty Scotty and Jason Basin or Adam Bomb and Blasted Billy were hilarious then you'll love these duos.

Chubby Cox - Girthy Members

Dick Trickle - Phallic Secretion

Albert Pujols - Albert Sodomy Zone

Rusty Kuntz - Unkempt Vaginas

We are absolutely dying to see what they come up with for Lucious Pusey and Craphonso Thorpe.

In other news...

[Arrowhead Addict]: He's just a rookie, but Glenn Dorsey already has one of the best nicknames in the NFL

[Huggin Harold Reynolds]: "Wes Welker, tell me how my ass tastes"

[FoxNews.com]: "Barack Obama, tell me how my ass tastes"

[TheMMAPost.com]: So, where you watchin' the big fight on Saturday night?

[The World of Isaac]: How's your favorite Baywatch babe holding up after 10 years?

[Bugs & Cranks]: MLB's early season heroes

[The Sporting Blog]: Weedwhacker meets golf club

[The Love of Sports]: Baseball's 50 strangest moments

[Awful Announcing]: Length? Stretch? Elongated? Extend? Considerable linear extent in space? What the hell was Jay Bilas talking about?

[Deuce of Davenport]: Dwyane Wade and the hardwood. We'll leave it at that.

And finally, it's the one-year anniversary of this.

Permalink | Post A Comment | Read Comments

Around the Rim: San Antoni-oh no!

Posted on Mon Dec 03, 2007 at 01:43:04 AM EST in NBA
More on: Spurs, Tim Duncan, Celtics, Cavaliers, Hornets, Chris Paul, Mavericks, Chris Kaman, Warriors, Magic, Stephon Marbury, Knicks, Around the Rim, NBA (all tags)

1. San Antonio plays the waiting game
The Spurs grabbed their 15th victory of the season, but the win was meaningless as the organization waits patiently for the results of an MRI on Tim Duncan's right leg on Monday. Duncan was injured in the second quarter when he tried to spin around Portland's James Jones and then suddenly fell to the floor, clutching his knee. The immediate diagnosis was a bruised right knee and sprained right ankle and the Spurs said their star would defiantly miss some time. The injury couldn't have occurred at a worse time as the Spurs are looking a stretch that includes six games in 13 days against some of the West's best, including Dallas, Utah, Golden State, the Lakers, Denver and Phoenix. Ouch!

As for the game itself, SA was winning 34-28 when Duncan departed, but Portland was unable to capitalize, falling down by 13 points at halftime and 20 after three quarters. Tony Parker finished with 27 points and eight assists to lead the Spurs.

2. Boston exacts revenge, kinda
Last Tuesday, LeBron James torched the Celtics for 38 points while handing out 13 assists to give Boston its second loss of the season in an overtime instant classic. On Sunday, the two teams met for a rematch and the Celtics rolled the defending Eastern Conference champs, 80-70. Oh, did we mention LBJ missed the game, his second consecutive, with an injured finger? Cleveland hung tough with the Celtics in the first half, trailing by four at the break, but they displayed serious offensive ineptitude down the stretch without the league's top scorer. The Cavs could only muster 11 points in the third before scoring 20 in the fourth, 12 coming in garbage time when the game was well in hand. With the King out of the lineup, two of the Leprechauns `Big Three' basically got to take the afternoon off. Kevin Garnett finished with nine points and eight rebounds in 26 minutes while Paul Pierce had seven points. Ray Allen finished with a game-high 20 points to lead the unusually, unexplosive Celtics.

3. 21 and done
November 1999: That was the last time that New Orleans defeated Dallas; until Saturday. It took overtime, a last-second trey from Peja Stojakovic in regulation and another big-time performance from Chris Paul, but the result was well worth the effort as the Hornets snapped a 21-game losing streak to the Mavs. Thanks to Paul's near triple-double (33 pts, 9 reb, 12 ast), NOLA is now sitting in second place in the Southwest Division - ahead of Dallas and Houston. But don't be fooled into thinking this is a one-man show: Stojakovic is killing opponents from behind the arc while David West and Tyson Chandler are providing some seriously underrated post presence. Oh, and the Spurs are the only team in the West that holds opponents to fewer than Nawlins' 93.3 points per game. Next up for the Hornets is a game against the Pistons in the `Hive,' followed by contests at home against Memphis and Seattle.

