We have a strict and simple belief that we live our lives by every single day and that is grown men should NEVER wear the jerseys of professional athletes. Just the idea of seeing some 42-year-old from Denver sporting a John Elway throwback makes us wanna puke. But, it happens everyday in this great country of ours and everyday we shed a tear over it. So, for the love of all things decent, if you have to wear a jersey, please take the advice of the Bleacher Report guys and just make sure it's not one of these 10. Oh, or Michael Vick.
10. Any WNBA jersey (just wanted to get that out of the way first).
9. Randall Gay - I don't think I'm really homophobic, saying that, I don't even think a gay man would wear a jersey with "Gay" on the back of it. Good for Gay, he already has a Super Bowl ring, and in March, he's headed back to his home state of Louisiana, signing with the Saints for $17.6 million.
8. Bill Buckner - Even after the Sox broke the curse and have one two World Series in the last few years, has anybody really forgiven Buckner in Boston? I don't think I would take the chance of sporting a Buckner jersey anywhere around the Boston area.
7. Leon Lett - Although he was a two-time Pro Bowler and part of the Dallas Cowboys' three Super Bowl victories in the `90s, he will probably be remembered for two real stupid/hilarious plays.
The first play coming in Super Bowl XXVII. Lett recovered a fumble on the 45-yard line and was running it back for a clear touchdown, at around the 10, Leon outstretched his arm with the ball. Not seeing a hustling Don Beebe, the ball was stripped and knocked out of the end zone, which resulted in a touchback. Granted, the play had no effect on the game at all, it must have been really embarrassing for Cowboy's nation.
The second play came on a Thanksgiving Day game in '93. With the Cowboys leading the Dolphins 14-13 in the closing seconds, Miami attempted a field goal. During the game, there was a rare snowstorm in Dallas which covered the field. Anyway, the Cowboys wound up blocking the kick.
While his teammates made a circle around the ball and started celebrating, Lett broke through to recover the ball. I don't know if he even knows what he was thinking, but he slipped on the ice when trying to get it. The Dolphins recovered the ball on the one-yard line. Miami wound up winning the game.
Come to think of it, maybe I would wear his jersey; it would be a conversation starter.
6. Jose Canseco - Do I really have to explain why? Maybe I would wear his twin brother's, Ozzie, jersey, now he was something special.
5. Rae Carruth - He was a first-team All-American wide receiver out of Colorado who was the 27th overall pick by the Carolina Panthers in 1997. In his rookie year, Carruth led all rookie receivers in receptions and receiving touchdowns. He showed a lot of promise. It all came to an end in 1999, when he conspired to commit murder. The victim was Carruth's girlfriend who was pregnant with his twins at the time. He's still in jail.
Wearing his jersey would be, let's say in bad taste? Carruth's number? 89. I guess it wasn't the number; Steve Smith seems to be alright with it, unless he conspired in the elimination of running back Stephen Davis. Is it just me, or did he disappear very quickly?
4. Gheorge Muresan - The tallest player ever to play in the NBA. His number was 77, which was in reference to his 7'7" frame. He was named Most Improved Player in the 1995-96 season when he put up solid numbers, averaging 14.5 points, 9.6 rebounds, and 2.6 blocks. He also gave a riveting performance co-starring with Billy Crystal in the movie My Giant where he played a big guy.
Did anybody ever sport a Muresan jersey? There had to of been, I think I remember them in the stands in his Washington Bullets days. As for me? I don't like anybody over seven feet.
3. Aaron Rodgers - His jersey will be a novelty item the way things are going now. Will he ever start a game? Just a thought wouldn't it be cool to see the Packers fans wearing Rodgers' jerseys and the Packers fans wearing Favre jerseys fight? It would be a Green Bay Civil War.
2. Scott Norwood - "No Good! Wide right!" With Norwood's 47-yard field goal miss, the Giants won Super Bowl XXV. Although he was the Bills all-time leading scorer, he will always be remembered for that kick. I might try to get a Ray Finkle jersey though. Finkle was the kicker based on Norwood in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, for those of you who didn't get the reference. If only the laces were out, Norwood could be a Buffalo hero.
1. O.J. Simpson - Although the Juice is loose, his jersey isn't. Pretty funny that his jersey has spent more time locked up than him. That is, until he finally catches the true killers. Then I can finally dust the magnificent shirt off, it just looks weird in my closet. I just can't get rid of it; he is a former Heisman winner.
Also, please avoid these additional players from the NBA, NHL, NFL and MLB if at all possible.
When it comes to the partying and wild behavior, the Stanley Cup has seen more than its fair share. In fact, if you tested the Cup right now, the metal would probably consist of about 75 percent alcohol and 15 percent body fluids from hookers. The last 10 percent, well, the Red Wings Kris Draper is going to have to explain that one.
