So long, Seattle SuperSonics

Posted on Thu Jul 03, 2008 at 10:02:30 AM EST in NBA
More on: SuperSonics, NBA, Oklahoma City, David Stern, fans (all tags)

You shall be missed

A lot of people have a lot of problems with the way David Stern is running the NBA. Basically, they think he's letting the league go straight down the drain while becoming a laughingstock in the process. Between the referee gambling scandal, the end of an era in Seattle and the drafting of Joakim Noah, some fans are simply fed up with the situation and they're not going to take it anymore. Here's one of the thousands of fan resignation letters currently flooding the NBA's home office in New York.

Dear Commissioner Stern,

I have been an NBA fan since birth, rooting the majority for my home state team, the Chicago Bulls through thick and thin times.

But the news coming from Seattle is disheartening. I am through with these games, in which owners of professional sports franchises hang cities like Seattle by the balls until they scream 'uncle' on a new arena. That's not how it was growing up watching Jordan and Pippen play. Jordan himself said the old Chicago Stadium was a better venue than the United Center, to which he compared it to a shopping mall.

And so in situations like this, where Clay Bennett and Co., single handedly ripped the SuperSonics from Seattle, a 41-year old franchise; that I submit my fan resignation letter to the once proud National Basketball Association.

I no longer want to be involved with anything from or with this league.

I truly believe the NBA is making a grave, and arrogant, mistake shunning the Seattle market. The over/under for the Oklahoma City team is 3 years for me. Then they'll turn into a Memphis organization, or a Charlotte Bobcats organization (sorry Mike).

You, Commissioner Stern turned a blind eye to the economics of Seattle, not even trying to cut a deal with the lawmakers. You just showed up to the capital, whining about a new stadium. You are a hazard to this league. I feel for the good of the game, you should leave the NBA with someone that knows how to run it.

This league hasn't been the same since June 1998, when MJ made the shot over Bryon Russell in Utah.

I'm done.

Sincerely,

Ryan K.

Of course, there are plenty of pissed-off blowhards sending in video responses on the matter too. God bless modern technology.

Links:
[YardBarker.com]: NBA fan resignation letter

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All of L.A. will soon be sporting Baron Davis beards

Posted on Wed Jul 02, 2008 at 11:11:12 AM EST in NBA
More on: Baron Davis, Clippers, NBA, video, funny (all tags)

Baron Davis stunned the basketball world by bolting from Golden State for one of the most pathetic franchises ever in existence: the Clippers. There's really only two ways this can work out for B-Dizzle, a) he helps turn around a team's fortunes, dotting the NBA landscape with two relevant Los Angeles squads or b) he looks back in a few years and says "Dear Lord, what have I done?" Either way, Clipper Nation (if there is such a thing) wins big. The fans finally have a legitimate star to root for and he's a hometown hero to boot. Davis deserves a lot of credit for making such a gigantic leap of faith, but, frankly, we think the City of Angels owes this guy a beer for being the influencing factor in the move. After all, how could B.D. resist this sultry serenade home?

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The Shaq/Kobe rivalry reaches new heights

Posted on Tue Jul 01, 2008 at 10:02:45 AM EST in NBA
More on: Shaquille O'Neal, Kobe Bryant, feud, video, Lakers, Suns (all tags)

Some of us were actually naïve enough to believe that the feud between Kobe Bryant and Shaquille O'Neal was squashed. What fools. These guys still loathe each other with a passion and they will be rivals for the remainder of their careers, nay, their lives. Kobe wants to earn a ring on his own so badly he can taste it (or is that Shaq's ass that he loves tasting?) and he's willing to do almost anything to get one. This year he was even desperate enough to involve his teammates. The Diesel, on the other hand, is still the face of the league on a very talented squad and he's already raised a trophy without KB. So, now he's just trying to outdo Bryant in other, more important areas of life, like jumping over stuff. It's not a speeding Aston Martin or a kiddie pool full of snakes, but it's a start.

By the looks of his new crib, the Daddy definitely underwent a little downsizing following his costly divorce.