Sunday's Player of the Day: Chris Kaman vs. Indiana 40 min, 22 pts (FG: 7-14, FT: 8-10), 22 reb, 1 ast, 5 blk

Monday's Game to Watch: Orlando (15-4) @ Golden State (9-7)
Nobody in the NBA is hotter than the Magic or the Warriors after both picked up victories last night over the Lakers and Sonics, respectively. There were some early season questions surrounding the slow-starting Warriors, but everything fell into place when Stephen Jackson returned from his suspension and Golden State is back to their run-and-run-and-run-and-gun style offense, averaging 108.6 points per game (1st). Of course, those points at the rim won't be easy to come by with Dwight Howard patrolling the paint. Howard is off to a `Defensive Player of the Year' start to the season, leading the league in rebounds (15.0 rpg) and ranking third in blocks (2.67 bpg).

Buzzer Beater: Stephon Marbury is known for making outlandish statements, so it was no surprise that he was at it again before the Knicks played the Suns on Sunday.

After all the hoopla, we've won three of the last four," Marbury said. "Normally when that happens, you're getting praised.

"At the end of the season, we'll be where we want to be.

Wait, do you guys want to be in the lottery because 5-11 teams that get decimated by 45 points don't usually make the playoffs. We're just saying.

Permalink | Post A Comment | Read Comments

Stephon Marbury starts flopping like a fish outta water

Posted on Fri Aug 24, 2007 at 09:47:39 AM EST in NBA
More on: Stephon Marbury, Michael Vick, stupid, dogfighting (all tags)

Apparently Stephon Marbury is somewhat tapped into reality because after having a few days to soak up all of America's outrage and hate towards him, he's rethought his comments about Michael Vick's situation and is currently in damage control mode.

What Michael Vick did was wrong, and he has admitted his guilt," Marbury said in a statement released by the Knicks to New York newspapers. "He should be punished. However, he should be given a second chance, as others have received for more serious crimes.

And as far as his statements about how "we don't say anything about people who shoot deer or shoot other animals," well, he's backing away from that bomb as well.

There is no list for which animals should be killed and which shouldn't. I love animals and none of them should be harmed However, we don't react the same when other animals are being killed for sport or the sake of human pleasure.

We've said it before and we're certain that we'll be saying it again, but everyone is getting pretty damn sick of athletes (and coaches, that means you Billy Donovan) like Marbury, Kobe Bryant and Clinton Portis making outlandish statements and then expecting that the world is completely gullible when they recant and brush some dirt over their mess. It's not that hard guys, first you think about the matter at hand, you form an opinion and THEN you speak with the media and intelligently defend your point of view.

Look, if Marbury truly believes that dogfighting is a sport (as outlandish and ridiculous as that concept is) then he should probably just keep it to himself. But he told the world and that's fine because, after all, we are allowed to think whatever we want in this country. Just don't expect everyone to forget about your "shoot from the hip" comments because your publicist constructed a phony apology and gave you a sound byte for the media.

Links:
[MSN.FoxSports.com]: Report: Marbury backs off Vick comments

Permalink | Post A Comment | Read Comments (2 comments)

Stephon Marbury just can't shut up

Posted on Wed Aug 22, 2007 at 10:40:11 AM EST in NBA
More on: Stephon Marbury, Michael Vick, dogfighting, stupid (all tags)

So, we were sitting there watching SportsCenter as they ran a package of reactions from the sports world on the Michael Vick guilty plea when suddenly Stephon Marbury popped up on the screen. Immediately our ears perked up and we inched to the edge of our seats to make sure we were ready for the next Marbury verbal A-Bomb to be dropped. We weren't disappointed.

We don't say anything about people shooting deers and shooting other animals, you know what I mean?" Marbury said in an interview that was aired by Capital 9 News in Albany. "From what I hear, dogfighting is a sport. It's just behind closed doors and I think it's tough that we build Michael Vick up and then we break him down ... I think he fell into a bad situation.

Marbury has become a walking, talking punch line and it's getting really hard to determine if this is a gimmick or if he's actually devolved into a complete idiot. Perhaps he's been spending too much time around all the cheap glue used to slap his ugly shoes together or maybe he's been throwing away his hard earned jack to the Clinton Portis School of Public Speaking. Either way, to casually refer to dogfighting as a "sport" is really pretty sick. Then again, this is the guy who told his gun toting cousin, Sebastian Telfair, to "be careful around Kevin McHale." McHale might be a horrible GM, but nobody in Minnesota had to wear Kevlar vests before Sea Bass came to town.

Links:
[NewsDay.com]: Marbury defends Vick calling him a "good human being"

Permalink | Post A Comment | Read Comments (11 comments)

Stephon Marbury opens his yapper again

Posted on Thu Aug 02, 2007 at 10:25:02 AM EST in NBA
More on: Stephon Marbury, Kevin McHale, Sebastian Telfair, Knicks, Celtics (all tags)

Kevin Garnett getting dealt to the Boston Celtics is the biggest trade, both literally (7-for-1 deal) and figuratively, to go down in a long, long time. And most people tend to believe that the deal is a positive for everyone involved, including the Eastern Conference and NBA as a whole. Well, everyone except for Stephon Marbury of course.

