What do Brett Favre and Jon Bon Jovi have in common? Well, they're both buddies with Ron Jaworski and their careers just won't seem to die, but that's not all. Thanks to the guys over at Ryan Parker Songs, we now know that they also have this crappy song in common. The words are included, so sing along. And don't pretend you don't know the rhythm; we saw you at the stadium when the Slipper When Wet Tour rolled through town.
I've been missing playing ball since I called it to an end,
So I went out for some two hand touch with some neighbors and a friend,
As I passed the ball around, it felt so good, I think I found,
That number 4 could still play ball, so I gave the Packers one more call,
And said I've got good news, yeah, I'm coming back,
But they told me I was smoking crack,
They said never, but I'll play forever,
Never say goodbye, never say goodbye,
I'll find somewhere that I can play even if it's not Green Bay,
Say goodbye, never say goodbye,
Now Aaron Rodgers is the guy, but number 4 will never say goodbye,
I'm inspired by what some guys have done like when Jordan played for Washington,
Oh I hope that time's been good to me and I'm more like Foreman than Ali,
No, I've got no secrets unrevealed and I don't need cash like Holyfield,
I just want to find somewhere to throw even if it's for Bon Jovi's Soul,
Cause I've still got skills, I've still got game,
I'm not ready for the hall of fame,
Never, cause I'll play forever,
Never say goodbye, never say goodbye,
I'll find somewhere that I can play even if it's not Green Bay,
Say goodbye, never say goodbye,
Now Aaron Rodgers is the guy, but number 4 will never say goodbye,
I probably made John Madden cry cause number 4 will never say goodbye ...
In other news...
[YardBarker.com]: The question on every fantasy football player's mind
[SoxAddict.org]: The Material Girls goes to Toronto to see A-Rod play
[BleedEaglesGreen.com]: First Elton Brand and now Chauncey Billups, maybe Philly can be the next Boston
[The Angry T]: Rejected EA Sports NCAA 2009 covers
There are so many horrible logos in the world of sports that we could probably establish an entire hall of shame for the goofy designs. But that would take more effort to create than actually went into the logos themselves and that just doesn't seem right to us. Luckily, we can eliminate about 4,000 disasters right off the bat because the fellas over at InventorSpot.com came up with The Top 10 Worst Sports Logos.
Some of us were actually naïve enough to believe that the feud between Kobe Bryant and Shaquille O'Neal was squashed. What fools. These guys still loathe each other with a passion and they will be rivals for the remainder of their careers, nay, their lives. Kobe wants to earn a ring on his own so badly he can taste it (or is that Shaq's ass that he loves tasting?) and he's willing to do almost anything to get one. This year he was even desperate enough to involve his teammates. The Diesel, on the other hand, is still the face of the league on a very talented squad and he's already raised a trophy without KB. So, now he's just trying to outdo Bryant in other, more important areas of life, like jumping over stuff. It's not a speeding Aston Martin or a kiddie pool full of snakes, but it's a start.
By the looks of his new crib, the Daddy definitely underwent a little downsizing following his costly divorce.
By this point, we've all heard Shaq utter the words "Kobe, tell me how my ass tastes," at least 5,000 times and, frankly, we're still not tired of the freestyle. However, we are somewhat disappointed that Kobe hasn't fired back at the Diesel. After all, let's not forget that K.B. is a rapper himself...sorta. But he's also a very, very busy man with the Olympics rapidly approaching; luckily, Russ Bengtson of SlamOnline.com wrote some mad retaliatory rhymes so Bryant could concentrate on bringing the gold home from Beijing. Mr. Bengtson, you are a patriot and poet indeed.
Your reign on the top was short like leprechauns
Sure-thing rings lost to Wallaces and Olajuwons
You're a true, what? You're a true blue pr*ck
On the outside you're happy, on the inside you're sick
Oh, my bad, I forgot, that's just part of your schtick
Admit it, you just mad `cause your career's almost over
You're a black hole while I'm still supernova
And while we're on the topic of being a star
I'll be in Phoenix in February--can I borrow your car?
Since I'll be in the game, I won't drive it too far
I remember when you had the Reebok Shaqnosis
Now you're working on a coronary thrombosis
I live in the gym, you've got a body by Hostess
Nike makes me shoes and spots, I jump cars for fun
Tell you what, I'd rather hang with Jackass than be one
You claim to be a player, but I f*cked your wife
Yeah, that's just jokes, but--haha--I f*cked your life
Wanna go after me for your problems, nah, that's all on you
And those big alimony checks--those are all on you too
Watch Shaunie stack those chips while you get blue
And what's this I hear about how you went after Kareem?
You'll never be like him, he was part of a team
Forget about Cap, were you even better than Dream?
Please explain the MDE with one MVP?