Red Wings forward Kris Draper revealed during the weekend that his diaperless baby, Kamryn, did a number on the Cup last month. A number two, to be exact.
"A week after we won it, I had my newborn daughter in there, and she pooped in the Cup," Draper said. "That was something. We had a pretty good laugh.
"I still drank out of it that night, so no worries."
You still drank out of it!! Dude, that's sick! Not even this guy would put that thing near his lips after a baby dropped a deucer in it.
Links:
[Freep.com]: Draper's diaperless daughter finds new use for Stanley Cup
This is seriously one of the sickest old men man ever and he's exactly why parents need to keep an eye on their kids at all times when attending a ball game.
A man whose trial two years ago made public a long-held fetish for drinking the urine of young boys has surfaced again in the Columbus area.
And according to complaints filed with Dublin police, his fetish still has him helpless to resist it. ...
Official reports indicate he has been observed putting Saran wrap on toilet seats in public, sports-related venues with the apparent intent to drink any urine collected there.
It was that practice that drew Patton to the attention of Gahanna authorities in 2006. During his trial, authorities said he collected urine from boys at a movie theater -- and at times even paid for it.
We called in sick to work today and told our boss that we were "murdered and then set on fire" while celebrating our birthdays. He's a total moron, so he bought it, but we have to bring in a doctor's note which we'll be forging during Judge Judy this afternoon. Anyways, while we were surfing the web and finishing off a six-pack of Bud Ice, we came across The Hungry Actor's list of Top 10 Strange Sports Injuries and realized that our excuse wasn't so farfetched after all.
10. Brian Griese trips over his pet poodle and sprains his ankle.
9. John Smoltz burns himself while ironing a shirt he was wearing.
8. Tom Glavine breaks a rib while vomiting up an inflight meal.
7. Brandon Inge pulls his oblique while readjusting a pillow on his couch.
6. Glenallen Hill, an extreme arachnaphobic had a nightmare about spiders and while fleeing the spiders he fell into a glass table and received multiple cuts over his entire body.
5. Denny McLain goes to sleep in good health and wakes up with four dislocated toes.
4. Muggsy Bogues misses the second half after accidentally inhaling the fumes from an ointment being used in a halftime treatment.
3. Adam Eaton stabs himself in the stomach with a paring knife trying to remove the packaging of a DVD.
2. Clarence "Climax" Blethen thought he looked meaner when he pitched without his false teeth in. Unfortunately for him he left them in his back pocket while sliding into second and he bit himself on butt.
1. Bret Barberie failed to wash his hands, after making nachos with hot sauce and chili peppers, before he put in his contact lenses. The extreme burning cause him to miss one game.
Honorable Mention: Chris Hanson misses while chopping wood and severely cuts his leg landing himself on the DL for the season; Lionel Simmons developed tendinitis from playing too many video games; Manny Cordova falls asleep in a tanning bed and receives burns so severe he has to miss time; Sammy Sosa sneezes multiple times in the clubhouse prompting a series of back spasms which puts him out of the lineup.
We call dibs on No. 5. We're planning on calling in sick next Monday too. Three-day 4th of July weekend, here we come!
With Tiger Woods' season officially coming to a close, the PGA is starting to sweat bullets over losing the game's biggest draw. So, here's a list of 10 Thing The PGA Tour Can Do To Increase Attendance, according to The World of Isaac, while Tiger's getting nursed back to health by Elin.
10. Give John Daly the go ahead to do the 18 challenge (18 Hot Dogs, 18 Beers, and 18 shots, 18 Holes)
9. Give Natalie Gulbis an honorary PGA membership for the Summer.
8. Fans get free copies of the next hottest Calendar: The Women of the PGA tour
7. Make Phil Mickelson wear "The Bro" outside his shirt (Big Endorsement)
6. Randomly choose one golfer to get Nancy Kerrigan'd every week and make him limp around the course. Hey, the drama worked for Tiger?
5. Make worse than a bogey=Keg Stand at the next hole
4. If somebody screams "Get in the Hole" and it doesn't go in, make that fan strip naked and run for his life
3. Have a Tim Finchem Dunk Tank at the turn
2. Bring back some old cranky dudes from the Senior tour. Let them go at it from the ladies tee, let them ride carts, let them foot wedge it out of the rough
1. KY Jelly and Mud Wrestling in every available Pond
We love watching sports, mainly for all of its elegance and grace, but we're equally addicted to the bloopers. And it doesn't have to be the physical kind, we love a good slip of the tongue too. Sometimes, it doesn't even have to be accidental. During any given game, we're bound to hear at least a few horrible metaphors from the crew behind the mics. So, here's a list of the Top Ten Sports Phrases that Cause Uncontrollable Giggles. Just try not to laugh.