Marbury recently opened his mouth and, as usual, a whole bunch of smack talk came gushing out of his pie-hole; mostly dogging Minnesota GM Kevin McHale. Apparently, Starbury has unpleasant memories of McHale and he's not too happy that his equally mentally unstable cousin, Sebastian Telfair, ended up with the Timberwolves as a result of the blockbuster trade.

When I do speak to (Sebastian) I'll wish him good luck and tell him to be careful around Kevin McHale," Marbury said.

"As far as my little cousin, I wish him all the best because he's got to deal with Kevin McHale," Marbury said. "I wouldn't want to play for Kevin McHale. When I left, all of a sudden I became a bad person from his standpoint. I became selfish and jealous of Kevin.

We really can't blame Marbury for not liking McHale; after all, he is possibly the worst GM in the history of GMs, but we don't see where he's coming from when he starts blabbering about how his Knicks have a leg up on the new look Celtics. Yeah, ok.

On paper, they're a really good team with guys who can really play, but they still have to get on the court and do it," Marbury said. "Chemistry is everything. We look good on paper, too, and we have a year under our belts.

"I'm not thinking about Boston," Marbury added. "I'm only thinking about the New York Knicks. Our new nickname is nice and nasty. That's how we're coming.

"Nice and nasty"???? Considering the rap sheets and erratic behavior of the Knicks club, we think that "drunk and high" is a much more appropriate moniker.

Links:
[NYPost.com]: Steph says don't fear KG, Celts

Permalink | Post A Comment | Read Comments (1 comment)

Stephon Marbury is planning on taking the Italian basketball world by storm

Posted on Wed Jul 18, 2007 at 11:18:34 AM EST in NBA
More on: Stephon Marbury, Knicks, Italy (all tags)

Hey, Italy, he's all yours!

If you've been keeping up with the life and times of Stephon Marbury then you know that he's been seemingly going insane of late. Maybe it's from an overexposure to cheap sneaker materials or maybe it's a crack addiction, but something is causing Starbury to say some pretty strange things. The latest head scratcher came when Marbury told the New York Post that when his contract with the Knicks expires in two years, he was going to leave the NBA and play in Italy!

I'm not just thinking of doing it, I'm going to do it," Marbury vowed yesterday. "My wife loved it there. It's like a [David] Beckham thing.

Oh, but the insanity doesn't stop there for Steph; he really went nuts when asked if he'd be able to bring a championship to NY before heading overseas.

We're on the verge right now in my mind.

In reality, we all know that the Knicks need a lot more than Zach Randolph to become a title contender, but we believe Marbury when he says they're on the verge. After all, he did qualify the statement by saying that it was "in my mind" and we all know that his mind can be an odd, odd wonderland.

Links:
[NYPost.com]: Marbury Shocker: I'll Play In Italy

Permalink | Post A Comment | Read Comments (3 comments)

Stephon Marbury makes no sense

Posted on Thu Jul 05, 2007 at 10:31:06 AM EST in NBA
More on: Stephon Marbury, Knicks (all tags)

This is a train wreck of a television interview with Stephon Marbury where he seems like he might be drunk or high.  At around the 8 minute mark, his phone rings and he says, "I'm sorry about that... that was my better ho."

Permalink | Post A Comment | Read Comments (2 comments)

Odds and Ends: Tony Parker would like you to know he's getting some

Posted on Thu May 17, 2007 at 03:52:14 PM EST in NBA
More on: Spurs, chicks, Vikings, Stephon Marbury, Knicks, Michael Vick (all tags)

We're pretty sure that this was prompted by Tony Parker getting sick of everyone asking him why he wasn't getting any -- Eva Longoria went on Ryan Seacrest's radio show (the world is indeed ending) and announced that she and Tony were still having sex and that the rumor that she was holding out for the duration of the playoffs / until they were married is false.

Well, that makes us sleep better at night.

In other news...

[Star Tribune]: Woman sues ex-Viking over credit card

[NY Post]: Stephon Marbury and his $15 sneakers ready for world domination on Oprah

[The Offside]: Let's hope he washed his hands before returning to goal.

[Sports By Brooks]: Warriors owner owes the IRS $160M in unpaid taxes.

[SI.com]: Ideas to shorten sporting events

[11 Alive]: Blind 106 year old bowler is better than you

And finally, Michael Vick actually gets some good news. It turns out that his herpes will protect him from bubonic plague and other germs. Unfortunately, there's no immunization from animal rights activists.