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Odds and Ends: Goggles, it's a Lakers thing

Posted on Thu Jun 26, 2008 at 01:12:13 PM EST in NBA
More on: goggles, Wonderlic Test, NBA, Tom Brady, David Beckham, John Daly, Kid Rock, golf, Gina Carano, MMA, Renaldo Balkman, video, skateboarding, Odds and Ends (all tags)

As kids, if you wore glasses then you were probably going to get made fun of. That's just one of the many sad facts of childhood. However, once kids get older and mature, they realize that making insulting comments about someone's appearance is ridiculously petty...except in sports. So, here's On Deck Sports list of the Top 5 Goggled Athletes. Just get a load of these four-eyed freaks.

5. Kurt Rambis

4. James Worthy

3. Horace Grant

2. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

1. Chris Sabo

And let's not forget about Dwyane Wade who has the thickest set of beer goggles we've ever seen on a pro athlete.

In other news...

[The World of Isaac]: Vince Young fails the NBA Wonderlic Test

[MensVogue.com]: Tom Brady and David Beckham are sexy. We get it already!

[FanHouse]: John Daly and Kid Rock go together like cigarettes and strip clubs

[MMARated.com]: Gina Carano talks about being a female badass

[PostingAndToasting.com]: Renaldo Balkman's New York Knickmobile

[Hugging Harry Reynolds]: Star Wars Sports, starring Eric Mangino as Jabba the Hut

[YouTube.com]: Watch out, the Ax Murderer has a blade!...And he's shaving another man with it??? WTF?!

And finally, skateboards finally get a small measure of revenge against humans for years of abuse.

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Kobe's comeback: "Shaq, tell me how my ass tastes"

Posted on Thu Jun 26, 2008 at 10:26:04 AM EST in NBA
More on: Kobe Bryant, Shaquille O'Neal, Lakers, Suns, rap, rivalry (all tags)

By this point, we've all heard Shaq utter the words "Kobe, tell me how my ass tastes," at least 5,000 times and, frankly, we're still not tired of the freestyle. However, we are somewhat disappointed that Kobe hasn't fired back at the Diesel. After all, let's not forget that K.B. is a rapper himself...sorta. But he's also a very, very busy man with the Olympics rapidly approaching; luckily, Russ Bengtson of SlamOnline.com wrote some mad retaliatory rhymes so Bryant could concentrate on bringing the gold home from Beijing. Mr. Bengtson, you are a patriot and poet indeed.

Your reign on the top was short like leprechauns
Sure-thing rings lost to Wallaces and Olajuwons

You're a true, what? You're a true blue pr*ck
On the outside you're happy, on the inside you're sick
Oh, my bad, I forgot, that's just part of your schtick

Admit it, you just mad `cause your career's almost over
You're a black hole while I'm still supernova

And while we're on the topic of being a star
I'll be in Phoenix in February--can I borrow your car?
Since I'll be in the game, I won't drive it too far

I remember when you had the Reebok Shaqnosis
Now you're working on a coronary thrombosis
I live in the gym, you've got a body by Hostess

Nike makes me shoes and spots, I jump cars for fun
Tell you what, I'd rather hang with Jackass than be one

You claim to be a player, but I f*cked your wife
Yeah, that's just jokes, but--haha--I f*cked your life

Wanna go after me for your problems, nah, that's all on you
And those big alimony checks--those are all on you too
Watch Shaunie stack those chips while you get blue

And what's this I hear about how you went after Kareem?
You'll never be like him, he was part of a team
Forget about Cap, were you even better than Dream?

Please explain the MDE with one MVP?
That's like calling yourself a forest when you're only one tree
Russ had five, Wilt had four, even Moses had three

As for the rings, yeah, you wound up with four
But the Most Dominant Ever should really have more
You weren't the most feared to ever step on the floor

Those three titles we won, yeah, I couldn't have done it without you
At least I can admit it, how `bout you, Shaq-Fu?

It's always all about you--the big center of attention
But you ain't notorious, never had that dimension
Coulda stayed in L.A. but you had to have that extension

You can score in the paint, can't get it done at the line
Say "I hit `em when it matters" and everything's fine?
Those ugly-ass bricks don't take from your shine?