John McLaren exploded in the Mariners post game press conference and by now you've probably already heard or seen the clip on your favorite local television station, but the profanity is so much more impressive in print.
"We're playing our (bleep) off every day and got nothing to show for it. I'm tired of (bleeping) losing, I'm tired of getting my (bleep) beat, and so have those guys. We gotta change this (bleeping bleep) around and get after it. And only we can do it. The fans are (bleeped) off, and I'm (bleeped) off, and the players are (bleeped) off. And that's the way it is. There's no (bleeping) easy way out of this, can't feel sorry for ourself, we gotta (bleeping) buckle it up and get after it. I'm tired of (bleep) losing this, (bleeping) every night we bust our (bleep). It's gotta be a total team (bleeping) effort to turn this thing around, and that's it."
In other news...
[SawxBlog]: Future chart topper: the MoMannyMoneyMix
It wasn't all that long ago that we stumbled across a list of The 50 Sexiest WAGs of World Soccer and our lives changed forever. Our tongues are still dragging on the ground and our eyeballs still haven't gone back fully into their sockets. But for some of you out there, soccer babes just don't do it for you. Well, what about hockey hotties? Thanks to All Balls, there is now an official list of The 10 Hottest Hockey Player Celebrity Girlfriends for us to drool over.
Another hockey season is almost over and it's time to reflect on the best part about hockey. All the hot celebrities chicks that hockey players score with! Is it the hockey hair that drives the ladies wild? Is the the rugged sexiness of missing teeth? Perhaps it's those irresistible Canadian and Russian accents? For whatever reason, female celebrities can't resist the allure of the hockey player. Personally, I think it's because every little girl want to be a figure skater when she grows up and hockey players are pretty much professional figure skaters minus the sequence outfits and the face glitter. And no, as a matter of fact I'm not going to make any five-hole jokes today. How dare all of you.
10. Rachel Hunter (girlfriend of Jarret Stoll) 9. Kellie Pickler (girlfriend of Jordin Tootoo) 8. Paris Hilton (girlfriend of Jose Theodore) 7. Madonna (girlfriend of Mark Messier) 6. Hillary Duff (girlfriend of Mike Comrie) 5. Izabella Scorupco (girlfriend of Mariusz Czerkawski) 4. Anna Kournikova (girlfriend of Pavel Bure and Sergei Fedorov) 3. Alyssa Milano (girlfriend of Wayne Bean) 2. Gena Lee Nolin (girlfriend of Cale Hulse) 1. Elisha Cuthbert (girlfriend of Sean Avery)
Hockey players are tough dudes. They don't need to take pucks off their junk to prove they're manly men, but that's exactly what Patrick Thoresen did on Friday in Game 1 of the Flyers/Capitals playoff series. However, the Philadelphia forward was back in the locker room on Monday - with a bag of ice in his groin - cracking jokes and making light of the injury that nearly cost him a testicle and even admitted he would take another slapshot to nuts any day for his team.
"That's my job, "Thoresen said. "I'm sacrificing myself for the team. That's what it's all about, especially in the playoffs."
The next time Thoresen has to talk about a cup, he hopes it's for hoisting the Stanley Cup and not about the dented, protective one that saved his testicle from removal.
"He sacrificed himself, there," center Daniel Briere said. "Those are big plays and sometimes you're going to lose guys. It shows how much he's willing to sacrifice for his teammates."
That's a lot to sacrifice.
"It's a lot," said Briere, chuckling. "But that's the way you're going to win. That's what you have to do."
While men everywhere surely felt queasy watching the replay, Thoresen laughed about the incident and cracked a couple off-color, one-liners about his uncomfortable condition.
As for the protective cup that took the brunt of Mike Green's shot, Thoresen said, "That's one I can't use again." ...
Thoresen didn't have a problem with the play continuing while he rolled around the circle in complete agony. Not that he really cared at that point.
"I didn't have time to think because the pain was so, so huge," Thoresen said. "I was like, get me off the ice and give me some ice. It was a little scary."
Links:
[CBS.Sportsline.com]: Puck to groin likely to keep Flyers forward Thoresen out of Game 3
Well, the wait is almost over and it appears that either Ohio State or Michigan will be the proud owners of the rights to Terrelle Pryor at noon on Wednesday. Pryor is the latest version of Vince Young to hit the college gridiron and he should have dramatic effects on the aspirations of whomever he decides to join. Stay tuned to see if Rich Rodriguez's jump to Michigan was worth it.
10. Any WNBA jersey (just wanted to get that out of the way first).