That's like calling yourself a forest when you're only one tree
Russ had five, Wilt had four, even Moses had three
As for the rings, yeah, you wound up with four
But the Most Dominant Ever should really have more
You weren't the most feared to ever step on the floor
Those three titles we won, yeah, I couldn't have done it without you
At least I can admit it, how `bout you, Shaq-Fu?
It's always all about you--the big center of attention
But you ain't notorious, never had that dimension
Coulda stayed in L.A. but you had to have that extension
You can score in the paint, can't get it done at the line
Say "I hit `em when it matters" and everything's fine?
Those ugly-ass bricks don't take from your shine?
Nah, I guess not, but while it may not hurt your fame
It's something to consider when you're benched at the end of the game
And now new guys are coming through to rip that S off your arm
Bad enough you lost your game, now you even lost your charm
What ever happened to you, when did you get so bitter?
Used to be a champion, now you're a quitter
Could have done more in Miami if you only got fitter
If you couldn't take the fire, should have stayed out the Heat
You're so out of shape you can barely THINK on your feet
And they even took your badges, that I'm sorry to hear
Because at least then you might have had another career
Call yourself a cop? You're nothin' but a pig
And rhyme all you want, you can never be Big
I'm a Laker for life, you're just another man on a journey
In fact, don't ever speak to me, just call my attorney
Keep playing with fire, you ain't gonna burn me
You think you can spit? Like those six Grammies mattered?
You never were sh*t, but I'm glad you were flattered
You never really could rhyme, got carried by many
Kind of like how it worked with Dwyane, Kobe and Penny
People only rhymed on your records because they knew you had money
You think they laughed at your jokes `cause they thought you were funny?
Always thought you was Vito when you're really a Sonny
As for your movies, they laughed WITH you, as far as you know
But maybe you should go back to school, like Neon Boudeaux
And hey, my coach came back, unlike Mike D'Antoni
He chose the KNICKS over you, you big f*cking phony
You think you a horse, but you barely a pony
I'll be in Beijing this summer, going for gold
You could be too, if you weren't so old
Face it, you mad, that's why you came at me first
If I show you my trophy, will it slake your MVP thirst?
I got to stay home, you got displaced.
As years go by, your memories erased.
What was that, Diesel? How does your ass taste?
Shouldn't you know? You're the one sh*tfaced
Remember back in the good ol' days when running backs where the most important position in the fantasy football universe. Well, thanks to the two-back system sensation that is sweeping the NFL nation, those days appear to be over; at least, according to WhatIfSports.com. They released their 08 season predicitions this week and the QBs are defiantly the dominant species with seven in the top 10 and 10 appearing in the top 15. Here's their breakdown of the top 10 scorers overall.
1. Tom Brady, QB, Patriots
2. Peyton Manning, QB, Colts
3. Tony Romo, QB, Cowboys
4. LaDanian Tomlinson, RB, Chargers
5. Brian Westbrook, RB, Eagles
6. Drew Brees, QB, Saints
7. Derek Anderson, QB, Browns
8. Carson Palmer, QB, Bengals
9. Adrian Peterson, RB, Vikings
10. Eli Manning, QB, Giants
Just for comparisons sake, here's a quick rundown of the projected top 10 players prior to the 2007 season as seen by SI.com:
1. LaDainian Tomlinson, RB, Chargers
2. Steven Jackson, RB, Rams
3. Larry Johnson, RB, Chiefs
4. Frank Gore, RB, 49ers
5. Shaun Alexander, RB, Seahawks
6. Willie Parker, RB, Steelers
7. Rudi Johnson, RB, Bengals
8. Brian Westbrook, RB, Eagles
9. Peyton Manning, QB, Colts
10. Joseph Addai, RB, Colts
Everyone and their momma knew Shaquille O'Neal was wetting himself in glee after the Boston Celtics disposed of the Los Angeles Lakers in the Finals last week. However, we actually hoped Shaq was going to take the high road on this one, choosing not to remind Kobe that he couldn't win the big one without the Big Aristotle. Of course, that would mean Shaq doesn't hold grudges and we all know that isn't true. So, in reality, it was only a matter of time before O'Neal let loose on his former teammate, but we never expected it to come in the form of freestyle.
Mean spirited or playful banter? You be the judge. The only thing we know for certain is that the phrase "Kobe, tell me how my ass tastes" has officially become the most hilarious seven words ever uttered in the world of sports.
What she no longer has in age or looks, she makes up for with money
The only thing sexier than a beautiful babe is a rich, beautiful babe. After all, what good is having a bombshell girlfriend if she can't take you out on expensive dates and buy you nice things? So, for all you bachelors out there, here's a list of The 12 Highest Earning Hotties on Earth. You can thank WallStreetFighter.com.