Nah, I guess not, but while it may not hurt your fame
It's something to consider when you're benched at the end of the game

And now new guys are coming through to rip that S off your arm
Bad enough you lost your game, now you even lost your charm

What ever happened to you, when did you get so bitter?
Used to be a champion, now you're a quitter
Could have done more in Miami if you only got fitter

If you couldn't take the fire, should have stayed out the Heat
You're so out of shape you can barely THINK on your feet

And they even took your badges, that I'm sorry to hear
Because at least then you might have had another career

Call yourself a cop? You're nothin' but a pig
And rhyme all you want, you can never be Big

I'm a Laker for life, you're just another man on a journey
In fact, don't ever speak to me, just call my attorney
Keep playing with fire, you ain't gonna burn me

You think you can spit? Like those six Grammies mattered?
You never were sh*t, but I'm glad you were flattered

You never really could rhyme, got carried by many
Kind of like how it worked with Dwyane, Kobe and Penny

People only rhymed on your records because they knew you had money
You think they laughed at your jokes `cause they thought you were funny?
Always thought you was Vito when you're really a Sonny

As for your movies, they laughed WITH you, as far as you know
But maybe you should go back to school, like Neon Boudeaux

And hey, my coach came back, unlike Mike D'Antoni
He chose the KNICKS over you, you big f*cking phony
You think you a horse, but you barely a pony

I'll be in Beijing this summer, going for gold
You could be too, if you weren't so old

Face it, you mad, that's why you came at me first
If I show you my trophy, will it slake your MVP thirst?

I got to stay home, you got displaced.
As years go by, your memories erased.
What was that, Diesel? How does your ass taste?
Shouldn't you know? You're the one sh*tfaced

Links:
[SlamOnline.com]: Pop Goes The Diesel

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Now everybody wants Kobe to tell them how their ass tastes

Posted on Wed Jun 25, 2008 at 11:29:24 AM EST in NBA
More on: Kobe Bryant, Shaquille O'Neal, rap, video (all tags)

The video of Shaquille O'Neal asking Kobe Bryant to describe the flavor of his ass has become an internet sensation and the hot topic of the sports world. And as classic as the clip is, there is always room for improvement. So, here's the Fat Jewish Guy's remix. Enjoy.

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Kobe Bryant needs a whole lotta Scope after Shaq's latest rap

Posted on Tue Jun 24, 2008 at 11:15:23 AM EST in NBA
More on: Kobe Bryant, Shaquille O'Neal, rap, video, funny (all tags)

Everyone and their momma knew Shaquille O'Neal was wetting himself in glee after the Boston Celtics disposed of the Los Angeles Lakers in the Finals last week. However, we actually hoped Shaq was going to take the high road on this one, choosing not to remind Kobe that he couldn't win the big one without the Big Aristotle. Of course, that would mean Shaq doesn't hold grudges and we all know that isn't true. So, in reality, it was only a matter of time before O'Neal let loose on his former teammate, but we never expected it to come in the form of freestyle.

Mean spirited or playful banter? You be the judge. The only thing we know for certain is that the phrase "Kobe, tell me how my ass tastes" has officially become the most hilarious seven words ever uttered in the world of sports.

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Hey, Beijing, are you ready for these guys?!

Posted on Tue Jun 24, 2008 at 10:20:50 AM EST in NBA
More on: Olympics, basketball, Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, Carmelo Anthony, Dwight Howard, Carlos Boozer, Jason Kidd, Chris Paul (all tags)

Team USA is still looking for that perfect combination of mad skillz and selflessness from the NBA's best ballers in attempt to erase years of frustration at the hands of its international competition. When the team travels to Beijing in a little over a month, they might be sporting the best roster they've had since the first or second "Dream Team" (although we all know that there is really only ONE Dream Team, the original Dream Team). On Monday, the official announcement was wade and here's the 12 guy's expected to resurrect the ghosts of Summer Olympics past.

