Clinton Portis channels four more figments of his imagination

Posted on Wed Jun 25, 2008 at 11:27:36 AM EST in NFL
More on: Clinton Portis, NFL, Redskins, characters (all tags)

Clinton Portis is a wild and crazy cat indeed. One of his absolute favorite things to do is dress up like its Halloween every time he does a press conference and being the fan friendly guy that he is, Portis is allowing you to choose which reincarnation attends. Here are your choices.

Bud Foxx

» Occupation: Ultimate Fighter
» Win-loss record: 0 wins, 17 losses
» Weight class: 115 pounds, but he weighs 220 pounds
» Finishing move: Cracking fingers

Foxx suffered a fast defeat at the (fully intact) hands of NFL researcher George Li to keep his winless streak alive.

Dr. Do Itch Big

» Occupation: Dentist
» Fact: Does his own dental work in the mirror
» Motto: "Cleaning up the NFL one mouth at a time"

The good doctor started his bicuspid crusade by enhancing the grills of former Giants DE Michael Strahan and Bills RB Marshawn Lynch.

Electra

» Occupation: Environmentalist
» Education: Masters in Electrical Engineering from MIT
» Motto: "Off the grid is off the chain"
» Facts: Lives in a solar-powered green house and smokes a pipe

The Earth-lover's decision to step back on the grid to keep Rich Eisen caffeinated gave him a jolt from which he may not recover.

Prime Minister Yah Mon

» Occupation: Prime Minister
» Birthplace: Somewhere between Jamaica and the United States
» Fact: Running for President of the United States as an independent

Forget Obama and McCain. Come November, vote for this dreadlocked diplomat, who promises to lower gas prices by at least 40 cents.

Here's the video bios for these goons.

Links:
[NFL.com]: Vote for your favorite Portis character

Permalink | Post A Comment | Read Comments

All of the lies in sports are driving us crazy!!!

Posted on Wed Jun 06, 2007 at 08:31:28 AM EST in NFL
More on: Clinton Portis, Redskins, liar (all tags)

Will somebody please take the mic
away from Bootsy already.

What the hell is wrong with athletes and coaches today? Nobody seems to have a mental filter or a shred of meaningful contemplation anymore. There is an epidemic of stupid decisions sweeping across the sporting landscape as player after player are making boneheaded, spur of the moment statements that must later be recanted in a manner that can do nothing but further make a mockery of that athlete. Our latest victim: Clinton Portis.

A couple of weeks ago, this idiot tried to justify Michael Vick and his dog farm of death by saying that:

I don't know if he was fighting dogs or not, but it's his property, it's his dog," Portis told WAVY-TV. "If that's what he wants to do, do it. I think people should mind their business.

Fast forward to Tuesday and Portis has this to say:

A couple of weeks ago, when I made those comments I didn't understand the seriousness behind it," Portis said. "I didn't know it would affect that many people, and didn't think what I said was that offensive. But after doing some research and seeing how serious people take this, I shouldn't have made the comments. I'm going to just leave it alone and hopefully, it will die down and people will understand that. At that time I had no idea the love people have for animals, and I didn't consider it when I made those comments.

You "had no idea the love people have for animals"?!?! Give us a break! Listen, instead of wasting our time with this bogus line of B.S., why don't you just shut the hell up and think about what you're about to say the next time a mic gets shoved in your face. And that goes for you too Michael Vick, Kobe Bryant and Billy Donovan. We're getting sick of you idiots' big mouths and your sporadic moods and judgments. You guys are wasting our precious blog reading time with your recanting of statements and patronizing apologies. This why a lot of people want their athletes to be seen and not heard, you can't believe a word that's coming out of their traps anymore.

Links:
[WashingtonPost.com]: Portis Recants Words About Dogfighting

Permalink | Post A Comment | Read Comments (2 comments)

Odds and Ends: Will Keyshawn be any good?

Posted on Thu May 24, 2007 at 05:16:07 PM EST in NFL
More on: Clinton Portis, Redskins, NBA Draft, ESPN, Super Bowl, Odds and Ends (all tags)

Am I an asshole?

By now, you've heard that Keyshawn has decided to retire and join ESPN. Now, my first reaction to this is that it's another example of ESPN just going completely down the toilet. However, if you look at Michael Irvin's work, he wasn't all that bad. And Keyshawn is basically just another version of Michael Irvin.

I feel like Michael Irvin really did have some decent insight into the game of football (certainly more than that Chris Berman asshole) but he simply wasn't articulate enough to express his opinions and he also had the habit of trying to be funny by saying the stupidest. So while ESPN's NFL coverage is all but unwatchable, having Keyshawn on the show isn't going to make it any worse. Thank God we have the NFL on FOX.

In other news...

[buzzfeed]: Six fans who gave shout outs to their team on death row

[UPI]: Blind golfer seen reading scorecard

[DC Pro Sports Report]: 2007 Mock NBA Draft

[Bloody Long Odds]: Odds for 2010 World Cup already released

[MSNBC]: Rosenhaus supports Clinton Portis

[SI]: Ex Montana St player leader of drug ring

[Houston Chronicle]: 2011 Super Bowl could set ticket sales record at $93 million

[Seattle PI]: Jones soda pulls off Seahawks upset

[IHT]: Japanese red socks have become symbol for Red Sox

And finally, stay away from the salad at the Wheaton North High School

Permalink | Post A Comment | Read Comments (1 comment)

Clinton Portis defends Vick, offers to show you a dog fight

Posted on Mon May 21, 2007 at 12:13:49 PM EST in NFL
More on: Clinton Portis, Michael Vick, dog fights, NFL (all tags)

We've always liked Clinton Portis but his latest statements are reprehensible. In defending Michael Vick, Portis said that as long as the dogs were Vick's and the fights took place on his property, then it shouldn't be a concern to anyone.

Here's the video from WAVY-TV, a television station in Hampton Roads, Virginia. (The video is crap but that's what happens when people use Windows Media Player, the shittiest software on the planet.)

Chris Samuels is also defending Vick but he's taking the "innocent until proven guilty" route while Portis seems to think that dog fighting is totally justifiable and was unfazed when informed that it was a felony and offered to show the reporter a few back roads back in Mississippi if she wanted to see some dog fights. We wonder if Portis thinks that AJ Nicholson is just getting a bad rap -- all he did was smack up his woman on his property right?

Links:
[AOL Sportsblog]: Clinton Portis: Michael Vick Did Nothing Wrong
[WAVY]: Portis and Samuel interview

Permalink | Post A Comment | Read Comments (1 comment)