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Tampa Bay Devil Rays

Hide your foster daughters, Elijah Dukes is in town

Posted on Wed Jun 13, 2007 at 10:11:40 AM EST in MLB
More on: Devil Rays, idiots, sex (all tags)


Elijah Dukes, the TB outfielder who last month was accused of threatening to kill his wife on a voicemail is back in the headlines today. Elijah apparently thinks that foster homes are a prime source of teen ass.

According to police, Dukes impregnated a 17-year-old girl who was in the care of his step-grandmother ("So what does that make us? Absolutely nothing."). Fortunately for Elijah, no crime was committed because because it was consensual sex between a 17 and 22-year-old. He still has that problem of being the baby daddy though. The pregnant teen claims that when she told him about the pregnancy, he threw a bottle of gatorade at her.

Elijah's mom Phyllis had this to say about the situation:

Every time one of those (whores) lays down with my baby, they end up pregnant. That's right. And I'm tired of them.

Holy crap! Every time! When it comes to hos, it seems Elijah has supersperm.

Links:
[St Petersberg Times]: Former foster teen says she is carrying Dukes' baby

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Hide your foster daughters, Elijah Dukes is in town | 4 comments (4 topical, 0 hidden)
Is it time? (#1)
by matt Jordan on Wed Jun 13, 2007 at 12:08:33 PM EST
Oh, I think it's time...

"...and the factory will have to shut down"

   "That's when the whores come in"

"Oh God." "Excuse me?"

   "Whores shaking their bee-hinds for the men folk. I have $20 to spend on the rent. Maybe I'll spend it on the whore instead."

"I like her idea."

"I visited one prostitute during the war and she won't let me forget it."

(come on kids, we all know what movie that's from)

Elijah Dukes rules (#9)
by Anonymous Fan on Wed Oct 10, 2007 at 03:55:55 PM EST
Hello.  Tony L  here, most magnificent of baseball minds.  I tell you what my pea brained baseball groupies, Elijah Dukes is the man.  He hits dingers like a bangin' a drum.  So he has a penchant for impregnating young women.  So what?  With him hitting third and my latest steriods monster Pujols hitting  fourth, we'd win it all several years running.  So quit your whining already.  I want all the cute young girl Cardinals fans to start sending emails to poor old Elijah and talk him into moving to ole ST. Lou.  Unless of course Steinbrenner hires me.  Then I'll need Mr. Dukes in the big apple.  Shouldn't be too hard to talk Big D into that gig, with all the 8th Avenue trash walking around as easy pickings for ED.  So long for now you losers.  I remain the illustrious, Tony L.

Hide your foster daughters, Elijah Dukes is in town | 4 comments (4 topical, 0 hidden)
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