Permalink | Post A Comment | Read Comments

Stephon Marbury verbally pimp slaps Lebron james

Posted on Thu Mar 29, 2007 at 01:30:01 PM EST in NBA
More on: Lebron James, Stephon Marbury, Nike (all tags)

When asked whether he could endorse a $15 sneaker like Marbury does, Lebron said, "No, I don't think so. Me being with Nike, we hold our standards high." That's a nice little dis but probably not meant with as much derision as it seems.

Yet, Starbury being Starbury came up the best retort we've heard in a while:

I'd rather own than be owned.

Nice shot, Stephon. Who knew he could think that quickly on his feet.

Links:
[Newsday]: LeBron steps up sneaker war
[SC]: Stephon Marbury's shoes

Permalink | Post A Comment | Read Comments (3 comments)

Around the Rim: Garnett regret

Posted on Wed Mar 28, 2007 at 09:30:54 AM EST in NBA
More on: Timberwolves, Nets, Pacers, Stephon Marbury, Ben Wallace, Josh Howard, Rockets, Clippers, Kobe Bryant, NBA, Around the Rim (all tags)

1. Run, Kevin, Run!
Last night was not a good night to be on the Minnesota Timberwolves. Well, it wasn't so bad until about halfway through the third quarter. That's when Seattle decided to put the Super back in front of Sonics and erased a 25 point deficit with 51-18 run over the remainder of the game. Rashard Lewis single handedly outscored the Timberwolves 27 to 18. If that isn't bad enough for Minny, they ended the game by getting smoked on a 25-2 run. It was the biggest lead ever to be blown by T-Wolves and marked the first game in over three years in which the visiting team pulled off a 25 point comeback. The last team to do it was 2003-04 Knicks who came back from 26 down in Milwaukee to snatch a three point victory, 103-100, from the jaws of defeat. Kevin Garnett really doesn't deserve this; actually, he does. It's time to demand a trade.

2. New Jersey's losing finally pays off
Thanks to a monumental meltdown by the Pacers since the All-Star break, New Jersey, yes New Jersey has moved into the final playoff spot in the Eastern Conference. For almost the entire season it appeared that the Pacific Division would be sending only one team to the post season but the Nets are hoping to continue their limp into the playoffs. New Jersey has lost eight of their last 12 games but that sorry performance actually improves their positioning because the Pacers have lost 15 of their last 17. If that's not the sign of a pathetic conference then nothing is. So, all things considered, what would you expect from the basketball gods in a situation like this? Why a match-up between the two teams tonight in Jersey with a playoff spot on the line, of course. The only positive thing about this game is that one of them has to win.

3. Big Ben buys in
Stephon Marbury has been selling cheap, I mean affordable sneakers for long enough to know that he can't build a successful corporation by himself, so he has brought in some big help. Ben Wallace has jumped aboard the Starbury Movement and is now sporting the new $14.98 Starbury II shoe, and it won't be long until his own sneak (Big Ben) is released on the line. So, while Marbury's team struggles on the court, his business team is growing by leaps and bounds. His line has expanded from 50 to 200 products that are all available for under $15. And nobody understands about the need for affordable apparel more than Wallace. Big Ben grew up poor as the 10th of 11 children and the youngest of eight boys. "I had to wait in line," said Wallace. Now he just hopes that others will be lining up for a piece of his new investment.

Tuesday's Player of the Day: Josh Howard @ New Orleans 32 min, 25 pts (FG: 10-16, 3FG: 2-2, FT: 3-3), 10 reb, 2 ast, 2 stl, 2 blk

Wednesday's Game to Watch: Houston (45-26) @ Los Angeles Clippers (34-36) The Clippers are just barely holding onto the final playoff spot in the Western Conference but they have currently won five of their last six games. That's the equivalent of winning 15 straight for any normal NBA team. Houston is enjoying having their man in the middle back and they have now won nine of their last 11 games. Since returning from his injury Yao is averaging 21 points to go along with nine rebounds. And Tracy McGrady is playing pretty well himself as the team hopes to catch the Jazz which would get them home court advantage against Utah in the first round but Houston would still remain in the fifth spot.

Buzzer Beater: Well, the streak is officially over for Kobe. After games of 65, 50, 60, 50 and 43, Bryant finally returned to earth and scored a human-like performance of only 23. Now, that might sound like a small number but, for comparison's sake, that's the amount of points that former MVP Kevin Garnett currently averages (22.8). The Mamba started the game hot and looked like he was getting ready to explode for another 60 point performance after he scored nine of the team's first 11 points. But after that Bryant went cold as he was a pathetic 4-of-23 for the remainder of the game. Bryant also received a taste of his own medicine in the second quarter when he took a forearm to the melon from Pau Gasol that sent him to the famous LA hardwood. Mmmm, tastes like pain.

Permalink | Post A Comment | Read Comments