12. Adriana Lima - $6 Million 11.Kate Moss - $9 Million 10.Jennifer Aniston - $14 Million 9.Tyra Banks - $18 Million 8.Angelina Jolie - $20 Million 7.Maria Sharapova - $23 Million 6.Gwen Stefani - $26 Million 5.Beyonce - $27 Million 4.Nicole Kidman - $28 Million 3.Gisele Bundchen - $33 Million 2.Shakira - $38 Million 1.Madonna - $72 Million
Phoenix's trade for Shaquille O'Neal didn't exactly work like they hoped it would. Instead of hoisting another trophy over his head, Shaq is instead, sitting at home after the Spurs sent Phoenix packing after the first round. Quite frankly, we miss the big fella. O'Neal is always the life of the party and without him we just feel empty inside, especially when the press conference's coming rolling around.
1. Suns rise to the occasion
With 12 minutes left in the game, San Antonio looked like they might once again crush the hopes of the Suns, but Shaquille O'Neal and Steve Nash didn't allow that to happen. Phoenix ran out of SA with a 96-79 victory after outscoring the Spurs 24-11 in the fourth quarter. Shaq recorded half of his 16 points in the period and two-time MVP Nash scored eight of his 12 points (10 ast) to win the season-series 3-1. The Suns are still sitting in sixth place, but with the victory they are now just ½ a game away from catching San Antonio, currently second, in the standings. As always, the bad blood was flowing throughout the contest, culminating in the furious fourth quarter when Bruce Bowen sent a forearm into the chest of Amare Stoudemire as the Suns forward set a pick at halfcourt. Guess who got called dirty after the game.
Bruce came elbow first. Elbowed me right in my rib cage," Stoudemire said. "You know, definitely wasn't a basketball play on his part and I reacted. I definitely didn't appreciate it. So, I let him know about it.
2. Hornets romp the T-Wolves
The Hornets needed a win over Minnesota in order to maintain their lead over the rest of the West and, of course, they got it. Using a 41-point, third-quarter outburst, followed by 33 points in the fourth, New Orleans cruised to a 122-90 victory, grabbing its team-best 55th win. Chris Paul was back to his old tricks, posting 19 points and 16 assists while Peja Stojakovic finished with 24 and David West scored 22. It's starting to look more and more like the Hornets are really going to grab the top seed in the West after missing the second season entirely last year. Byron Scott won't get the coach of the year award over Doc Rivers this season, but the guy has got to get some credit for his abilities. He helped turn around the Nets when he was there and he's shocked the world this season by taking his Bugs from worst to first.
3. Wiz continues to improve
Boston doesn't have much to play for as the season comes to a close, but Washington certainly does. Thanks to a 109-95 home floor victory, Washington is now just two games behind a struggling Cleveland squad. The Wizards would love to steal homecourt advantage in the playoffs away from the Cavs and surprise the league with a deep run. It might sound crazy, but with a healthy roster and a raucous crowd, the Wiz could be in line for some a serious magic act. Antawn Jamison double-doubled with 27 points and 11 rebounds while Caron Butler scored 13 to go with 10 assists. Gilbert Arenas came off the bench to post 13 points on 5-of-14 shooting. The Celtics got 63 points out of their Big Three, but couldn't recover from a 27-18 spanking in the third quarter.
Wednesday's Player of the Day: Chris Bosh vs. Milwaukee 40 min, 32 pts (FG: 11-18, 3FG: 1-2, FT: 9-11), 11 reb, 2 ast, 3 stl, 4 blk
Thursday's Game to Watch: Denver (47-13) @ Golden State (47-31)
Sure, Utah and Dallas are hooking it up in a battle of the West's big boys, but the big game tonight comes from the worst of the conference's best. The Nuggets and Warriors are sporting identical records, but thanks to a tiebreaker, the Nuggets are currently holding the last playoff spot. Of course, that might not last long because Denver isn't nearly as good on the road (16-23) as they are at home (31-8). And we all know what an overwhelming atmosphere Golden State can be after watching the crowds go wild in last year's postseason. If you want a preview of playoff intensity then this is the place to be.
Buzzer Beater: In the "no duh!" moment of the day, O.J. Mayo declared that he is forgoing the remainder of his eligibility at USC in order to go pro. Mayo is expected to go in the first 10 picks and there's no doubt that he will make some sorry team very, very happy. The freshman led the Trojans to a first round defeat at the hands of fellow phenomenal freshman Michael Beasley and his Wildcats by posting team-highs of 20.7 points, 4.5 rebounds and 3.3 assists per game. Unlike his college coach, we should expect big things from Mayo in the NBA.
This comes as no surprise," coach Tim Floyd said in the statement. "We are appreciative of everything O.J. did for all of us the year he was with us. We wish him well. I have no doubt that he will be a great professional.
I've been missing playing ball since I called it to an end,
