Posted on Mon Aug 04, 2008 at 09:51:35 AM EST in Other Sports
More on: NFL, Olympics, Vince Young, Reggie Bush, Chris Cooley, Larry Allen (all tags)

The Olympics are right around the corner, Friday to be exact, and we can't wait to see the red, white and blue go berserk on some foreigner asses. And while we're confident in Team USA, regardless of sport, we know America would have a definite edge over the competition in the individual sports if we used our biggest, strongest and fastest athletes available. In other words, we need to totally revamp the Olympic roster and use nothing but NFLers. Here's how things would look, according to NE Patriots Draft.

Fencing - Travis Henry
He's pretty good with his sword, if you know what I mean.

Sailing - Matt Birk
He's a Viking, so boats are right up his alley, plus he went to Harvard.

Sprint Events - Devin Hester
No pads, no defenders, give him the gold.

Long Distance Events - Kenyatta Walker
He's got Kenya in his name right?

Shotput/Discus - Vince Wilfork
Holds the state record in Florida for the Shot, throwing it 68 feet.

Wrestling - Stephen Neal
Two-time NCAA champ, beating Brock Lesnar his senior season.

Diving - Reggie Bush
Nobody flips like this guy, gotta work on the landing though.

Swimming - Mario Williams
Best Swim move in the league.

Synchronized Swimming - Peyton and Eli Manning
Just a fun mental image for you and the whole family.

Boxing - Tom Zbikowski
Duh.

Kayaking - Chris Cooley
No reason, just thought he was the only NFL'er that could make me watch Kayaking.

Weightlifting - Larry Allen Holy Mother of God.

Equestrian - Chris Williams
He's got the family ties.

Gymnastics - Martin and Bill Gramatica
Hamm's? Martin and Bill can jump! And Prance! About the right size too...

Cycling - Shawne Merriman
Lots of dopers to pick on, I'll chose Mr. Lights out today.

Archery - Tom Brady
Accuracy is his middle name.

Judo - Scott Peters
Yikes!

Badminton - Hines Ward
Koreans love Badminton.

Shooting - Marvin Harrison
Still too afraid to say anything.

Table-Tennis - Jacob Hester
White Running Backs can really play pong.

Links:
[NE Patriots Draft]: All-NFL Olympic Team

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Posted on Thu Jun 19, 2008 at 11:59:28 AM EST in Other Sports
More on: Chris Cooley, Dale Earnhardt Jr., NASCAR, Redskins, friends, video (all tags)

Who would have ever guessed that Chris Cooley and Dale Earnhardt Jr. would be like two peas in a pod? Certainly not us, but, of course, we'd be dead wrong. Turns out the fellas have been buddy-buddy for over a year now and the bond runs so deep that Cooley actually named his dog Dale Earnhardt Jr. Now, if that's not respect and admiration then nothing is.

Links:
[Mr. Irrelevant]: Cooley and Dale Junior Are Seriously BFF

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Posted on Thu May 29, 2008 at 02:52:09 PM EST in NFL
More on: Chris Cooley, wedding, party, Redskins, NFL (all tags)

Chris Cooley got married to a babe the other day and the wedding party looked like quite a blast. After all, it's not too often that you get to see a giant-sized man dance around in white pants, a black vest and pink tie. But would you expect anything less from the man known as Captain Chaos? However, if you ask the best man about Chris' big day, it really doesn't sound all that exciting.

I do know that the groom's day went as follows: picked up tuxes, packed for the honeymoon, paced around, watched groomsmen play guitar hero, paced around, backyard football, and finally driving to the place after some pacing around. The rest of the day seemed like an incredible blur of events.

Here are some highlights:

* The Reverend decided to kick things off a little behind schedule and almost had to meet with some groomsmen in the back room.

* The wedding planner now needs high blood pressure medication.

* People took pictures like free ipod nanos.

* We ate dinner ala banquet style only better food.

* There was the cake cut, garder pull, best man speech, and dancing til the lights turned on.

* After party Karaoke (minus newlyweds)

We're sure Mr. and Mrs. Cooley had a fantastic day and all, but it's just not a party until Brady Quinn starts grabbing his crotch.

Links:
[MisterIrrelevant.com]: Chris Cooley's Wedding Looks Like Fun
[ChrisCooley47.BlogSpot.com]: The Best Man's take on the Cooley wedding

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