Carmelo Anthony, Denver Nuggets
Carlos Boozer, Utah Jazz
Chris Bosh, Toronto Raptors
Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers
Dwight Howard, Orlando Magic
LeBron James, Cleveland Cavaliers
Jason Kidd, Dallas Mavericks
Chris Paul, New Orleans Hornets
Tayshaun Prince, Detroit Pistons
Michael Redd, Milwaukee Bucks
Dwyane Wade, Miami Heat
Deron Williams, Utah Jazz

There is no doubt the rest of the world has defiantly caught up with America in the b-ball department, but there isn't a country on the planet able to hang with this group of guards. And just imagine how motivated Bryant will be. The dream of grabbing a ring without the Diesel is over for now, but he can still lead his squad to a gold medal. Not a bad way to cap off a MVP season.

Links:
[ScoresReport.com]: Team USA roster announced

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Odds and Ends: The luckiest SOB in all of sports

Posted on Mon Jun 23, 2008 at 01:27:22 PM EST in NBA
More on: Marko Jaric, NBA, lucky, Javon Kearse, Pele, movies, MLB, George Carlin, Wimbledon, college, video, Lou Pinella, Cubs, White Sox, ouch, Odds and Ends (all tags)

The guys over at Rumors and Rants are still stewing over the fact that a virtual-nobody in the NBA like Marko Jaric can be engaged to megamodel Adrianna Lima. Hey, aren't we all? But Jaric isn't the only lucky bastard in the world of sports. So, here's their list of "The Luckiest Guys In Sports History."

Marko Jaric - Engaged to Adrianna Lima

Jim Sorgi - Peyton Manning's Backup

Sam Cassell - 2008 Celtics

Eric Gagne - 2007 Boston Red Sox

Scott Podsednik - Married to Lisa Dergan

Christian Laettner - The Dream Team

Tony Romo - The Tail He Pulls

Jud Buechler - Three Titles With The Bulls

Jeremy Shockey - Giants Super Bowl Win

And speaking of lucky, there's no way we can forget about this lucky dog.

In other news...

[Undrafted Free Agent]: Javon Kearse does his best Cedric Benson impersonation

[SI.com]: Pele gets no respect from the younger generation

[Pyle of List]: Sports movie coaches nominated for the HOF

[CNN.com]: 8-year-old knows more about baseball than most beat reporters

[Tirico Suave]: George Carlin, you will be missed greatly

[Mondesishouse.com]: A day of indulgence

[COEDMagazine.com]: The Babes of Wimbledon 2008

[CollegeOTR.com]: Celebrities' kid's colleges revealed

[JoshQPublic.com]: Worst. Strip club. Ever.

[Can't Stop The Bleeding]: Worst. Rap battle. Ever.

And finally, here's a guy dropping a subtle hint that he really, really wants a pool.

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With the first and second picks in the 2008 Draft, the Miami Heat select...?

Posted on Mon Jun 23, 2008 at 11:02:18 AM EST in NBA
More on: Heat, NBA, rumors, Draft, Michael Beasley, Derrick Rose, Dwyane Wade, Bulls (all tags)

You might think the NBA season is over now that the Boston Celtics have earned the franchise's 17th championship, but there is no time to rest. In case you've forgotten, the Draft is right around the corner, Thursday to be exact, meaning there's a whole lotta wheelin' and dealin' going on. Actually, there has been no real wheelin' or dealin' just yet, but the rumors are defiantly flying around. The most interesting bit of speculation we've come across originates out of Miami where the Heat are desperate to turn around a horrible 2007-08 campaign.

Rumors have begun swirling that the Heat would consider trading Chicago native Dwyane Wade to the Bulls for the first pick in the draft, plus Tyrus Thomas and Larry Hughes. Miami has the second selection, so such a trade could land the Heat the two top prospects in Memphis guard Derrick Rose and Kansas State forward Michael Beasley. Look for the Timberwolves to select UCLA forward Kevin Love with the third pick.

They'd be an infant team in a grown man's league if the trade went down, but nothing could possibly frustrate Pat Riley more than what he went through last season. We say, "Git-R-Done!"

Links:
[Draft Nation]: Sunday's NBA Draft Rumors
[Boston.com]: A Kidd shall lead them

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