I'm suing the Pittsburgh Pirates for everything I didn't get over the past 25 years. That includes the stuffed animal Pirate Parrot, that was given out to kids 14 and under (I was 21 or 22), the beer mug to fans 18 and over (I was 12), the flower to all the moms on mother's day and the hat I was denied because I came in the bottom of the 4th inning hammered, and they had just run out. I need a good lawyer. Anyone wanna take this one? I'm going for $500,000. And you have to take my loyalty to the Pirates as well.